Picking up the Pieces
by auteurinconnu
Summary: Tragedy strikes, leaving Bella behind with a broken heart. Her world is falling apart, but can someone help her put herself back together? ExB. ALL HUMAN! RxR!
1. The Accident

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 1 – _The Accident_

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Song: Switchfoot, "Meant to live"

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Renée twisted in her seat to look at me, taking her eyes off the road momentarily as she smiled thoughtfully, knowingly. I was being ridiculous, I knew that, and it irritated me that she was so understanding. I loved my mother, but there were times when I wished she didn't know me so well. She was the only person I couldn't escape from—I couldn't run from her forever.

"Oh, Bella…" she smiled again, placed her hand on my cheek and chuckled, "when you're ready, you will know. You can't guard your heart forever, honey. Love isn't easy."

Love. I snorted—what a ridiculous sentiment. Nothing more than a delusion of desire, if you ask me. I'd seen enough of "love" with Renée, and her experiences with the opposite sex were enough to drive me away from the notion forever.

She noticed my reaction and laughed. "Look at me, Bella," I turned towards her and met he eyes. The brilliance of their green held me captive as she spoke. "Someday love will find you, my Bella, I only hope you will open your heart to it when it does…"

A movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. Instinctively, I sensed danger. I tore my eyes away from my mother, and screamed. She turned away from me and located the cause of my panic. A large black SUV was barreling towards us after having ran through a stop sign. It's headlights illuminated the cab of my mother's sub-compact. She turned to face me again, fear etched into every line of her face.

I watched in horror as the headlights came into contact with the car. I heard the sickening crunch of metal... My mother's bloodcurdling scream pierced the air as everything faded to black…

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**A/N: Three more chapters will be up by the end of the day! Please review!**


	2. The Promise

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 2 – _The Promise_

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Song: Evanescence, "My Tourniquet"

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I fluttered in an out of consciousness several times before the screaming awoke me. I wrenched my eyes open and looked around.

"Oh my God!"

"Someone call 911!"

I was completely in a daze, it was as if none of this was real. It couldn't be. This was only a dream.

My lap was full of what I thought was he remnants of the windshield. I looked up and saw that the hood of the car was completely demolished, there was steam spewing out from beneath the crumpled hood.

People were screaming and running around haphazardly in the daylight, one woman was sitting on the sidewalk sobbing. I looked down again and noticed my hands—they were cut and my left wrist was bent at a strange angle. I almost laughed at how awkward it looked sitting there, immobile. I thought about cracking a joke to Renee, of course she would find this equally hysterical. We had the same, twisted sense of humor.

"Bella!" someone gasped, bringing me out of the haze. I turned to my left to investigate where the noise was coming from. My mother was looking at me, her green eyes piercing me to the soul. Blood was pouring from her mouth and nose as well as from a large cut above her right eye.

"MOM!" I shrieked, "MOM! Oh my god!"

"Bella," she whispered again. Her breath was coming short and fast and her face was getting more and more pale by the second. She was fading, fast.

"Mom, listen to me, you ha-have to ho-hold on. They're calling the police. Th-they are going to be here any s-s-second. J-just hold on, mom!" I couldn't stop the tears that were falling. I tried reaching over to her, to grab her hand and comfort her, to do something—but pain shot up my arm. I screamed in agony and panic began to set in.

"Bella… Bella look at me," My mother's voice was hardly audible, she was gasping for air. The steering column was crushed up against her chest. I couldn't see her legs and her left arm was bent grotesquely behind her in the carnage of the wreck. I couldn't take my eyes away from her body. There was so much damage…

"Bella! Look at me, damnit!" Her voice was stronger now, but there was a definite sadness in her voice. My eyes snapped up to meet hers, still brilliantly green and completely untouched by the devastation that surrounded us. "Bella… you have to… to promise me something…" Her breathing was ragged again, but the intensity in her eyes was unnerving.

"A-an-anything," I could hardly speak. I was terrified at the way she was looking at me. It was like she was trying to say something with her eyes, say something she couldn't, no, wouldn't say out loud.

"Bella… promise me that when it finds you… promise me you won't be scared." I didn't know what she was talking about, I was so confused. But she kept looking at me, her gaze never leaving my eyes.

"M-mom what are you talking about? Wh-when what f-finds me?" I was trembling, the reality of the situation was starting to seep in. But I couldn't take my eyes off hers.

"Love, my sweet Bella… love…" She kept staring at me, searching me, goading me to answer with her eyes. The hidden message was still there, I was becoming vaguely aware of what she was trying to do.

"NO! Mom, no! You're going to be f-fine! Th-they're going to get you out of here! Don't… don't do this!" I screamed. I was enraged. She couldn't be saying goodbye… not yet. I couldn't suppress the sobs that were escaping my chest.

"Promise me, Bella," she took a breath, and started coughing. Blood was spraying from her mouth and nose as the violent movement expelled it from her body. I knew she was suffering monumentally but she never let it touch her eyes. She never took them off of me.

"Mom… I… I can't… stop. Y-you're g-going to b-be f-f-fine." Her coughing scared me, but her gaze terrified me more than anything. It was so… final. I couldn't bear to think of what that meant. My mom was my best friend, who would I be without her? I needed her, I had to have her in my life. I wouldn't be able to survive without her. We took care of each other—I didn't need love, I needed her.

Her coughing had subsided briefly, and she took another breath to steady herself.

"M-mom… I'll p-promise y-you when we g-get out of h-here… P-please mom… " I pleaded. I couldn't say goodbye, not now. She still had so much of her life to live. She had to be there, to watch me graduate from high school, and college…

Her gaze intensified. "BELLA!" she roared. "PROMISE ME, DAMNIT! PROMISE ME THIS!" Tears started falling from her eyes but they never left mine.

"M-mom…" I was taken aback at her outburst, only causing my sobbing to increase in intensity. Pain racked through my body with every breath. I could do nothing but look into her eyes. I tried to tell her it would be alright, but I saw the finality in her eyes. There was nothing I could say.

"Please… please, my Bella… promise me this…" She begged, her face grew even more pale. I could hardly hear her breathing it was so shallow. She lifted her right hand from where it lay on the center console and whimpered at the pain it caused her. She placed it on my cheek, "Please…"

"I… I p-promise, mom." Her touch was warm against my face. It calmed me, soothed me, centered me when I felt like I was losing control. My pain seemed to subside. Tears continued to pour out of my eyes. I heard sirens, but the outside world was far away from me now. It was just my mom and I, her hand on my cheek. We were kindred spirits, each the completion of the other.

Black started creeping in around the edge of my vision.

"Sleep now… my Bella…" I closed my eyes, breaking our connection. I listened to her breathing come in slow gasps, each one shorter than the one before it. I heard her take one last breath, and the car went silent.

The last thing I felt was her hand leaving my face… and my world went black again.

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**A/N: I hope that wasn't too much, I really wanted to capture the essence of the moment, because it's so pivotal to the rest of the story. Let me know what you think! (Please review!)**

**More is coming!**


	3. Aftermath

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 3 – _Aftermath_

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Song: Cherokee Nation, "Cherokee Mourning Song"

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I woke up in a strange place. Everything was startlingly white, and clean. It smelled of antiseptic and pine-sol, I definitely didn't like it. There was a strange beeping somewhere nearby, it's monotony quickly agitated me. I could hear people speaking nearby, but their voices were muffled, as if a wall was standing between me and the strange, diluted conversation. I strained my ears to listen, but my efforts resulted in little more than a high sense of acuity.

My eyes had yet to adjust to the strange, unnatural light that was directly above me. At first, everything was a bit milky—shapes were loosely defined, and colors blended together in a manner that made me queasy. As my vision focused, I took in the details of the strange room I was in.

There were four walls, all stark white. This room was hardly what you could call spacious. There was a tattered couch against the wall across from me. It was a putrid green, a disgusting color that I imagined could hardly smell better than it looked. There was a large lump covered with a blue and scratchy-looking blanket. The mass was breathing, or so it looked by the way the blue gently rose and fell against its vomit-colored backsplash. There was an institutional looking door in the wall to my right. It had a large glass panel that was covered by blinds that were closed. I could only assume this was where the conversation I had heard earlier had come from. I noticed a chair sitting on the floor next to my bed. It was facing me, but was unoccupied. The wall to my left had a painting on it, an ocean view from what I could tell. I didn't like how melodious the colors were—the art had no personality. It was a copy of a photograph—a shotty and boring impersonation of the beauty of the ocean. I scoffed lightly.

Pain shot through my chest. I squeaked and the monotonous beeping increased its pace. The lump on the couch jumped and the blanket fell to the floor. I didn't move, afraid that another shot of pain would rake through me. I simply started, wide-eyed at the man who was now standing directly in front of me.

"Charlie?" I whispered as recognition hit me. I wondered idly why he was here, in this strange room. I wondered why I was there, for that matter.

"Oh, thank god! Bella!" He rushed forward and sat down in the chair that was next to me. He grabbed my hand, and bent his head forward so that it made contact with his forehead. He sobbed uncontrollably. Why was he so upset? This hardly made any sense. What was this place?

At that instant, the door to my right opened. A pale man with broad shoulders entered the room. He had a head full of light blonde hair that was both neat and untidy at the same time. He was looking at the folder in his hands when he entered, his brow furrowed in concentration on whatever it was he was looking at. He looked up as the door shut. He had beautiful blue eyes, a perfect nose, and soft, full lips. His high cheekbones were angular and symmetrical. He looked like some sort of movie star who had deluded himself into thinking that the character he played was his real occupation. There was no way someone as good looking as him was a doctor. Renee would have loved this guy! Where was she, anyways? She was always so scatterbrained.

I sighed, and winced slightly at the pain.

"You're finally awake, Bella. It's nice to see your eyes." The doctor said casually, but his eyes were wary. "How are you feeling?"

"Uh… who are you?" I asked, incredulous. _And what am I doing here?_ I thought. I decided to keep that one to myself.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I believe I've forgotten to introduce myself. Excuse me for being so rude. My name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and I'm you're new physician. I've been keeping a close eye on you for the past couple of weeks."

_Weeks?_

"Weeks?" I whispered. Something wasn't right. But I couldn't remember what it was? Where was Renee? If I had gone missing for a couple _weeks_ and Charlie was here, Mom would definitely be close by. "Where's Mom?" I asked.

At this, Charlie began to sob harder, if that was possible. I felt my stomach turn uneasily. Panic bubbled up in my chest, and my eyes filled with tears.

"B-Bella…" Charlie choked out, clutching my hand even harder. I looked from him to Dr. Cullen, confused and afraid. Dr. Cullen avoided my eyes, but I saw worry and sadness in his. He looked at his charts again, then to the monitors behind me.

Huh. That's funny, I hadn't noticed those before.

Dr. Cullen pulled out a pen light, and started asking me questions.

"Bella, what day is it?" He asked cautiously.

I thought hard. When was the last time I had to write it down? Final exams. Mom and I were getting ice cream to celebrate…

"June 2." I said triumphantly. Why had he treated that as such a difficult question? It's just the stupid date.

"Why doesn't she remember?" Charlie asked, panicked. _Remember what?_ I felt like I was missing out on something big. Whatever it was would help me figure out how I got in this stupid room.

A couple of things hit me all at once. The white room, the shabby institutional furniture, the monitors, the doctor…

"Am I in a hospital?" I asked skeptically. I looked down at my body, something I had subconsciously avoided doing since I woke up. My arms were stuck with multiple IVs and I could see bandages and the remnants of heavy bruising. I was wearing a hospital gown but could now feel the bandages wrapped around my mid-section. _Well, that explains the pain._

I was used to hospital visits, but for some reason, this one seemed a little bit more severe than the last one. _Stupid hot plate._

"Yes," Dr. Cullen was writing swiftly in the folder as he answered and then looked at me quizzically. "I'm not sure, Charlie," he said hesitantly, answering Charlie's earlier question. "The mind works in mysterious ways, perhaps hers is protecting itself."

_Protecting itself from what? _What was I missing?

"Dr. Cullen," I said impatiently, "What on earth is going on?" I was exasperated. I had never liked people being cryptic with me and I wasn't about to start now.

"Please, Bella, call me Carlisle," he looked at me earnestly, his face was relaxed, but his eyes were concerned. "And to be honest, I'm not so sure myself. Can I administer a couple of quick tests before I answer your question?"

"Sure, whatever," I huffed. I crossed my arms and again winced as the IVs pulled at my skin.

Dr. Cullen crossed the room quickly and leaned over me. He took my blood pressure and measured my pulse, then listened to my breathing. He wrote down his findings, then pulled out his penlight again. He leaned down in front of me and instructed me to "follow the pen." This was silly. I rolled my eyes but did as I was told. He then turned on the light and ran it across my eyes.

The instant I looked into the light, my memory caught up with me.

"MOM!" I screamed. I ripped the IV's out of my right arm and struggled to get out of the bed. I ignored the pain I felt in my abdomen as I fought against the blankets. Dr. Cullen threw himself on top of me, holding me in place on the bed. I fought him with everything I had in me. Charlie shrunk back against the wall and watched, wide-eyed as I screeched and clawed.

"MOM!" I shrieked, panic took over as I remembered the accident, "Where is she?" I bellowed. "WHERE IS MY MOTHER!?" I was screaming at the top of my lungs now, and two nurses had hurried into the room to help Dr. Cullen keep me still. I was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably as I fought to keep control.

"I HAVE TO SEE HER! I HAVE TO SEE HER NOW! WHERE IS SHE?!" I screamed over and over. I continued to fight against my captors, but it was to no avail.

"Get the sedatives, Lucy," Dr. Cullen commanded quietly. One of the nurses scuttled out of the room and returned quickly with a syringe.

"NO!" I was officially deranged now. "NO! Where is she? TAKE ME TO MY MOTHER! WHERE IS SHE?! LET ME GO!"

And then I broke. The sedatives began to take over.

"Where… Wh-where is she?" I looked to my father in earnest, knowing he wouldn't lie to me.

His eyes said it before he did. "She's… sh-she's gone, Bella. She's gone…" It came out as barely a whisper.

"NO!" I shrieked again, completely inconsolable. "No! She can't be! SHE CAN'T BE DEAD! Take me to her, Charlie. TAKE ME TO SEE MY MOTHER!"

Charlie's composure broke again, and he doubled over sobbing. He managed to leave the room before he completely lost control of himself.

"MOM! MOM! No no no no, MOM!" I knew it was true, but I couldn't let it go. I was fighting the truth. A sob caught in my throat. I couldn't hold them in, and the shook my entire frame as I mourned.

Dr. Cullen loosened his hold on me and I wriggled away from him, curling myself in a ball as far away from everyone as I could. I clutched at my sides trying to hold myself together, but everything was falling apart.

She was gone. My mother, my best friend, my other half. She was gone and I was here. It should have been me. It should have been me. I repeated this mantra over and over to myself in my head until all of the tears were gone from my body. Even then, I shook with dry sobs until I could fight the sedatives no longer.

I was alone in this world. Completely and utterly alone.

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**A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry this is so sad! (I cried as I wrote) I promise it will get more and more uplifting as the story continues.**

**This is a story of loss, mourning, recovery, and then love. I'm trying to show the humanity in loss and the incredible ability of individuals to come back from even the most devastating of experiences. Bella's resilience is a true testament to what we all have, and I wanted to make sure that everyone got the chance to see that!**

**Edward will be coming in soon, though I'm not sure yet if it will be in the next chapter. The story writes itself!**

**Please review! I want to know what you're thinking so please be honest!**


	4. Intermission

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 4 – _Intermission_

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Song: Cartel, "This is who we are"

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Charlie's house was as nice as any, but it wasn't a home. I didn't know if I would ever have one of those again. I rinsed my plate after dinner and towel dried it before placing it gently back into the cupboard with the rest of Charlie's mismatched dinnerware. He never had a woman to tend to his needs, and matching place settings had fallen to the bottom of his list of concerns. I'm sure that I was higher up on the list, perhaps filling the vacancy that was the top of the list, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I wouldn't allow myself to get emotionally involved. At least, not more than I already was. Charlie had been there as I mourned the first couple of weeks I was awake in the hospital, silent, stoic, but ever present. I was thankful for his dedication, and would forever be in his debt for his loyalty to my needs.

I never allowed him to touch me, my mother had been the last one I remembered touching my skin directly. Her last act consumed my thoughts—I made it my goal to remember it eternally. I resolved to never let anyone else come near me in that manner—she would always be the last one to touch my face. I even went so far as to refuse Dr. Cullen take out my stitches himself. It was only a small cut near my hairline, but I was vehemently adamant. He was both patient and understanding, and even though he would have done a better, faster, and much less painful job, he allowed me to take them out myself with his careful instruction.

I ambled aimlessly into the living room where Charlie was watching television. I looked at the screen but nothing registered. It was all a blur of color. I grew bored quickly, and dismissed myself to prepare for bed.

I curled up in a ball against the wall in my room—thankful for at least some sort of presence in my sleep—even if it was only plaster and wood. I had cried myself to sleep every night since I had remembered the accident. My tears were also a twisted comfort. They were something I could count on returning, a dependable source of reprieve.

I tried not to allow my thoughts wander as I drifted off to sleep, but it was inevitable.

I didn't get to go to her funeral. I was thousands of miles away from where she was laid to rest. I had no source of solace, no comfort, no shelter from the storm that was determined to be my demise. It was unbearable. I felt everyday as though I could shatter into a thousand pieces. No, I felt like I had already done that, and that collecting every tiny bit of me would never happen.

I was broken.

I compared myself to a jar of ash; one that had been unceremoniously and swiftly knocked from its resting place, only to smash into oblivion. You could always put the jar back together, maybe even repaint it to cover the cracks, but no matter how hard you tried, no matter how many times you swept the ash from the floor—you could never replace all that was lost. The jar, though physically repaired, would never be as full as it once was.

And with that… I feel into a fitful slumber.

I was awake when my alarm went off the next morning, but the sound of it made me jump.

I never allowed myself to sleep for long, out of fear of nightmares. I knew it would haunt me for the rest of my life, but I refused to allow it do so when it was beyond my control.

I got out of bed, brushed my teeth and showered out of habit alone, then went downstairs for breakfast.

"You excited for school today, Bella?" Charlie inquired.

I snapped my head up in surprise. We usually ate our meals in silence and his question caught me off guard.

"Wh-what?" I stammered.

"School, today, you… did you really not remember?"

_No. Crap._

"Oh, I guess I just forgot, when does it start?"

"In about a half hour, so you'd better get going. I've got you all registered, you just need to stop by the front office to finish some paperwork."

"Oh, Okay." I furrowed my brow. I didn't want to go to school. I tried to avoid human contact, now I was placing myself right smack in the center of it.

Charlie sensed my unease. He called my bluff, "You sure you're ready for this, kid? We could always wait another week if you wanted…" he trailed off at the end, leaving it open ended for me.

"No, Charlie, I should go." I sighed. Maybe some contact with the outside world would help Charlie out. I didn't want to move forward, but I wasn't about to help Charlie back with me. I'd go for him.

Moving to Forks had never been my decision. But, seeing as I was still seventeen, I was left in Charlie's care. My mother had left me everything, the house, the car, the assets. It wasn't much, we lived on a kindergarten teacher's salary, but it was everything I had. I couldn't bring myself to go back to the house, I wanted to, but it didn't feel right. Being there without my Mom was wrong. I made Charlie pack my things for me while I waited in the rental car. He took as little time as possible, not wanting to leave me alone for long, and after boxing up my belongings, we came here.

Forks was an inconsequential town where it rained most of the time and there wasn't much sun. I was ok with this fact, the weather suited my mood just right. There might not have been a large amount of people here, but I knew that this only meant there was more than enough gossip. It always seems to travel a little faster in small towns where everyone knew everyone. I was not looking forward to hearing what everyone had to say about me. I spent most of my recuperation in the Forks Hospital's ICU, and I'd been holed up in Charlie's house ever since. I was positive that the entire population of Forks was waiting in avid anticipation of my first public appearance.

I only wished it didn't have to be at the high school.

I didn't fit in at my school at home, and I sure as hell wasn't about to fit in here. Who wants to be friends with the police chief's freaky daughter, anyways?

I finished my breakfast hastily and went back upstairs to finish getting dressed. I threw on my favorite pair of darkwash jeans and my favorite sweatshirt. I ran a brush through my hair once before drying it. It was a deep mahongany and fell to just beneath my shoulder blades. My hair was naturally straight and, in my opinion, rather bland. I threw on a light layer of mascara and some eyeliner, but left my skin alone. It was blemish-free and almost transluscent, but it was a nice cream color and easy to manage.

I sighed as I looked wistfully into the mirror. I wished I was prettier, like my mom.

_Damnit, Bella._

Tears pooled in my eyes and fell down my face.

_It's definitely going to be a long day..._

I grabbed my favorite pair of light-brown sheep-skin boots in preparation for the chill of the day and gently tucked my jeans into them. I grabbed my bag from on top of my desk and my keys from where they hung on the hook on my wall. I headed to the kitchen, but Charlie was already off to work.

On the table was a note:

_Bella,_

_Good luck today, give em' hell._

_Call me at the station if you need me._

_Charlie_

I had to smile in spite of myself. I took a deep breath, headed out to the old tank of a truck Charlie had insisted on purchasing for me, and headed off to school.

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**A/N: For all you Edward fans out there, he's coming next chapter! I think I'll be telling the story from two different perspectives from now on, both Edward and Bella. I might be stuck in Bella's head a bit, but hopefully you like my writing just as much from Edward's perspective!**

**As always, please review with thoughts, complaints, suggestions for improvement, or just to say hi!**

**Thanks!**


	5. The Texture of Eyes Past

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 5 – _The Texture of Eyes Past_

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Song: Linkin Park, "Wake"

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My thoughts kept me occupied on the short drive to school. I was so engrossed in my concerns about the upcoming day that I nearly missed the entrance. Thankfully, the ancient exterior of my truck had yet to reach the brakes. The car screeched as I punched my foot down and the car almost hit two wheels as it swerved dangerously into the parking lot. I struggled to gain control of the truck's careening, but my panic quickly dissipated when the whine of the engine died down. I pulled into an empty parking space, and cut the engine. Only then did I realize the horrors that my adrenaline had suppressed. Flashbacks flooded my memory and I fought to keep my tear ducts under control. It was no easy task, and soon enough, traitor tears spilled over and streaked down my face. I hastily wiped them away before anyone caught notice and stepped out of my miniature sanctuary. Agitated, I slammed the car door and snapped my head up.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes were staring at me. I felt my face flush and quickly whipped up my hood to hide myself from their gaze. Again, I had to work to suppress the tears that were pooling on my lower lids.

_This is going to be one hell of a day._

I could sense the gossip already fluttering from person to person. There goes Chief Swan's flighty wife's daughter—a basket case and a half. As if I needed an additional amount of agony to add on to my suffering. Wasn't being banished to this horrid place enough?

"Nice driving, spaz," some girl sneered. Her voice was distinctly nasal and thoroughly unpleasant to the ear. I heard snickering and the distinct sound of whispering. I turned abruptly to face my adversary—I wasn't about to take some wise-ass crack from some half-witted small town hick. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, someone cut me off.

"Leave her alone, Lauren, as if we need to be reminded yet again of your insignificance"

Lauren looked furious at first, but shrugged her shoulders and winked at whomever had stepped up in my defense. I heard him sigh audibly.

His voice was fluid, musical even, and for a moment I was lost simply in the sound of it. I quickly recovered, though, and was instantly angry. Though I'm sure it would have been more rational to be thankful of this stranger, I found myself completely enraged. I wasn't a charity case, and I wasn't about to become someone's lost sheep. I turned on my heel to confront yet another small town hick, having every intention to put him in his place. However, fate chose this moment to play a practical joke on me and I found myself falling to the ground as I spun. I hit the ground rather gracelessly and let out a loud "Ouf!" as my butt made contact with the cold concrete. I winced slightly at the pain and struggled to regain my footing. Embarrassment stained my cheeks a dark red as I heard a roar of laughter coming from the direction of whoever Lauren was.

_Great, just another cherry on my freakin' sundae in hell._

At that moment, a pair of pale hands reached down, hitched themselves under my arms, and helped me to my feet. I heard harmonious chuckling as this stranger pulled me towards his chest for extra support as I attempted to right myself. I felt strangely relieved and comforted to be in this person's arms—but that relief quickly disappeared when I heard my savoir speak.

"Whoa, take it easy there, we don't want another accident," He chuckled melodically. It was the same person who had jumped in to shield me from Lauren earlier. I wanted nothing to do with this self-serving saint.

I pushed myself away from him rather violently and felt myself falling again. _What a time for my lack of grace to make itself known._ I thought to myself maliciously. I had already had enough of a performance, but fate had other ideas in mind for how my morning was going to go. My stranger reached his arms out to steady me yet again, and I looked up to see a flash of a smile spread across his face. I was both too angry and embarrassed to look him in the eye, so I settled on preoccupying myself with my belongings as I snapped at him.

"Get your hands off me, you perv!" I scathed. I knew I was being needlessly venomous, but I couldn't help myself. My temper had been completely out of control recently.

"I-I'm sorry," He was backpedaling, clearly caught off guard by my outrageous reaction to what he considered kindness, "I was only trying to be of assistance."

"Yeah, well, I don't need your 'assistance,'" I did my best to impersonate his haughty tone, but I was sure that I failed miserably at that, "so just stay the hell away from me!" I hissed.

"Your wish, my command." He said, clearly amused at my irrational behavior. He backed away slightly to give me room to pass and stood with his hands dramatically raised in front of him to signify his retreat. I turned angrily and walked as fast as I was comfortable on the slick concrete past him. I took only a couple of steps before realizing that I was storming off in the wrong direction, and needed to turn around in order to get to the school's administration building. _Well, crap._ I turned again, this time taking my time to ensure I didn't stumble and fumed in the opposite direction, blowing past my stranger yet again.

"The office is this way," I mumbled under my breath as I rushed by his still statuesque figure and I heard him chuckling wickedly under his breath as I made my way across the parking lot.

Who the hell was this guy anyways?

I stormed into the office and to the receptionist's desk.

"I'm Bella Swan, my dad, Charlie, said that he already had me registered and that I had some paperwork that I needed to fill out?" I did my best to sound politely inquisitive and shy, but my anger had me sounding somewhat deranged.

"Ah, Miss Swan, or should I call you Isabella?" The receptionist asked kindly as she pulled my folder from a stack on her desk.

"Bella, please,"

"Alright, Bella, here you are. Please sign here," She pointed to a line marked with an 'X' at the bottom of the page next to Charlie's signature, "and here's your schedule."

She handed me a map of the school, and took a highlighter from one of her desk drawers before instructing me on how to get to each of my classes. She marked the routes with the highlighter and circled where my locker would be with a red pen. She wrote the combination on the corner of the map and handed it to me with a sweet smile on her face. I could only imagine what she'd pass on to the gossip-girls of Forks. I sighed heavily before thanking her and trudging out the door to my first class.

I walked down the now empty hallways to my locker and emptied out the majority of my belongings there before going to my first class. I took as much time as possible stacking my new notebooks neatly in my locker so as to avoid the embarrassment of being both late to my first class, and being a new student. After I could think of no more ways to organize my school supplies, I took a deep breath and headed off to English.

I knocked quietly on the door before opening it and entering. Instantly, fifteen pairs of eyes were on me. I blushed profusely as I walked over to the teacher and introduced myself. He handed me a list of class materials, subject matter, and discussion topics before admonishing me to a seat at the back of the room. I was thankful for this small bit of relief from the staring, but it didn't stop people from stealing glances at me every few minutes. I was almost ecstatic when the bell rang for my next class.

I hurried into the hallway and reached into my bag for my map when a boy with golden spiked hair and blue eyes approached me.

"Hi, I'm Mike Newton, and you must be Isabella Swan?" He asked as he held his hand out to shake mine. He was smiling warmly at me, and it made me feel a bit more comfortable than I was feeling a few moments ago.

"Hi, Mike, and it's Bella," I did my best to smile equally as warmly, but I was sure I had pulled off nothing more than a weak grimace. I made a point not to shake his hand, but he didn't seem to notice.

"So where's your next class?"

"Um," I glanced down at my schedule, "Government."

"Great! Me too! Want to walk with me?" He asked eagerly. Though I didn't want to accompany him, he was incredibly friendly and it would have been rude to have turned him down. I walked next to him, speaking only when directly addressed me. Many people greeted him in the hall on our short walk to class, but most of them ignored me. Lauren, however, made a point to glare as she waltzed by.

_It's only the first day and I've already made enemies. Way to go, Bella._

I couldn't understand her unwarranted hatred, but I didn't ask, Mike's presence was buffer enough for the time being. He escorted me to Government, and then to Spanish. I sat next to the same girl in both my Spanish and Trigonometry classes, and she invited me to sit with her at lunch, but I politely declined. Angela was incredibly kind, but I didn't want to get close to anyone, as irrational as that was, but she was strangely understanding and didn't question me further. I was thankful for that, because I didn't think I could have stomached an explanation.

I walked with Angela to lunch, but we parted ways as soon as we got to the cafeteria. She headed over to a table to sit with Mike, Lauren, and some others I didn't recognize, while I headed to the lunch line. I wasn't very hungry, so I bought a sandwich and a lemonade. I made my way over to an empty table and sat down. I pulled out my I-pod and put the headphones in, turning the music up to full volume to drown out the incessant shatter of my new classmates. I began looking around, studying them as they ate and socialized.

Sitting with Angela, Mike, and Lauren was a shorter girl with curly brown hair. She was leaning close to Lauren, sneaking glances at me and whispering in her ear. Occasionally I would see the two of them giggle, but I made it a point to ignore their childishness. I didn't need another reason for my temper to flare. I let my gaze pass over a table of underclassmen who occasionally sent nervous glances at the tables filled with seniors, then it trailed across the different social groupings. Athletes, artists, thespians… it was all so typical.

One table, however, caught my attention. They were a large group of people with whom everyone seemed at ease. All of them were beyond attractive, almost inhumanly so, and were laughing together. They looked like an ad taken straight off the pages of some high-priced magazine. There was a large muscled boy with curly brown hair with his arm draped casually over the shoulder of the most incredible looking blonde woman I'd ever seen. She has super-model curves and a face that challenged even the greatest artistic masterpieces. Another girl, a short pixie-like creature was bouncing restlessly in a seat across the table from the massive man and his apparent girlfriend. Next to her was another muscled (though less bulky then the curly-haired boy) boy who had eyes for no one but the energetic elf sitting next to him.

One person in particular caught my attention. He was the epitome of beauty, with a chisled body and angular features, he was a living, breathing, walking, talking Adonis. I was intimidated by his mere presence. His eyes were cast downward at his food, though he didn't seem to be very hungry as if he was distracted by something. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

_Who was this perfect creature? _

As if he'd heard my question, his raised his head casually and looked right at me. He turned his head slightly to the left and smirked… I felt like I'd seen his smile somewhere, but I couldn't place it. Immediately embarrassed at being caught staring, I glared down at my untouched sandwich and began ripping it apart. I decided to permit myself one last glance at the strange boy. I peeked up through my eyelashes and was beyond mortified when I saw _him_ staring at _me._ But I wasn't about to back down now that he'd issued this unspoken challenge. Who was he to make my insides squirm with unease? Besides, that evil witch Lauren was draped all over him like some sort of sick puppy, and if he was low enough to allow that… well, I figured that spoke for itself. I had no reason to fear this stranger. I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and forced myself to make eye-contact with him. I raised my eyes to meet his and gasped in horror at what I saw.

This perfect creature, this walking statue had the most brilliant green eyes I had ever seen, and were the perfect imitation of…

_Oh, crap. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Don't do it Bella, don't cry. Not here, not now._

But I couldn't help it. Looking straight into his eyes was like looking at my mother. Pain tore at me chest as tears started spilling down my face and into my food. I tried to look away, but I was caught in his gaze. I was completely immobilized. He continued to stare at me through my ordeal, and I watched as he went from bemused to confused, to very concerned all very quickly. He looked away and then whispered something to the pixie-like girl to his right. I took advantage of the break in eye contact and made my escape. I hurriedly gathered my belongings and ran out of the cafeteria gasping for air as the sobs shook my chest.

I rushed to the nearest bathroom, locked myself in one of the stalls, and allowed the pain to consume me. I did my best to keep composed, but it was a losing battle. I bit at my lip to keep my emotions at bay and sat on the toilet until I stopped shaking and my breathing had returned to normal. At that, I once again gathered my belongings that I had unceremoniously thrown into my bag and headed to my next class.

I entered the nearly empty room and introduced myself to the teacher so as to avoid another embarrassing moment. He pointed me to a seat at a lab table in the middle of the room and I quickly took up my place. I watched the door as people passed through it, praying that the Adonis wouldn't walk in. Right as the bell rang, however, he walked into the classroom looking every bit as perfect as he had before.

_Well this is just fantastic. Just fan-freaking tastic!_

I immediately looked down at my belongings and pulled out my notebook for class as a measure of avoidance. I winced as he took the seat next to me, and I tried to casually scoot my chaira s far away from him as possible. I allowed my hair to fall over my shoulder, creating a barrier of sorts between his eyes and myself, I didn't think that I could take looking at them again. I hoped that he would pick up on my subtle signals and would leave me alone for the rest of the period. I had no such luck.

He scooted closer to me and whispered, "Hey, are you alright? You looked like you had seen a ghost earlier." His voice was melodic and smooth and very familiar. Too familiar.

"You!" I hissed, "It was you who helped me in the parking lot this morning!" I turned to face him, but avoided his eyes. I decided it'd be safer to just close my eyes all together when interacting with him.

He chuckled lightly and confirmed my suspicions. "Yes, it was me. Though I was hardly expecting your reaction. Most girls swoon when I help them up when they fall. You, however, didn't even thank me!" He mocked being hurt, and I rolled my eyes, disgusted.

"Oh, well I apologize for not being some brainless Barbie who comes at your beckoned call." I said sarcastically, turning away from him. Not only was he an ass, but he was a womanizing ass! I couldn't believe my own misfortune. He probably saw me as some sort of damsel in distress that needed rescuing.

"Apology accepted." He said lightly, clearly still amused.

I was fuming, but I didn't respond. Biology hardly seemed like the time or place to make a scene, especially on my first day at school. I furrowed my brow and concentrated on taking notes on the lecture. I was disappointed to discover that it was on cellular reproduction, something I'd already studied. I continued writing, however, determined to ignore the abomination sitting next to me.

"You never answered my question, you know." He interrupted my thoughts. It was strange to hear the concern that was thick in his voice. He sounded like he really meant it.

"It was nothing." I snapped.

"It didn't look like nothing."

"Why the hell do you care, anyways?"

"I'm not quite sure, actually." There was honesty in his voice, but also confusion. He took a deep breath and continued. "You're fascinating, did you know that?" He was amused again.

"Just stay the hell away from me, O.K.?" I could feel his eyes on me, and the mere thought disgusted me. Yet I couldn't fight the desire to want to look in his eyes again. I felt strangely connected to them… to what they reminded me of.

_Get a grip, Bella! This guy's just like every other jerk out there. _

Thankfully the bell chose that moment to ring, and I quickly gathered my things and stormed out of class, grateful to get away from his piercing eyes. He, apparently, was not so happy about the abrupt end to our conversation and quickly caught up to me. I tried to speed up but he had an easy time matching my pace. I wheeled around to face him, furious.

"What part of 'stay the hell away from me' don't you understand?" I poked my finger at his chest and glared at him accusingly. I braced myself as I met his eyes, but chickened out and settled to look at his forehead. He was definitely surprised, but he quickly recovered and settled on amused.

"I just wanted to apologize for this morning, had I known you didn't want my help, I would have gladly allowed you to fall on your ass. I would have enjoyed the laugh." He was shaking with laughter, he obviously thought himself quite the comedian.

"I'm pretty sure you've already had enough of those at my expense for one day, defending me was hardly necessary."

"It seemed like you were in need of some assistance." Obviously, this guy didn't know when to quit.

"If I needed, or wanted, your 'assistance' for that matter, I would have asked." I was seething. Who the hell did he think he was, anyways?

"I didn't want Lauren to get to you on your first day, that's all." He seemed genuine in his retort, but I didn't trust him.

"Why didn't you? You seem to enjoy Lauren's company?" I retorted maliciously. He stiffened, and I knew I'd struck a nerve. I instantly felt awful about about my needlessly mean retort, but it wasn't like he hadn't deserved it!

"You don't know anything," he scathed.

"Oh, is that right? Well, neither do you." I fired.

"Sorry I bothered," he said, finally exhasperated.

"You should be!" At that, I turned on my heel and headed to my art class.

I had always loved art, and knew that this class would be the only place where I could feel truly at home in this strange town... but I was so angry at this… this stupid boy that I couldn't even focus as my teacher discussed the paintings of the Impressionist period. It bothered me how much our brief quarrel had unnerved me. I didn't even know the guy's name, for pete's sake! But I could think of nothing but our angry interaction for the rest of the day. I headed to my car after class swimming in a cloud of thought. I crossed the parking lot and looked over at others' cars as they drove off. My stranger was standing next to a silver Volvo staring inquisitively at me. I was caught off guard and thanks to my carelessness we made eye-contact. Again, I was instantly still; caught in the memory of times past. I couldn't break eye contact, I couldn't force myself to say goodbye again to those green eyes. There was so much there, they were so deep, so honest… It was like I was looking at my mother all over again. I regretted the thought the instant it crossed my mind, and again, I was fighting back tears.

A backfiring car brought me out of my trance-like state and I blinked furiously to no avail. Tears poured down my face and I chocked back a sob as I tried to find my keys in my bag. I dropped them once, twice, and finally managed to shove them into the lock and shut myself in my car. Another sob escaped me as I backed out of the parking space, nearly running over two other students and peeled out of the lot avoiding those piercing green eyes.

Though I wasn't looking at him, I would have sworn he looked just as pained as I had felt when I passed him in my truck.

I cried the whole drive home.

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**A/N: Hey guys! The next chapter will (hopefully) be up tomorrow. I've got a lot of free time on my hands in the next couple of days and this story is simply itching to be written! I think it might switch between Bella and Edward from here on out, but I still haven't decided... thoughts?**

**As always, ****please please please REVIEW! I love hearing what you have to say!**

xo _auteurinconnu_


	6. New Faces, New places

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 6 – _New Faces, New Places_

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Song: Train, "Meet Virginia"

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The next couple of weeks passed in an insufferable amount of silence. Ever since our fight, I had avoided my stranger like the plague. But even though I wasn't talking to him, my thoughts were absolutely consumed by him. I couldn't shake it, and it bothered me that I felt so drawn to another human being.

I was very aware of his presence when I was at school, and even more aware of his absence when I was at home. I watched him precariously at lunch—peeking up from beneath my eyelashes when I didn't think he was looking in my direction. He always had a girl draped under one of his muscled alabaster arms, and I noticed that the girls constantly were changing. What I found even more fascinating, however, was the apathy with which he treated each one of his 'pets'. It was clear from my perspective that he was adored by the women of Forks High School. Girls were purposely less than graceful and ditzy when they were around him, and it was common for one of his many admirers to collide with another cafeteria patron whilst walking past where he sat with his friends. However, he never paid them any attention. He held them at an arm's length with nothing more than casual indifference to their very existence.

I felt torn; a part of me wanted nothing more than to be one of the girls that swooned over his mere presence. I wanted to jump in front of him while he was walking and apologize profusely for being so tenacious and stubborn. But that part was beaten into submission by the part of me that was absolutely disgusted with him. I'd never known or been in a relationship, (and never would, for that matter) but the manner in which he treated his lap dogs absolutely infuriated me. Who was he to toy with these women as if they were puppets on string? They very clearly wanted nothing more than to be close to him, and yet he was constantly keeping them at bay, keeping them close enough to feign an emotional connection, but distant enough to never have to commit himself. It was deplorable.

_What a masochistic pig. I wouldn't let him touch me with a ten-foot pole._

I snorted at the mere thought of him and I having anything less than animosity towards one another and half of my lemonade came out my nose.

"You okay, Bella?" A deep voice came from in front of me.

I coughed violently and sprayed both myself and whomever had made the inquiry with the rest of my lemonade.

"I'm…" I coughed again "I'm fine" I managed to squeeze out between my gasping and coughing.

I looked up to see Mike Newton standing in front of me with an amused expression on his face. Was it just me, or did he look a little hungry? I shuddered slightly at the thought but dismissed it almost immediately… Mike had been ridiculously nice to me since I first got here. He always said hi to me at lunch and invited me to sit with him every day. I turned him down, of course, but it was comforting that he always asked. I was really starting to warm up to him. My lunch periods usually consisted of spying on my stranger and pulling apart my food. I didn't have much of an appetite, so eating with Charlie at night usually held me over. I ate alone at my table in the corner, and spent my time re-organizing my music selection on my I-pod in my head. I would make playlists to listen to for my art class in the afternoon. Occasionally, I would steal glances at my classmates, but other than that, I kept to myself.

"Bella?" I was pulled out from my thoughts again by Mike, who was still standing in front of me. He still looked hungry, it was in his eyes and was slightly unnerving. Mike caught me staring at him and automatically rearranged his features. He was smiling warmly, and it put me at ease.

"W-what? I'm sorry Mike, what were you saying?"

"I asked if you'd like to sit with me today?" He smiled again. He was pretty decent looking, actually, with messy blonde hair and bright blue eyes, not to mention dimples and a great muscular form. He was pretty popular with the girls, as every football star was, and I always thought him to be very courteous in the way he always interacted with me. He didn't consider me toxic waste like the rest of my classmates. I always wondered what interest I held for him, I was boring, plain, and altogether rather uninteresting. But it wasn't just Mike who kept an annoyingly close eye on me, all of the guys here seemed to take particular interest in my being. I could always feel their eyes on me.

_The guys here were so weird. Perhaps clumsiness is an endearing quality in the north west…_

"Bella?" Mike asked again, this time when I looked up he looked confused and a little hurt.

_Well, crap. Bella, try not to look completely incompetent when talking to one of the people who cares enough to give you the time of day._

"Mike, that's really nice of you and everything, bu—"

I looked up at him to turn him down, and abruptly cut myself off when I caught my stranger glaring at me. His eyes went from Mike to myself several times and I saw his fists clench and his jaw tighten. He looked into my eyes, and I found myself instantly paralyzed. I had, however, managed to master the control over my tear ducts so I no longer cried whenever we accidentally made eye contact. My irrational reaction to his gaze only became more ridiculous, so now when I looked into his eyes, I felt a jolt of electricity pulse through me. It was like evolution in reverse.

_Stupid, masochistic jerk._

I continued to look at him, and his head went ever so slightly from left to the right. Was it just me, or did he just shake his head at me? It was as if he was telling me that I wasn't allowed to sit with Mike. If he thought for one second that he had _any_ sort of influence over me, he was dead wrong. It wasn't like I needed his permission. I steeled myself and glared right back at him as I spoke.

"Actually, you know what, Mike? I think I will." I did my best to smile at Mike, hoping it didn't look too much like a grimace. I must have pulled it off, because Mike was positively beaming. I could feel his happiness radiating off of him, but also, what was it? Triumph? He was almost… smug. I shook my head at the thought and gathered my belongings to follow him to his table. I shot a final glare at my stranger before sitting down next to Mike. He looked mutinous.

I smiled in spite of myself.

_Serves you right you macho, testosterone-driven pig._

I sat down next to Mike and he introduced me to the people sitting with him. He pointed out a taller girl with dirty blonde hair whom I recognized as Angela, and sitting to her left was a mousy looking boy with his nose in a comic book. Angela elbowed him slightly and he peeped over the top of his comic and smiled sheepishly. Another guy sitting to my right spoke to me first.

"Hey Bella, I'm Eric," I looked at him, but his gaze was elsewhere. His eyes were preoccupied with examining every inch of my figure. He smiled and his teeth were slightly yellowed and he smelled of stale cigarette smoke and damp earth. I wrapped my arms around myself uncomfortably and scooted towards Mike, who welcomed my closeness with open arms, literally. He wrapped one of his arms around my shoulder and I shrunk away from his touch immediately. He didn't seem to notice, but his arm loosened slightly. I could have sworn I heard someone growl from across the cafeteria, but I didn't look up to investigate.

Ben piped up next.

"Hi, Bella! I'm Ben, and this is my girlfriend, Angela, but I think you've already met her, have you already met Angela?" His attention turned to the blonde on his right, "Angela have you met Bella?" He spoke incredibly fast and it was entertaining to watch. Angela let him talk and smiled lovingly at him when she replied gently.

"Yes, Ben, we've already met. How are you doing today, Bella?" She smiled at me, her eyes appraising my reaction to her question. She was perceptive, but was never one to pry. Though I hadn't desired being close to anyone here in Forks, I couldn't help but feel like a friend when Angela was around.

"I'm doing fine," I replied quietly. She smiled gently and nodded her head, as if she understood my unease. "Hey, Mike, could you show me your Trig homework? You said you'd already started it and I wanted to check the first couple of answers."

"What? Oh, yeah, sure Ang…" Mike took his arm off my shoulder to grab his backpack from under his chair. Angela shot me an apologetic look and I smiled at her, thankful for her interruption. I wasn't ready for physical contact.

Ben spoke up again from behind his comic.

"So, how do you like it here in Forks, Bella? Have you gone down to the Indian Reserve yet? They've got great fishing there, I've been a couple times with my dad. The La Push kids are real nice, too. You should definitely go check it out sometime. Hey! Why don't you come with u—"

"Ben, breathe," Angela interrupted, "and it wouldn't be a bad idea if you let Bella breathe, too." She giggled and I joined her. I think I could really like Angela.

The bell rang, and I got up to leave. Mike followed close behind me and walked with me to Biology.

"So, Bella, what are you doing this weekend?" Mike asked confidently as we made our way through the halls.

"Oh, uh… nothing, I guess. Probably just some reading and studying." I replied meekly.

"Come on, Bella! You can't be lame ALL of the time."

I flushed. It was completely embarrassing to have my social-awkwardness pointed out like that by Mike. I mean, sure, he was a nice guy, but couldn't he cut me some slack? I thought I was doing the best that I could with everything that was going on! Who was this guy, anyways? Just leave me alone.

"No, Mike, thanks for the offer, but I think I'm just going to lay low this weekend." I said quietly.

"Whatever, Bella. If you didn't want to hang out with me, you should just say so. Toying people along like this isn't fair." Mike said quickly. I was affronted at his snippy reaction. It bothered me that he looked more angry than he did disappointed. I brushed it off and tried to explain myself.

"No, Mike… that's… that's not it. I… I just—"

"Save it, Bella. I don't want to hear it." He turned on his heel and headed into the lab room without taking another look at me. I felt so guilty, and I felt tears stinging my eyes. I wanted to explain my situation to him, but I couldn't bring myself to face the pain again. I had been crying less and less at the pain at home, and the numbness that took its place was all I had to rely on. I couldn't take down that barrier now, I needed it. I tried to compose myself before getting to my seat, but my efforts were in vain. My tears were silently sliding down my face when my stranger sat next to me.

We'd been ignoring each other in class ever since the day of our argument. Both of us sat tensely on the edge of our seats for the entirety of every class, only speaking when others directly addressed us. We never looked at each other, but I would swear that I could feel his attention on me when I allowed my hair to fall down and separate us. It came as no surprise that he ignored me yet again all of class. I tried my best to focus and take notes, but I couldn't help but feel the tension that existed between us today. It had never been there before, but I felt like it was so heavy that I would suffocate. Tears continued to flow freely throughout class. I felt beyond relieved when the bell rang, and I hurried to my locker to gather my sketchbook before art.

He followed me there.

I peeked over my shoulder as I closed my locker and saw my stranger standing casually against a brick pylon, waiting for me to walk. I picked up my pace and stole a glance at him every few steps as I navigated the halls. I was so preoccupied with the person following me that I wasn't paying attention when I took a corner too fast and collided with another person. I squeaked from being spooked and dropped my sketchbook as papers went flying.

The person I ran into had fallen over as well, though her belongings were not nearly as scattered as my own. I took one look at the pixie-like girl and instantly recognized her as the girlfriend of one of the high school's basketball starts, Jasper Hale. She looked at me, froze, and burst out into a fit of laughter.

"Oh god! Bella! Do you always look like that when you run into someone?" She stifled her laughter and tried to regain her composure.

"I, uhhh… n—how do you know m--?" I couldn't form a coherent sentence, astounded that this inhumanly beautiful girl even knew who I was.

My confusion and awkward behavior only sent her into another spasm of giggles.

"Oh, silly Bella! Everyone knows who _you_ are. You're the Chief's daughter, not to mention the hottest thing here!" Her eyes were twinkling as she helped me gather my drawings. I was embarrassed at having someone other than myself see my personal collection of art, but she didn't seem to mind it's dark intensity.

_Wait a minute, did she just say the hottest thing here? God, I hate small town gossip._

I groaned, and the pixie giggled and responded as If she'd heard my concerns. "Not like _that, _silly. I mean, everyone's going to talk and you might as well give them something to talk about… but come _on_, Bella, have you looked in a mirror recently?!" She asked, incredulous, "I mean honestly!"

"I, uh, well… yeah?" I didn't understand what she was trying to say. I knew I wasn't gorgeous but I thought I was decent looking enough… did I really look that bad that she had to question whether or not I've checked out my own reflection? I ran my hands over my sweater and jeans, then tapped the toes of my boots together before looking up at her.

She was standing in front of me with her hip cocked out to the side with one hand balled in a first resting on it. She was tapping her toes impatiently with her dark eyebrows raised, as if she was waiting for a more adequate response.

"Bella, you do know that you're, like, the most gorgeous girl here, right?" She huffed skeptically, "Well, except for maybe Rosalie or Edward…" She grinned mischeviously as I continued to stand there, completely dumbfounded.

"I… well, n—who ARE you?" I managed to squeak out. I turned to look over my shoulder to see if my stranger was there, and felt oddly disappointed when I discovered he was not.

"You don't know who I am?!" She gasped, she feigned horror and dramatically threw one of her hands over her forehead before jumping forward and grabbing my hand to shake it enthusiastically. "I'm Alice, Alice Cullen, and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." At that, she giggled and curtseyed.

"Hi," I replied awkwardly, "I'm Bella, oh, well I guess you already knew that." My face flushed in embarrassment and she wrapped me up in a tight embrace causing me to stiffen out of shock.

"I can just tell we're going to be the best of friends!" She squealed excitedly as she tightened her embrace. She didn't look like much, but the girl had muscles.

"I, uh, Alice? I have to get to class now." I was hoping to get her to loosen her vice-like grip, but she squeezed me even harder (if that was possible) before letting me go and turning to go.

"I'll see you after class, Bella!" She laughed musically and shouted as she rounded the corner, "By the way, you're artwork is fantastic! Remind me to show you my drawings!"

And with that, she was gone.

_What the hell just happened?_

I was holding a pile of my artwork and shuffled it awkwardly in my hands in an attempt to organize it before opening the art room door. I felt like one of them was missing, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I flipped through it to see if I could remember, but nothing came to mind. I shrugged it off, thinking it was nothing and focused on studying the art of the Renaissance for the remainder of class.

Alice was waiting for me outside of the classroom when the bell rang. I had no idea how she'd gotten there so quickly, but I was surprisingly pleased to see her when I stepped out into the hall.

"Bella!" She exclaimed loudly, "Did you miss me?!"

"I, uh, well… yes?"

"Oh, Bella, you shouldn't lie. You're a terrible liar. You get all nervous and can't look me in the eye."

I laughed with her this time, knowing that she was right. She linked her arm with mine and walked with me to my locker. She gabbed the entire way there about clothes, boys, make-up, and the latest in celebrity gossip. I couldn't help but fall in love with Alice, her enthusiasm was contagious, and I felt more human when I was around her. She didn't mind that I didn't talk much. In fact, I don't think she really noticed. She was completely absorbed in the embroidery of a dress she just bought and was telling me about to notice much else. I was hardly aware of the fact that we were in the parking lot until we reached her car.

There were three other people waiting around the silver Volvo when we arrived there. They were all people I recognized from lunch—though the only person's name I knew was Jasper. I recognized him from an article in the local newspaper about the upcoming basketball game with the rival high school in the area. The whole school was buzzing about it.

"Hey guys!" Alice chirped as we approached the vehicle, "This is Bella! I ran into her in the hallway today and have decided that we're going to be the best of friends! Isn't she fabulous?!"

I chose that moment to trip and drop my bag.

The beautiful blonde rolled her eyes and shrugged. Her boyfriend, the large muscular boy with dark curly hair burst into a fit of laughter.

"Alice! You've done it again! Does she do this a lot? I hope so, it's hysterical!" He was still laughing as he helped me gather up my spilled books. "Bella, I'm Emmett, Emmett Cullen. I'm Alice's older brother." He boomed. His eyes were shining when he handed me back my belongings. I could tell I was going to get along well with him.

"Bella, I'm Rosalie," said the gorgeous blonde, "Forgive my boyfriend, he gets a bit boisterous" She smiled and pushed him playfully.

Emmett responded by socking Rosalie in the arm. She moved so fast I almost didn't see her, but before I knew it, she was standing behind Emmett with his arm twisted behind his back. Emmett was cowering in pain as Rosalie bent his fingers even further out of place.

"Not… gonna… say it… Rose!" Emmett barked. Rosalie responded by wrenching his arm to the side, Emmett gasped in pain.

"Ok, ok, ok! Damnit! Rose is the queen of my existence, I will bow before her now…" Rosalie smiled and released him from her hold and allowed him to bow multiple times before tapping his shoulder to excuse him of his duties. Emmett stood next to me and whispered: "But if I had my say in things, she'd be a big fat cow!" Emmett's booming laughter filled the air as he completed his rhyme and turned to run and Rosalie when chasing after him, leaving me with Alice and Jasper. Jasper's demeanor made me feel relaxed, and I could tell that he was a no-pressure kind of guy. I thought this odd, seeing as he was a star athlete, but maybe that's what made him so good, he was always cool under pressure.

He extended his hand towards me.

"Alice has told me all about you," he smiled.

"How? I just met her an hour ago!" I asked incredulously.

Jasper pulled out his cell phone and handed it to me. "Check out the inbox." I clicked through and read a couple of the texts, they were all a description of me. I was shocked, but Jasper laughed.

"Ah, the glory of today's technology…" Alice chimed. Jasper kissed her cheek. "I wanted you to meet Edward, Bella, but it seems he's gone missing!"

"Who's Edward?" I asked.

"Oh, he's my twin brother, I really don't know where he's gone off to."

"It's ok, I can meet him tomorrow. I need to get going anyways, Charlie's lost without me, and I need to go grocery shop—"

"No Bella!" Jasper shouted

"—ping" I finished.

Alice squealed and began jumping excitedly up and down in circles around me.

"Did you say shopping?" She sang, "I love shopping! Oh, Bella, you have to come shopping with me this weekend! It'll be so much fun! There's a dance next weekend and we can get dresses and shoes and make-up and jewelry and oh, gosh! This is so exciting!" I waited for her to stop moving and recommence breathing.

"I tried to warn you," Jasper sighed but smiled adoringly at Alice, "There's no stopping her once she gets started."

"I… well, I don't really like shopping, Alice." She'd caught me in a lie before, so I wasn't about to try and get away with it again.

"Oh, nonsense, Bella! You're coming and that's final."

I sighed, something told me I wouldn't be able to get out of this even if I tried.

"Ok, Alice, but I really do have to go now."

"Great, Bella! I can't wait! See you tomorrow!" she said musically as I turned to leave.

"See you."

It surprised me that I was smiling when I reached my car.

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**A/N: This chapter is a lot of fluff, but I promise that next chapter will be even better! Edward and Bella's relationship is about to take a really dramatic turn!**

**As always, please please PLEASE review!**

xo auteurinconnu


	7. Missing the Bigger Picture

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 7 – _Missing the Bigger Picture_

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Song: Linkin Park, "Pushing me away"

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I didn't sleep well that night. A pair of green eyes were all I could see when I closed mine, it was maddening. I couldn't escape them.

I didn't eat breakfast, though I made myself a bowl of cereal, and decided instead to drink some coffee and draw. I wasn't paying attention to my sketchbook until I looked down, spilling my coffee all over the table. A had drawn a pair of green eyes. I was almost mortified, but I didn't have time for it, I was going to be late for school. I shut my sketchbook and stuffed it in my bag before running out the door.

The truck's engine whined in protest as I encouraged it to go faster and faster. I pulled into the lot as most of the rest of the student body was arriving. I went to my locker to grab my things for my next class, and turned around. My stranger was at his locker, but was staring at me.

_What was his problem, anyways?_

His staring was interrupted by someone short and blonde, and she curled her arms around his neck and kissed his chest. He looked away from her, focusing his attention on putting things in his locker. I was surprised at my reaction to the incident. I was angry at the blonde girl. I couldn't be jealous, could I?

My classes passed without consequence, but the tension between my stranger and I was still thick in the air. I couldn't shake the emotions that nagged at me when I saw him with that blonde girl. What was my issue, really? I couldn't be interested in this jerk. I wasn't interested in anyone. I was thankful that I had art after biology to relieve my stress. I left the lab in a rush again, and wasn't paying attention as I collided with the door frame, sending my artwork everywhere.

_That's the second time in two freaking days. You need some serious help, Bella._

Some other kids in the class helped me gather all of my artwork, and I swiftly and unceremoniously stuffed it into my bag and hurried to the art room. When I got there, I re-organized my sketches. I felt like one of them was missing, but I couldn't tell which. I shrugged it off, hoping that it wasn't one of my darker pieces. I was glad that I never signed my work. Even if someone found something dark and scary, it wouldn't be traced back to me.

I focused on the sculpture I was working on for the rest of class, lost in thought until the bell rang. I wiped the plaster dust off of myself as best I could and hurried out the door. Alice was waiting there, and linked her arm with mine again before heading with me to my locker. Again, she babbled about clothing and shopping while I gathered my homework. I laughed with her when she recounted something entertaining that had happened at lunch that day, finding anything involving Emmett to be highly entertaining. She reminded me of our shopping trip for the hundredth time before bidding me adieu to go home with Jasper.

I giggled and waved goodbye before heading to my truck. Angela caught up with me as I crossed the parking lot.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hey, Angela."

Angela smiled at me before continuing.

"I just wanted to apologize for the way Mike acted yesterday. He's a nice guy, really. I just, I don't think he's used to pretty girls turning him down."

_What is with people thinking I'm pretty? Are they insane? _

"It's okay, Angela." I tried to grin at her, but she looked incredibly uneasy, though she returned the smile. "Is something wrong?"

"Edward Cullen is staring at you."

"What?" _What is it with the boys at this school?_

"Over there, Edward Cullen. He's staring right at you." I wheeled around to look in the direction she was pointing, and found myself staring into the eyes of my stranger. I was paralyzed, yet again. So this was why she looked so uneasy. At least I knew the name of the person whose eyes had completely captivated my every thought. I couldn't take my eyes away, though, and I felt electricity shoot through me. I shuddered, bringing me back down to earth.

"Who, him? Just ignore him, Angela. He's just a jerk anyways. Personally, I can't stand him." I bitterly spat.

"What?" Angela looked completely dumbfounded, "Most girls would kill to have Edward Cullen look at them like that."

"Look at them like what?" I asked. "He's just looking."

"Bella, be serious, Edward Cullen is _looking_ at you." She emphasized the 'looking' and I turned to glance at him again. I took my time looking at his features. His hair… his face… those eyes…

_Snap out of it, Bella!_

I shook my head and looked away. There was something else there in his eyes, something more, the something Angela was referring to. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it almost felt like longing. Yes, that was it, Edward Cullen was looking at me longingly. As if I'd even go near that pompous fool. There was something else there, something deeper, I closed my eyes and pictured his face again, trying to place the emotion that was dancing in his eyes. Was it pain? No, it couldn't be. I was missing out on something that should have been obvious to me.

My sketch! That was the sketch that I was missing! I had drawn those green eyes this morning after I woke up, because I felt as though they were haunting me. There was a coffee stain on the corner of the page from where I had spilled as I was eating my breakfast! Damn it, I'd have to go back and find it. God only knows what kind of rumor that would start.

"Ang, he's male. He has hormones, and I'm female. I'm sure it's nothing more than that." I dismissed the idea furtively, more for the sake of keeping myself from getting my ridiculous hopes up than anything. "I have to go get something I forgot back inside, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, well, alright Bella. See you later." She waved as she turned towards her car. Ben was waiting by the passenger side door, his nose still in a comic book. I laughed at the odd pairing, then turned to the school and headed back indoors. I scanned the halls looking for my missing artwork and came up with nothing. I sighed and turned around to go back to my truck. As I was rounding the corner, I collided with someone, yet again. But this time, instead of falling, a familiar pair of pale hands shot out, wrapped around my waist, and helped me to steady myself.

"Take it easy there, stranger, we don't want a repeat of this afternoon." He was shaking with laughter, and I was fuming.

"Get your hands off me!" I shrieked, "Who knows where they've been!?" He laughed again, but a little more darkly. I was being irrational, again, but it seemed I always was when I was around him.

"I assure you they're clean." I looked up at him, and he smiled gently, but it didn't reach his eyes. Clearly, I'd offended him. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Those eyes were so familiar, so comforting. I felt the electricity shoot through me. He must have felt it too, because he took a wary step back, never breaking eye contact, but fear became apparent in his features.

He stuck his hand out and looked down at it, breaking our connection.

"I'm Edward Cullen, and I don't believe we've been formally introduced." He sounded like some old-fashioned movie, and his formality almost made me want to hurl. I hesitated to take his hand, and he caught my delay and laughed. "I promise I'm not going to attack you."

I reached forward, hesitating again, before I spoke. "I'm Isabella—Bella Swan." I cleared my throat loudly and placed my hand gently in his. A spark went right up my arm and I jumped back in alarm, causing me to fall over backwards. Edward looked down at me in surprise, then burst into laughter, throwing his head back and holding his stomach.

"Oh shove off!" I yelled as I righted myself. He tried to speak, but he was laughing too hard and couldn't form words. Tears started to form at the corner of his mouth and I stalked away in a rage. He followed, still unable to form a sentence, and his musical laughter was quickly grating my nerves.

"Bella, Bella wait!"He gasped as I threw open the school doors.

"What do you want, Edward?" I turned while simultaneously closing my eyes. I didn't want to lose my ability to speak when I was trying to be rude. It defeated the purpose entirely.

"Oh, well, I wanted to introduce myself."

"Yes, clearly. Well you've already done that. If that's all, I'll just be on my way." I turned to leave and he grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Wait, Bella," I sighed. I turned around again and saw him pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed as if he'd lost his composure. I put my hand on my hip and waited impatiently for him to speak. When he didn't, I took the initiative.

"Is there something I can do for you, Edward?"

"Oh, there are many things you can do for me, Bella." He flashed me a mischievous smile. _Looks like he's regained his composure._ I was too flabbergasted by his being forward to respond. I simply turned on my heel and stalked away. He jogged to catch up, matching my pace easily.

"Leave me alone, Edward Cullen, I want nothing to do with you!" I said over my shoulder.

"Come on, Bella, I was just joking!" He laughed.

This enraged me, how could he possibly think that kind of intimacy was humorous? I'd had this talk with my mother several times… _Oh, Damnit. Now you've gone and done it, Bella. _Tears formed in my eyes, but I wasn't about to allow my innate ability to be over-emotional stop me from making my point.

"I'm not about to become one of your after-school activities, Edward." I hoped that he'd catch on to the implications.

"Oh, so you like basketball?" He joked. "I mean, I'll try and get you a place on the team, but there's some _stiff_ competition…" He trailed off, clearly impressed with the double meaning. I'd had enough. I stopped in my tracks, forcing him to pay attention to me. I didn't speak until he'd turned to face me.

I pointed my finger at him, completely infuriated.

"If you think for one second, Edward Cullen, that I'm about to become one of your mindless admirers, you've got another thing coming to you. What were you expecting, for me to bend over backwards for you, simply because of the way that you look? If you think that little of me, then this conversation was over before it even began! Do you honestly believe that being good looking and charismatic entitles you to getting whatever you please? You and I both know that you don't have what you're looking for, but how DARE you come to me in a selfish effort for you to meet your 'needs'. "

I was screaming, allowing all of my pent up frustration escape through my words and the tears that were falling down my face. As I spoke, he was shocked, but then grew angry.

"Who the hell are you to judge me? And what do you mean by 'you don't have what you're looking for' I have everything I could have ever wanted!" He shouted right back at me.

"Who are you trying to convince? Yourself? Because it sure as hell isn't me!"

"You don't know anything about me!" He roared.

"I've seen the way you treat those women, Edward," I sneered his name with every bit of malice I had, "You're using them for all they're worth! You don't even _look _at them when they're with you, and you've made it very clear about how much they mean to you. _The_ only people that don't seem to be aware of your discontent are the brainless idiots who spend their time trying to make you happy!"

"Those girls… they're my friends." Even he doubted the words as they left his mouth.

"Friends with benefits, more like it." I scoffed haughtily.

"And so what if they are? What's it to you?"

"It's nothing to me!"

"Then why are you bringing it up?!"

"Because you're making yourself miserable and you don't even know it! You've deluded yourself into thinking that sex or whatever with these bimbos is going to make you happy. You should realize by now that it's only making it worse! Are you really that blind?!" I didn't understand why I was so honest, brutally so, with this person I had just met. But I couldn't stop myself. I was too angry.

"Oh, and what about you, little miss sunshine, Are you happy?" His voice was just as loud as mine, if not louder.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You want to pass judgment on me, FINE!" He bellowed, "But how about you get a taste of your own medicine before you get comfortable on that throne of yours."

_Uh-oh. This is not good._

"You think you're the only one that's been paying attention, Bella? I've seen you, seen the way you hide yourself from the world. I see the dark circled under your eyes, the tearstains on your face every morning. Listening to your I-pod to drown out humanity."

"Y-you don't know w-what you're t-talking about…" I stammered.

"Oh, really? I don't? You don't eat, you don't talk to people, it's like you don't even give a damn about the life you have! You're a ghost, Bella. You can hardly call what you do everyday living!"

"THAT'S BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A REASON TO LIVE!" I screamed at him. He took a step back in surprise. I collapsed to the ground sobbing as the pain I'd been working so hard to numb ripped at my chest. I clutched my arms around myself to try and keep myself together, but it was no use.

"Oh, Bella… Bella I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't… I didn't mean t—" He reached his hands out to comfort me, but that was the last thing in the world that I wanted.

"GET AWAY FROM ME, EDWARD CULLEN! DON'T YOU EVER COME NEAR ME EVER AGAIN!" I shrieked.

I tried to stand up, but the energy I'd expended arguing with Edward had nearly drained me. He again tried to comfort me.

"I SAID GET AWAY FROM ME! STAY AWAY FROM ME! MOM!" I screamed. Only then did I realize my mistake. I froze, and Edward stood wide-eyed and took a step backwards. I looked into his eyes, those brilliant green eyes and the memory flooded my mind.

"_Bella! Look at me, damnit!" Her voice was stronger now, but there was a definite sadness in her voice. My eyes snapped up to meet hers, still brilliantly green and completely untouched by the devastation that surrounded us. "Bella… you have to… to promise me something…" Her breathing was ragged again, but the intensity in her eyes was unnerving…_

I looked away from Edward to the cold concrete I was sitting on, and tried to control my breathing. My sobs made it entirely impossible, and I wavered as my vision started to blur.

I felt myself being scooped up into someone's arms as everything went black.

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**A/N: Sorry about the cliff-hanger, but it was the best stopping point in the story at this point. Don't worry, though, I'm halfway done with the next chapter! **

**Please, please, PLEASE review! I want to know what you're thinking. (The good, the bad, and the ugly). I decided to keep it in Bella's point of view (obviously) instead of alternating. Please let me know if you like it or not!**

**A special shoutout to Bryan my "editor" who graciously reads these before I post them!**

xo auteurinconnu


	8. Ulterior Motives

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 8 – _Ulterior Motives_

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Song: The Killers, "Change Your Mind"

* * *

My head was spinning. I tried opening my eyes but my body resisted. I could feel that I was laying on something hard, but it didn't feel cold as the concrete had out in the parking lot. I tried to remember what happened, but the only thing that came to mine were the eyes of Edward Cullen. Those deep, green, piercing eyes… I tried to shake my head to clear it, but my body was completely immobilized. It was as if I was paralyzed. I started to panic, straining against the invisible bindings that held me in place. It was only then that I noticed I wasn't alone. I could hear other people near me. The conversations were fuzzy but I could tell they were urgent. I strained to listen more closely, and snippets of words filtered into my brain.

"Bella… parking lot... fainted… yes, I'll wait… please hurry…"

Whose ever voice that was, was worried. No, they were beyond worried. It's almost as if they sounded panicked. The voice was so gentle, almost like an angel, an angel shouldn't be panicked. I was confused, why did I recognize that voice? More importantly, why was it so comforting to me? I again pushed myself to listen with more clarity, but it was still a bit distorted. I felt so safe whenever I heard the voice, so secure; like a pair of arms had wrapped themselves around me and were rocking me back and forth to comfort me. The sensation was so realistic I could have sworn it was actually happening. Could it be… could it be… my mother?

_No, Bella, that's impossible. Your mother is dead._

Even subconsciously my own dialogue was painful. I winced at the pain I felt in my chest and the warm arms that were rocking me back and forth went absolutely still, and then they were gone. I felt cold in their absence, nothing could be more reminiscent of _her_. I felt a warm hand gently caress my face. It had to be her, I would never allow anyone else to touch me like that. I'd sworn I never would. The warmth was soon gone again. Where had she gone? Why would she leave me again? I wanted her to come back, to hold me again, to make me feel safe and loved. I called out to her, hoping she would hear my pleas and come back to soothe me.

"M-mom?" My voice was weak at best, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Bella?" The angel was definitely panicked now. I felt someone petting my hair to calm me. I fluttered my eyes open only to find myself staring in the eyes of my mother. I smiled ecstatically, I couldn't be more happy to see anyone in my entire life. The eyes smiled back reassuring me that I was going to be ok. I sighed in relief and closed my eyes.

"I'm so glad you're awake." My eyes snapped open again. That voice was not the voice of an angel, or my mother, that was the voice of Edward Cullen. I whipped my head around to face him, and found his face only inches from mine. He exhaled, stunning me with his alarmingly delicious scent, and smiled again. I tried to focus but he made it damn near impossible to think of anything. I was completely intoxicated by him. I leaned forward closing the gap between our faces. I watched as he closed his eyes and tilted his head towards me. Was he trying to kiss me? I couldn't think, his scent was all around me and my brain had turned to mush. I hesitated as I tried to clear my thoughts, but I could think of nothing else besides his lips on mine. I tilted my head forward to meet his lips when a door slammed open, causing me to jump back in alarm. It had slipped my attention, however, that I was sitting on a bench, and in my jumping I hit the edge and toppled over backwards smacking my head against the wall and landing in an unorganized mess on the floor. I tried to re-orient myself, but my limbs were all tangled and I couldn't move. I drew in an annoyed breath before speaking.

"Can somebody please help me? I'm… well, I'm stuck."

I heard booming laughter from across the hall, and a large, muscled arm reached out and helped untangle me. Emmett had tears pouring down his face. Over his shoulder I could see Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie all trying to contain their giggling.

"Bella," he gasped between chuckles, "You are stupendously uncoordinated." He wiped away the tears from his face as he continued laughing at me. "I've never seen anyone fold like that before, that has to be some sort of talent!"

"Remind me to hit 'record' the next time I anticipate becoming human origami" I hissed. My annoyance had no effect whatsoever on Emmett, in fact, my agitation only made him laugh harder.

"No worries, Bella! We've already got you on camera!" He doubled over in laughter again and had to sit down. Rosalie held up her cell phone sheepishly.

"Sorry, Bella," she said kindly, "When Edward called us and told us what happened, Emmett made me promise to record it. He didn't want to miss anything this time." She giggled and whipped her hand to her mouth to stifle it. At that, I had to laugh, too. Besides, Emmett was now rolling on the floor, literally, unable to contain how hilarious he found my balance-related inadequacies. I rolled my eyes at Rosalie, she smiled and went to tend to her boyfriend. She whacked the back of his head with her bag.

"Ouch, Rose, what was that for?!" Emmett complained.

"You're ruining the shirt I got you!" She feigned being hurt and he got up to hug her. Her back was facing me and Emmett winked at me and smiled mischeviously.

"I know babe, that's why I was doing it. Where'd you get this thing, anyways? It's hideous!" Rosalie tried to retaliate physically, but Emmett flexed his humongous muscles around her and held her in place. She struggled, but her efforts were in vain.

Alice walked up from behind them and smacked Emmett on the back of the head on her way over to me.

"Alice?! What was that for?" This time, Emmett looked legitimately confused.

"I picked out that shirt! It is _not_ hideous!" She huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest. Emmett burst into another fit of laughter and this time Jasper and Rosalie joined in. Emmett released his hold on Rosalie and kissed the top of her head.

Alice rolled her eyes impatiently, and then came over and to sit next to me on the bench. She put a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, are you okay? Edward was frantic when he called me, he didn't know what to do. What happened?" She looked immensely concerned.

"Well Alice, to be honest, I'm not really sure what happened… we were in the parking lot and I guess I fainted." I said quietly. I was embarrassed that someone had to witness my moment of weakness like that.

"Is that what you remember?" Edward asked incredulously.

"Y-yes? What else could have happened?"

"Well then, have at it, smarty pants! The floor is yours!" Alice quipped. She was tapping her toe again.

"We were arguing, screaming at each other, actually." Edward said, he was smirking, but I could tell he wasn't entertained. Whatever I said to him during our argument must have really gotten to him. I concentrated on what had transpired, filing through my memory trying to locate what I had lost. That's when it hit me. Everything that Edward had said came flying back to me and I was overwhelmed with the pain of its honesty. I started crying.

Alice looked horrified. "Oh my god! Bella? Edward! What did you do?!"

"H-he… f-fighting… mean… m-mom!" I pointed my finger accusingly at Edward, and he backed up with his hands in the air signaling surrender.

Alice immediately popped up, and Jasper replaced her. He draped an arm over my shoulder and I felt more at ease. I watched Alice as she stalked angrily towards her twin brother.

"Edward. Cullen. You. Complete. ARSE!" She roared. Each word was matched with a particularly brutal looking punch in the arm. "Bella is new here, and I'm trying to be her friend! Don't you dare go messing things up for me this time! I really like her! Just. Because. She. Won't. Sleep. With. You!" There was more punching. "ARGH! What am I going to do with you?!" Alice threw her hands up in the air in exasperation while Edward flinched, clearly anticipating another round of blows

_Remind me to never get on Alice's bad side_.

She returned to me, sitting opposite of Jasper and hugged me. "Sorry, Bella. I don't know what got into him!" She kept her arms around me until I was only sniffling.

"I do." _Pushy macho jerk._ I glared at him with all the intensity I could muster given the circumstances, and was surprised when Alice laughed.

"Oh, Bella. You can't blame him." She sighed.

"Yes I can." I retorted impetuously. "That's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Bella, my brother's a lot of things, but a jerk's not one of them. He's a nice guy who has, well, has the tendency to, er, indulge, when it comes to women…" she trailed off a bit. I was quiet. "But, I mean, who could blame him? He's gorgeous!" Alice was smiling broadly.

"Alice!" I was shocked, Edward was her brother!

It was as if she'd heard what I was thinking. "What?! We share genes! I can't help it that we were blessed with good looks… and besides, Bella, it's not like you've missed out in beauty… could you be any more attractive?!" She stared me down, but I brushed her comment off.

"Oh, honestly Alice,"

"I am being honest, no wonder Edward took such interest in you…"

"Me? With that womanizing, masochistic jerk?! I would nev—"

"Bella, take a deep breath, I was kidding"

"I know, he just completely infuriates me!"

"Just take it easy on him, okay? He's doing the best that he can." Alice said. She looked right at me, and I searched her face for a trace of deceit, but I couldn't find one.

I sighed, "Okay, Alice."

"Great!" She again pulled me into her strangely fierce embraces before bounding off to kiss Jasper on the cheek. She headed down the hall and around the corner with him holding his hand and whispering to him.

I noticed that Rosalie and Emmett were gone, but Edward was standing across the hall leaning against the wall across from me. He was staring at me. I felt myself blush at the intensity of his gaze. It was like he was searching for something, but for what? I looked away from him at the ground. My head snapped up at the sound of the doors opening with a fury. Mike Newton looked enraged.

_How on earth did Mike get here?_

"GET AWAY FROM HER, CULLEN!" He bellowed. His voice filled the hallway and I cowered away from its sound. It was menacing and not at all endearing; more possessive than caring. Edward smiled at him, then looked to me. I didn't know what he was looking for, so I turned my attention to Mike.

"Mike, it's okay. I'm okay." I didn't look at him, he was scaring me, but for some strange reason I wanted him to leave Edward alone. It wasn't as if he'd forced me to faint. Besides, I had been equally cruel in our argument, I figured I deserved what I got.

Instead of coming to me, Mike stepped in front of Edward and puffed out his chest in a show of testosterone and masculinity. "She's _my_ responsibility, Cullen. She's _mine._ Stay the hell away from her." Mike hissed. I was surprised that the words made me incredibly uncomfortable. I was sure that Mike meant nothing more than wanting to take care of me, but there was a strange edge to them I wasn't sure I liked. When I looked up at them, Edward was still looking at me, a pained expression on his face.

"You can't claim what was never yours, Newton." Edward didn't look at him when he was speaking, instead, he looked directly at me. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to take Bella home."

"N-no, it's okay, I still have my c—" I began, but I was cut off by Mike.

"_I_ am perfectly capable of driving her home, Cullen."

"As I'm sure you are, however, I do feel responsible for the incident, therefore I should be the one to take her home." Edward was unbelievably polite. I was astounded at his demeanor, but also agitated. It wasn't anyone's fault. I wasn't some sick puppy that needed immediate attention and constant care.

Mike took a step forward and raised his arms aggressively, I didn't like where this was going.

"Guys, I can drive myself." I held up my car keys and shook them to get their attention. But I was ignored.

"You won't be going anywhere with her," Mike jeered.

Edward retorted, "I don't remember asking for your permission."

Mike cracked his knuckles. He looked like he was getting ready to hit Edward. Fear wrenched my gut and I stepped in between them, placing one of my hands on each of their chests. Another spark flew up my arm from where I touched Edward. His attention was instantly on me. Mike, however, was still looking at Edward like he wanted to kill him.

"Mike, MIKE!" I yelled. "Look, I can drive myself home. Enough of this childish quarreling. It's fine. _I'm _fine. That's what's supposed to matter, isn't it?" Edward relaxed and nodded in agreement, but Mike didn't respond. He was still glaring at Edward. I sighed.

"Look, Mike, you can take me home if it will end this stupid fight. It's not that big of a deal, I'm fine. Let's just go." Mike heard that. Edward looked extremely uncomfortable, frightened even. I had the strange urge to comfort him, but I was agitated and my head was starting to hurt. I needed to get home.

Mike wrapped his arm tightly around my waist, too tightly for my comfort. It felt hot, heavy, and unwelcome. But I knew that I wasn't strong enough to untangle myself and besides, Mike's always been nice to me. He was being protective of my well being. I was flattered at the friendly gesture. I waved half-heartedly at Edward as I was ushered through the doors. Mike walked me to his car, and I stopped in my tracks when I got a glimpse of it. I gaped at it. It had to be the largest truck I've ever seen. The tires sat on lifts and the fender was even with my waist. There was no way I'd be able to get in without help.

(see my profile for picture of truck)

"I, uh, Mike?" I asked, hoping he would catch on. Mike laughed and grabbed my waist forcefully to hoist me up to the seat. I didn't miss that he had his hands on my backside for an unreasonable amount of time. I managed to scramble up to the seat after what felt like an eternity. His hands were places they definitely shouldn't have been. I sat down in the passenger seat feeling awkward and uncomfortable. He climbed up effortlessly into the cab and slung his arm around me as we drove to my house in his oversized truck.

When we pulled into my driveway, I hastily unbuckled myself and opened the door. I looked down at the ground warily from where I was sitting and gulped.

"Bella?" Mike asked, "What are you doing?"

"I, uh, I'm going inside?" I was confused. He'd driven me home, hadn't he? I double-checked our location and was relieved to see Charlie's house sitting in front of me.

"Without saying thank you?" he teased. He grinned at me, but it looked somewhat sinister.

"Oh, yeah, right. Sorry." I turned to him, took a deep breath, and twiddled my fingers. "Thanks for driving me home, Mike." I turned away from him to attempt the descent to the ground when he grabbed my arm forcefully.

"That's not what I meant, Bella." His grip was firm, and a little too tight for my tastes. I tried to free it, but it only made him tighten it. He pulled me towards him and closed his eyes, and I braced myself for what was coming next.

A horn honked, and I jumped. Mike released my arm in surprise and I took advantage of the distraction to climb down out of the car, I managed to get down well enough, but I fell when my feet touched the driveway. I saw headlights behind Mike, and recognized my dad's police cruiser. For once, I was thankful of the fact that Charlie was a cop. I yelled thanks to Mike again before reaching up and shutting the door and hurrying inside. I ran upstairs to put my bag away and went down to the kitchen to start dinner. It had been a long day, and I wanted something comforting. I looked in the refrigerator and found the supplies for Sloppy Joes. I used to love those as a kid, and figured they'd be easy enough to make quickly. I set out all of the ingredients and got to work.

I heard Charlie come in and take off his gun and jacket. He ambled into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"Was that the Newton boy who'd dropped you off?" Charlie asked, obviously curious as to what I was doing with him.

"Yeah, he offered to drive me home. I thought it would be rude to say no."

"Did something happen to your car?" Charlie was much too observant.

"Uh, er, no." I was scrambling for an excuse, but nothing came to mind.

"Hm." Charlie sighed. "Well, I like that Newton kid, he's got a good head on his shoulders." I turned to look at him, stunned by his response. I figured there'd be no teenage boy he'd even _think_ to approve of while I was alive.

"Oh, okay."

He read this morning's paper for a while before putting it down and turning his attention back to me.

_I knew I'd never get off that easy._

"So Bells, how was your day?"

"It was okay." _Until I mysteriously fainted in the parking lot._

"Anything you want to tell me about?"

"No, not really."

"Dr. Cullen called me." _Crap._

"Oh, that." I kicked myself mentally. "It was nothing dad, just a little fainting spell."

"You sure, kid? Carlisle was worried. Oh, and he said he'd have Edwin bring your truck home, I gave him my spare key." His eyes were appraising me, so I avoided them and focused on plating the Sloppy Joes.

"It's Edward, dad, and it was nothing." I set down his plate in front of him and quickly devoured mine. Arguing with Edward and falling unconscious must have given me quite the appetite. We finished our dinner in silence. I cleared the table and did the dishes as Charlie went into the living room and sat down. He turned on ESPN and was watching the game. I cleaned and dried the plates then put them away before heading into the living room. I stood behind the couch feigning interest in the game for a few minutes before speaking.

"Hey, Dad, I'm going up to study."

"What? Oh, alright." He waved me off before turning back to his game.

I walked up the narrow staircase to my room. I plopped down on my bed and opened up one of my textbooks to study, but the emotional and physical toil of the day was straining on my ability to stay awake and focused. I tried to make sense of the muddle of numbers and words on the page in front of me, but everything seemed blurry. I felt like I had read the same sentence fifteen times. I put the book down and laid my head on my desk.

Before I knew it, I was asleep.

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**A/N: Next chapter will be up soon soon soon! It's already written, I'm just waiting for my "editor" to get back to me on grammatical issues. It might be up tonight, but tomorrow's also a possibility.**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! It only makes me write faster! (Plus, I love hearing what you guys think about my work! Don't forget to be honest!)**

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xo auteurinconnu


	9. Cruel Intentions

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 9 - _Cruel Intentions_

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Song: Daughtry, "Breakdown"

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_--_

_The forest was dark and impenetrable. I was running from him, but I could sense his heavy breathing only a few yards behind me. I screamed for help, but the noise was drowned out by the beating of the base. No one would come for me. I grew more and more frantic as I pushed myself forward into the darkness. I tripped, scraping my knees and my legs on the undergrowth. Another sob tore through my chest. I curled up in a ball and waited for my fate, waited for the horror that was coming for me._

_A bright light flashed in front of me, dredging up fears I was trying to keep at bay. _

"_Finally" the voice purred. I turned and looked into those deep, green eyes. _

_--_

I was aware of screaming as I looked in a panic around my room, and it took me a second or two to realize that all of the noise was coming from me. There was a loud banging that was shaking my walls. I curled up into a ball at the terrifying noise.

"Bella?!" It was Charlie. He was pounding on my door frantically trying to get in. I hadn't noticed that I'd locked it. "Bella let me in! Are you alright?"

I hurried across my room to let Charlie in, gasping for breath and wiping the tears from my eyes. He wrapped me into a fierce hug out of concern. I tried hard to resist them, but in Charlie's arms, I couldn't contain my fears. I started sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. He stiffened, clearly uncomfortable with my emotional release, but allowed me to cry. I pushed away from him after a few minutes and wiped furiously at my face and tried to control my breathing.

"S-sorry, Ch-charlie," I gasped, "It w-was just a b-bad d-dream." I lay down in my bed and pulled the covers over me. I felt Charlie standing there, and I could tell that he wanted to say something, but I heard nothing. I listened for the closing of my door, which came after a few minutes of silence.

I wasn't tired anymore, and according to my clock it was 5:30 in the morning. I gathered my toiletries and took a long, hot, shower, allowing the water's heat to relax my tense muscles and soothe my aches and pains. I took a long time getting ready this morning, fully drying my fair so it was perfectly straight and brushing my teeth for an obnoxiously long period of time. I ate breakfast in a hurry, not wanting to talk to Charlie about what had happened this morning and rushed out the door. I got to school early and decided to study the Trigonometry that had put me to sleep the night before. I was beginning to grasp the concepts when Alice practically tackled me off the bench I was sitting on.

"Bella! Guess what today is?" She was practically dancing in her seat.

"I, uh, your birthday?" I said stupidly. I blinked several times trying to formulate a more intelligent response, but Alice continued as if she hadn't heard me.

"It's shopping day!" She was ecstatic "Oh bella! This is going to be just to much fun! We're going to Seattle to get to the good stores and we're going to try on dresses and shoes and make-up and then you're going to spend the night at my house and Rosalie is coming too! I can hardly wait!"

By the looks of her, I believed her. She was bouncing up and done with the words flying out of her mouth at a mile a minute.

"I haven't had a sleepover in a while, so I think I got all of the essentials. I got popcorn and awful movies from the fifties and nail polish and facial kits and every kind of ice cream you could imagine. Oh, I hope I got your favorite! I even went out and got new sheets for you to sleep on. 800 thread count Egyptian cotton! Only the best for my very best!"

I groaned. "Alice, you really didn—"

"Yes, I did. I want you to have a good time. Plus, it was an excuse to go shopping! Oh shopping tonight is going to be such a ball! And you're going to get the prettiest dress! I can't wait!"

She squeezed me into a hug and bounced down the hall humming joyfully. She practically ran Jasper over when she caught up to him.

"I'll see you after school!" she sang over her shoulder. Jasper shot me an apologetic look as he turned to walk with her. I waved and laughed as they rounded the corner together.

My first classes passed by in a daze. Everything felt like one big blur as a result of my lack of sleep the night before. I hoped my being distracted hadn't made itself known in my classes. I tried thinking though each subject, remembering what we did in each class period. I was pretty sure I had managed to do alright on my Trigonometry quiz this morning, and English always went pretty well for me, but I completely spaced on what had transpired in Spanish. I hoped Angela didn't think I was ignoring her there. I was definitely preoccupied. My dream kept playing over and over in my head. It was so real that it was frightening me. I was at my locker trying to remember what class I had next. I hadn't noticed it was lunchtime, but Mike's foreboding presence snapped me back to reality. He slung one of his heavy arms around my shoulder and breathed on me. It felt all wrong, but I was still nervous about my dream, so I allowed the creature comfort for the time being. He walked with me into the cafeteria, through the line, and back to our table. He took his arm off my shoulder as we sat, but immediately replaced it once we were both situated. Angela shot me a knowing look, but I shrugged as best I could under the new weight and went to picking apart my sandwich, lost in thought. I was oblivious to the conversation of the table until Angela addressed me directly.

"Bella, Edward Cullen is staring at you, again." She seemed truly surprised by this.

"What?" I squeaked. I had avoided thinking about him all day, because his eyes were so similar to those in my dream last night, and the thought of him and my dream being related was completely unnerving. I looked over in his direction and caught his eye. I was surprised, however, to find that he wasn't staring at me. He was staring at Mike. And he looked murderous. Mike apparently noticed at the same time that I did. He stiffened and tightened his hold on me. I watched as Edward's face blanched slightly, and his knuckles whitened under the tension he was putting on them. His jaw tensed and he looked away as he whispered something to Emmett. Emmett, too, looked at Mike. He was much more frightening than Edward, and I shuddered slightly.

"Let's go, Bella." Mike ordered. I felt relieved to be getting away from their bloodthirsty glares, but was unnerved by Mike's reaction. He practically dragged me out of the Cafeteria.

"Stay away from Edward Cullen," he barked at me once we were outside the cafeteria doors.

"I-I… what?" I blanched at the anger I saw in his face. I was definitely afraid. Not to mention confused.

_What the heck is going on?_

"I said, stay away from Edward Cullen." Mike glared at me as he spoke, he puffed up his chest again in an attempt to look even more menacing. It worked.

"O-o-okay." I squeaked. I was too afraid to talk, really. What had just transpired between Mike and the Cullen boys was enough to send me over the edge. He seemed to relax at my response, and put his arm around me again.

"Sorry, Bella," His face softened slightly when he said my name, "He's just bad news, that's all. I just don't want you to get hurt." The words seemed true enough from my experiences with the two of them, but the way that Mike said them had me doubting just a bit. Like yesterday, there was an edge in his tone that I didn't trust. I brushed it off today, remembering the kindness that Mike had shown me. Compared to Edward, Mike was a freakin' saint.

"Okay." I said stubbornly. I hoped he would drop the subject now. I was absently rubbing my wrist with which he had dragged me when he piped up again.

"Oh, and there was something I wanted to ask you," Mike turned to face me, releasing his grip on my shoulder and placing both hands on my waist. I was feeling uncomfortable, but not unbearably so.

"Yes?" I raised my eyebrows at him. I hoped he would make his inquiry fast so that he would take his hands off of my waist.

"Would you like to go to the dance with me next weekend? I don't know if you had a date or not already, I just figured I'd take a shot." He tried to make it sound like he was self-conscious, but there was nothing but confidence in his voice. Mike was clearly used to getting what he wanted from girls.

"I… uh, well, Mike, I, er, I'll have to see. I'll have to check with Charlie first." I was thankful that I'd managed to come up with some sort of excuse for him. I didn't want him to be completely crestfallen.

He looked a little disappointed, but said "Okay," before dragging me into the lab for Biology.

I took my seat and waited nervously for Edward to come in. I didn't particularly want to talk to him, but I felt as though I deserved an explanation for his rude behavior during lunch. I didn't look up when I heard him take a seat next to me. I turned to say something to him, but he cut me off.

"Stay away from Mike Newton, Bella." He said quietly. He didn't look at me, instead looked down at his folder.

_Well, there goes my thunder._

"I… what?" I was again caught off guard.

_What is it with the boys at this school?!_

"Just promise me you'll stay away from him." He practically growled at me. He couldn't tell me what to do. Who did he think he was? I wasn't about to promise this pompous ass anything. I clenched my jaw and steeled myself before turning to glare at him.

"That's funny," I scoffed, "Mike just said the same thing about you!"

"That's because Mike knows we're onto him." Edward snarled.

"Onto him about what?" I asked skeptically. "He's the only one who's been nice to me from the very beginning! You talk about him like he's some sort of criminal!"

"Bella…" Edward's face softened, he turned to look at me, "Just trust me on this, ok?"

"What could possibly give me to motivation to trust you, of all people?" I spat.

"Bella you're absurd!" He hissed at me. I couldn't believe him! What bravado!

"I'm absurd?" I whispered "Have you taken a look at yourself recently? It's called a mirror! Try it out for once!"

"Bella, just stay the hell away from him!" His temper was gaining control, but his eyes were strangely pleading. I almost lost my nerve when I looked at him. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and narrowed my eyes at him.

"I will do no such thing." I huffed and crossed my arms across my chest and faced forwards.

"Bella…" Was is just me, or was he begging? What on earth is going on? I was too cross to care.

"No, Edward." I said finally. "In fact, hold on just one second." I turned in my chair to get Mike's attention. He was two rows back. I waved at him, and he smiled. "Mike," I said sweetly, "I've been thinking…" I turned to look at Edward again before I spoke. I looked back at Mike "I would _love_ to go to the dance with you." Mike beamed at me triumphantly, and I shot a smug look at Edward. He had his head in his hands.

So softly I could have imagined that he said it, I heard him swear, "Damnit, Bella."

I ignored him adamantly for the rest of class, and tried to block him from my thoughts all through art. But those last words he'd said stuck with me. "Damnit, Bella." Why the hell was that supposed to mean, anyways? I didn't do anything, so why was he paying me so close attention? I'd already made it perfectly clear that I wanted nothing to do with him, so what was going on? I knew that I was missing out on something, but I wasn't sure what it was.

What bothered me even more than being agitated with Edward was how I wished I wasn't agitated with him. Even though I'd said and meant all of those terrible things that I said to him, I still wanted to be near him. To talk to him. There was something about him that drew me to him, I was magnetic, almost. Like I couldn't stay away. It bothered me that I couldn't think straight when I was near him, and how his scent has completely captivated me. There in itself was another distraction! How on earth was it possible for one person to smell so damn good? That was definitely cheating. And that stupid crooked smile? Why can't he smile normal like everyone else? Did he think he was too good to smile normally? That would be so typical…

_Oh, God! Bella, pull yourself together! It's one guy! Just one! Stop it and focus on your sculpture._

Edward was like a sculpture. Cold and strong and smooth and chiseled…

_Damnit, damnit, damnit!_

I shook my head so furiously I almost fell out of my chair. Thankfully, the bell rang. I could get some fresh air, clear my head, and take a well-deserved nap.

Alice was waiting for me outside of the artroom. She was shaking with excitement. _Well, there goes the nap idea._

"It's time!" she chirped musically! "Edward's going to follow you to your house and he'll take you back to ours once you drop your car off! Oh, Bella! I'm so excited!"

"Wait, you won't be there?" I was puzzled. And I definitely didn't want to spend more alone time with Edward.

"No, Jasper's driving me home. Besides, you and Edward have 'issues' to work out." She smiled knowingly at me. Did she know something I didn't?

"Alic—"

"No, Bella, you'll do as your told!" She grinned wickedly and dashed off. "I'll see you at home!" Her silvery laughter filled the hall as she headed out the door, leaving me standing there completely dumbfounded.

"Shall we?" A musical voice said from behind me. I stiffened but didn't respond. I was going to maintain my dignity for as long as possible. Edward took the lead and headed towards the door. He held it open for me.

"Thanks." I muttered. He merely laughed in response.

He led me to my car and opened the driver's side door for me, then gestured for me to get in. I stood in the lot in a stupor, completely confused by this change in character. I got in the car and slammed the door, still completely perplexed. I turned the key and the engine whined as I backed slowly out of the space. I didn't notice the silver Volvo behind me until after I'd turned on to the main road. I drove slowly home, giving myself time to prepare myself mentally for the energy I was going to have to scrounge up in order to make it through our shopping trip alive. Not to mention spending alone time with Edward working out our 'issues,' as Alice had said.

_Whatever that means._

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**A/N: The next chapter is half-way done! **

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xo auteurinconnu


	10. The Shopaholic

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 10 – _The_ _Shopaholic_

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Song: Frank Sinatra, "I've got you under my skin"

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I kept my eyes on the silver Volvo behind me as I pulled into my driveway, causing me to knock over our trashcans when I accidentally cut the curb. I could see Edward shaking with laughter in the rear-view mirror, which only irritated me. I'm sure that had he been the one to knock over the garbage, I would have been laughing at him, but being the butt of his own private jokes just wasn't entertaining to me. I scowled at him as I slammed my door and rushed inside to put away my school things and grab the only purse I owned. I took my wallet out of my bag and shoved it unceremoniously into my purse. I scrawled Charlie a note on the back of a pizza menu telling him where I was for the evening with the hopes that he would order pizza instead of attempting to cook for himself.

There was a light knock on the door.

"I'm coming!" I shouted.

I walked to the door where Edward was waiting and locked it on my way out. When I thought he wasn't watching, I placed the key under the eve in the off chance that Charlie would have left his at home this morning.

I followed Edward to his car and he walked to the passenger side. This puzzled me. It was his car, wasn't it?

"Am I driving?" I asked skeptically.

Edward chuckled lightly. "No, I was opening the door for you." He pulled on the handle and gestured towards the empty seat.

"Oh." I mumbled awkwardly. I shuffled past him, accidentally grazing his hand with mine and a spark flew up my arm. I recoiled at the sensation and squeaked. Edward's eyes flew up to mine as he took a subconscious step backwards. I was paralyzed by his gaze, and I could feel the electricity flowing through me. Edward looked nervous. I studied his features closely, unable to look away from his god-like face. He was, without a question, the most attractive person I had ever met in my entire life. It almost took my breath away. Alice was right, he really was gorgeous.

"Ah-hem" Edward coughed slightly, clearing his throat and bringing me back from my thoughts. He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck and laughed. His smile didn't reach his eyes, they looked rather unnerved and exposed. "It's not polite to stare." He smiled a crooked grin and waited for me to sit down. I blushed furiously but stepped into the car. He closed the door after I was safely tucked inside and walked gracefully over to the driver's side.

"Buckle up" he commanded as he turned on the car and backed out. I scrambled to put my seatbelt on and looked out the window. The trees were flying by at an alarming rate. I glanced over at the speedometer.

"Holy crap!" I shrieked, "Slow down you maniac!" We were going over a hundred miles an hour, and I was the daughter of a law-abiding and law-enforcing citizen. The two just did not mix. I gripped my seat nervously.

"I like to drive fast, Bella." Edward scolded me. "You have your seatbelt on."

"I'd like to live to see eighteen, thank you very much." I hissed. Edward smiled crookedly at me, but slowed his speed to a tolerable eighty.

_I'm dead meat if Charlie pulls us over._

I gulped audibly at the thought.

Edward laughed. "Am I making you nervous, Bella Swan?"

"You aren't. Your driving is!" I stared at him. He continued to look at me. "What is wrong with you?! Look at the freakin' road!" he laughed again, but didn't respond.

We drove for the next five minutes in complete silence. I was lost in thought. Edward Cullen was two different people. I couldn't make sense of him. At times, he was the world's biggest jerk. He was pushy and bossy and arrogant and knew how to push every single one of my buttons until I couldn't even stay conscious! I felt like he drew enjoyment from angering me. What kind of freak took pleasure in pissing other people off? That's absolutely ridiculous! But then, damnit, there was the way that he looked at me. Whenever I caught him staring, he was never malicious or hurtful as he was when he made the idiotic decision to speak. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Sometimes I thought I was imagining it, but I would swear on my life that he was watching me with fascination and admiration. He would gaze at me the same way I looked at one of Renoir's paintings, admiring the beauty and originality of the piece with respect and adoration. What was that about? And what about this sudden surge of kindness? Opening doors for me and being polite? This was totally out of character!

"Bella, what _are _you thinking about?" Edward asked musically. I jumped at the interruption.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

"You were mumbling incoherently. You had to be thinking about something." He was looking at me curiously. I could tell that he was amused.

"It was nothing." I dismissed his question; as if I wanted to admit to Edward that I had just spent the last few minutes of my life completely focused on him. That would only cause his already large ego to inflate even further!

"Bella, you're a terrible liar."

_Great, arrogant and annoyingly perceptive. _

I turned away from him and slunk down in my seat. He let me gaze out the window for another minute or so before inquiring again.

"Bella," I turned to glare at him, but his face was only inches from mine. I was paralyzed yet again. He exhaled and I drank in his intoxicating scent. It was earthy and masculine and surprisingly sweet. I savored it on my tongue, then ran it over my lips. I hadn't meant for the movement to be suggestive.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" He looked genuinely surprised, and elated? He laughed throatily and leaned even closer to me, our lips only inches apart. I took another deep breath and tired to lean forward on the console—I was drawn to him like a moth to a bright light, before I even knew it I wanted to kiss him.

_What on earth is going on with me?_

Thankfully, my lack of grace chose that moment to make itself known, and hand that was resting on the console faltered, causing my head to drop instantaneously. Edward laughed at my misfortune, triggering my fury.

"Edward Cullen you're an ass!" I struggled against my seatbelt. He got out of the car and laughed as he crossed in front of the hood to the passenger side. That's funny, I hadn't noticed we'd stopped. I was still struggling against the seatbelt when he opened the door. He reached in and across my body to unfasten the seatbelt, and paused when he was towering over me. He turned towards me, smiled, and breathed throatily:

"Would you like to try that again, Bella?"

This time, I was smarter. I didn't breathe when he came near me, instead, I narrowed my eyes at him and hissed. He removed himself from the car and politely held the door open for me, indicating with his hands that I was to exit the car. I did my best to make a scene all the while shrieking:

"It's official, you're bi-polar!" I said as I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation.

"Is that what you were thinking about?" Edward mused. What a prick! He would pick this time to crack a joke.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about!"

"What's exactly what you're talking about?" He was shaking with laughter.

"This! You! The door then the joke and the being sexy and the making me furious!"

"You think I'm sexy?" He was still chuckling, but he looked adamantly curious.

"You are, without question, the most infuriating person I've ever encountered in my entire life!" I was screaming again.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I—you—GYEAAHHWWD" I spun around and stomped my foot and stormed towards the house. I hadn't noticed it before, but it's enormity caused me to stop in my tracks. I was large, white, and by far the most gorgeous home I'd ever laid eyes on. It was spacious and architecturally magnificent. My mouth gaped open at the sight.

"It's not polite to stare, Bella." Edward smirked at me as he passed me from behind to open the door. He walked up the front steps and held it open, waiting for me to pass. I put my hands on my hips and refused to take a step forward. Being falsely polite was equally as rude as staring in my mind. We stared at each other, and I felt the electricity pulse through me. Edward opened his mouth to speak when a small, short-haired pixie appeared out of thin air and squealed with excitement.

"BELLA!" Alice bounded past Edward and wrapped me into a forceful hug. I smiled, and stiffened, still not able to bring myself to reciprocate the action. It was still a bit painful for me. But I couldn't help but smile, Alice was a happy person and her happiness rubbed off on me whenever she was near.

"Bella I'm so glad you're here! We were just getting ready to leave. I couldn't decide whether to take the Porsche or the Mercedes, but Rosalie convinced me to take the Mercedes because there would be more room for everyone. I almost forgot you were coming with us but when I remembered I got all excited all over again!" She clapped her hands together excitedly and rushed into the house. "Come on, silly Bella! Meet my family!"

I followed her into the house and was instantly greeted by the rest of her family. A slender caramel-haired woman stood right inside the door at the base of the stairs. She smiled at me knowingly and wrapped me into another hug. This particular embrace was warm and comforting, like the ones I used to get from my mom. I misted up a bit but managed to recover by the time she released me.

"Bella, it's so good to finally meet you. Alice has told us all about you, and so has Edward." She smiled at her son as she spoke, communicating to him without words, I wondered idly what she was saying, "I'm Esme; Alice, Edward, and Emmett's mother." I smiled back at her politely, as she gazed lovingly at her kids.

"She makes the best cookies!" Emmett shouted from another room. Esme laughed along with him.

"Of course, you've already met Carlisle," Esme gestured to her husband who was coming towards me from the kitchen wringing his hands in a towel to dry them. Dr. Cullen stepped forward and shook my hand.

"It's nice to see you again, Bella."

All of the Cullens exchanged wary glances. They obviously were not informed on my prolonged hospital stay. I instantly flushed and ducked my head to look at my toes. Someone cleared their throat loudly and spoke:

"So, uh, Alice, you're taking the Mercedes?" Edward's musical voice filled the air. He shot me a merciful glance and I did my best to thank him profusely with my eyes.

_Why did he jump in and save me like that?_

"Oh yes! That reminds me, we had better get going! I want to make it to Seattle within the hour! There's so much shopping to be done!" It seemed as though Alice had forgotten completely about what had just transpired and words were flying out of her mouth at a mile a minute about all of the clothing she wanted to purchase. I groaned mentally and followed her out to the car, which was sitting in the driveway. Alice and I got buckled in and were flying down the road before I even had a chance to think. It was clear that Alice liked to drive just as fast, if not faster, than her twin brother. I gulped nervously and decided to pre-occupy myself with the radio. I was fidgeting with it when Alice's words slowed down to a human pace and I could comprehend.

"So, Bella, are you excited to go shopping with me?" Her eyes were shining and she looked beyond curious. I figured she was still trying to size me up. That, or she was messing with me for her own amusement.

"Honestly?"

"You couldn't get away with lying to me anyways," She laughed.

_Yup, she was messing with me._

"Not really. I've never been one for shopping." I said. I winced to prepare myself for her reply.

"Pish-posh!" She raised one of her hands up and slapped the air, as if to physically brush off my lack of interest in her favorite 'sport'. "That's a nasty little habit we're going to have to break you of." She grinned wickedly at me and then winked. I giggled.

"Ha. Ha. Alice. You like shopping, I like art. We each have our own interests!" I was beginning to enjoy our mock fight. Goofing off with Alice was similar to being around my mother, it made me feel somewhat whole.

"Bella, shopping and art are practically the same thing!" Alice retorted. She threw her hands up in the air in mock-exasperation at my 'obvious' blunder.

"Hardly!"

"Bella, you're ridiculous."

"And you're addicted!"

"To what?!"

"Shopping!"

"Guilty as charged." Alice shrugged and smiled at me. I turned up the music and we sang along to a pop song that had recently hit number one on the charts. I struggled to stay in tune but Alice composed complicated harmonies with the music. Who knew she had that in her? I was laughing the whole time. She had a pretty big voice for such a small person. When the song finished, Alice turned the radio down and turned to me.

"So, Bella, what kind of dress are you looking for?"

"More talk about clothes?" I groaned. " I thought I got enough of that at school. And at your house, and for the first ten mintues in the car…"

"Yeah, yeah." She dismissed, "Unless you've got something else you'd like to talk about?" She hinted at me and raised her eyebrows.

"Please, anything." I pretended to beg by clasping my hands together and waving them in front of me. She laughed at me then started to talk. Obviously she had something she wanted to talk about.

"Okay, how about Edward?"

"Next subject."

"Bella, you're no fun at all."

"Next!"

"Okay, okay! What about your family? What are they like?" My stomach clenched uneasily and I wrenched my eyes shut.

"Definitely next." I asserted. I tried to keep the tenor of my emotions out of my voice, but I didn't think I was all that successful. If Alice had notices, she didn't make it known. I sucked in a deep breath. "Alice, I think I'd like to talk about clothes again." She seemed genuinely surprised about my response to her question about my family, but she didn't make a big deal about it. She just shrugged and began talking rapid-fire about a pair of lace leggings that she had seen online and desperately wanted to purchase before the winter weather hit. I smiled and laughed along with Alice as she drove, feeling more like myself than I had in a long time. Pain always tugged at my chest, and I allowed myself to feel it, it helped me cope. But when I was with Alice, it felt less pronounced.

We arrived in Seattle much faster than I had anticipated, and I was thankful that I has consciously avoided looking at the speedometer. I'd almost had a heart attack when I was just driving home with Edward, and Alice was on a mission to find clothes. I knew that speed limits would mean nothing to her if it stood between her and the next season's hottest purse.

Alice dragged me through every high-end retailer in Seattle. I didn't think it was possible for one person to move so quickly, but Alice dashed in and out of store windows and dressing rooms like she was _The Flash_. I had to admit it, I was impressed. She kept holding items up to my torso, squinting at me, then either tossing them or throwing them over her shoulder. I attempted to rifle through some of the evening wear but Alice always interrupted me. She kept yanking me away from the silk and chiffon gowns to try on high-priced jeans and knit tops. After we had just left our fiftieth store, I decided to put my foot down. My feet had to have been swollen and my arms were sore from carrying all of Alice's bags.

"Alice," I whimpered pathetically, "Can we PLEASE go home now? I'm losing the sensation in my toes!"

"No pain, no gain!" Alice giggled over her shoulder as she strolled into another store. She immediately picked out a pair of black straight-legged slacks and held them up to me. "Perfect" she muttered. Something clicked in my brain.

"Alice…" I began dubiously, "Nothing you've picked out even comes close to formal wear."

"I know" she chimed. She was searching through a rack and pulled out a navy silk blouse that buttoned down. She again held it up to me and wrinkled her nose before pulling out a light sweater and a pair of dark-wash jeans from yet another rack. She again held the garments up to me.

"Well, if we aren't looking for dresses like you said we were, then what are we shopping for?" I was definitely suspicious. I started to pay closer attention to the items she plucked from the racks of clothing. All of them looked a little large for her small frame. Occasionally she would pull out something that looked like her size and would add it to the pile in my arms.

"Your wardrobe needs to be updated," She mused as she critically analyzed the material in a scarf, "Badly." She pulled the scarf off the rack and pulled out a coat that matched it.

"And you need a lobotomy." I quipped.

"Silly Bella!" I froze. I had missed something major in my haste to brush off Alice's insult about my wardrobe.

"You've been buying all of this for me?!" I screeched. I dropped the pile of clothing in my arms and put my hands on my hips. "Enough, Alice. I'm taking it all back!" But she paid me no attention. Instead, she was going through the mess of clothing at my feet retrieving the dark jeans and sweater and handing them back to me.

"No, you're not! It's my money, I can spend it how I want!" She smiled at me and began placing the unwanted items back on their racks. "You know, you should be nicer to clothes. That way they'll be nice to you!" She laughed at her joke but I scowled.

"Alice…"

"Bella, I want to buy them for you!"

"But I don't want them! I can't have you spending money on me like that." I figured I had her at that, but Alice only paused, mulling over the situation with her hands on her hips and her eyes on the shoe rack behind me.

"Ok, well think of it this way," she said as she picked up a pair of leather high-heeled boots, "I'm buying all of these clothes for me, but deciding I don't like them the instant I get to the car, so I'm giving them to you!" I opened my mouth to protest but she interrupted me. "Besides, Shopping to me is like art for you, it makes me feel good. So, you shouldn't stand in the way of making me feel good about myself."

I shook my head in amazement. Only Alice would find a loophole to allow her to purchase and obscene amount of clothing for another person. My stomach growled loudly and my feet started screaming at me. Alice seemed to be in tune with my physical ailments.

"This is the last store, Bella, then we'll be going. Happy?" She snickered lightly then punched my arm and I nearly dropped half of the bags I was holding—which caused Alice to laugh even harder. She drew out her credit card and paid for the jeans and sweater and a few other things for herself. She took half of the bags from me and grabbed my arm as we walked to the parking garage. I was looking in random store windows at different articles of clothing when Alice screamed. I heard her bags hit the ground and whipped my head around to see her with her face placed against the glass of a shoe store window. She was breathing heavily and her eyes were wide with excitement.

"You. Must. Have. Those. Shoes." And she pointed at the most ridiculous pair of heels I'd ever seen in my entire life. They were navy stilettos and had two thin straps of material to keep your feet planted on the outrageously arched sole. There was a buckle that would adjust around the ankle, and on the front of the shoe was what looked like shoe jewelry. There were gold bands marked with crystals the entwined with one another and ended in dangling charms that looked like diamonds. I had to admit, even though I wouldn't be able to walk in them, they were a pretty pair of shoes.

(see profile for picture of shoes)

Before I knew what was happening, Alice dragged me into the store and demanded a pair in my size. The salesmen looked slightly frightened at Alice's intensity, but when Alice pulled out her credit card and flashed him a grin, he hurried to the back of the store to get them.

"You know my shoe size?" I asked skeptically.

"They match your dress perfectly! I can't believe I found a pair! I thought I would have to look overseas!" Alice ignored my question completely.

"You already bought me a dress?" I was beyond shocked. When did she find time to breathe?

"Of course I did. I bought it the day you ran into me in the hallway. I told you I knew we were going to be best friends!" I simply gaped at her. The clerk emerged from the back of the store with a box in his hands.

"They were the last of the style, and were in your size." He said as he grabbed Alice's credit card.

"It's shoe fate!" Alice squealed. The writing on the side of the box was Italian, and I didn't want to know how much they cost, I knew it would be astronomical.

"That'll be 875.00, Miss," The clerk said formally. He was grinning widely, it was clear he was paid on commission.

"I'll take them!" Alice nearly screamed at the clerk. Her grin was even larger than his.

"Holy crap! No way, Alice, No way! That's ridiculous." I was waiving my hands in the air to get her attention, but she ignored me.

"I'm buying them, Bella, and you're going to wear them. Most girls would consider themselves lucky to have a friend like me!" Alice cracked a joke, but I could tell she was serious on her threat to make me wear the gorgeous death-trap sandals. The clerk put the shoebox in a bag and handed it to Alice along with her credit card. I sighed in defeat. "That's more like it!" Alice's silvery laughter filled the store. And she grabbed my arm again.

"Is it time to go now, Alice?" I groaned and stifled a yawn. Some of the stores were turning out their lights and a couple of them already had their security gates down. It looked like the mall was closing.

"Yes, silly Bella, we're going home now. " She was still bouncing in excitement from her latest purchase as we loaded our belongings in the back of the Mercedes. I was quiet as we pulled out of the lot, lost in my own world of thought.

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**A/N: This chapter was a lot of fluff again, but I couldn't resist giving everyone a detailed shopping experience with Alice! The next chapter has been outlined and I'll start writing it either tonight or tomorrow. Either way, another update is coming soon!**

**As always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

xo auteurinconnu


	11. Coming Clean

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 11 – _Coming Clean_

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Song: _Across the Universe_ Movie Soundtrack: "Let it be"

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Alice allowed me to sit in silence while we drove to the city limits of Seattle. I watched without curiosity as the streetlights began to fade into the darkness of the Pacific Northwest forest. We had been driving for a little over a half hour when Alice started to talk again. She was talking at an alarmingly fast rate and I could only assume that it had taken a great deal of her self-control to be silent for the past thirty minutes and was in a rush to say everything that was in her head. I remained distant to her as she spoke, trying to organize my cluttered and confusing thoughts.

I really liked being with Alice, and I felt like I was keeping her out. I wanted desperately tell her about my past, but it always felt so painful to even think about it. How could I possibly be able to talk about it? I knew that I could trust Alice, she'd been inviting and open with me. I knew that I owed her the truth, but I was battling myself in my head. I didn't want to become her charity case, not that I wasn't already as a result of my poor wardrobe, but I didn't want her sympathy.

_I don't deserve it._ I thought bitterly to myself.

I wanted her trust, but I had to give it to get it, and I wasn't sure if the trade-off would be worth it. Letting someone in like that was painful… did I have the courage to do it? I sighed heavily and looked at the dashboard. Alice had been speaking, but when she heard me sigh she stopped abruptly and turned to face me.

"So, are we going to talk about what's bugging you or are you going to brood all night?" she huffed, "I mean, I don't know much about how sleepovers are supposed to work, but I'm pretty sure that if someone's being a 'Debbie-Downer' it's not nearly as much fun." She giggled lightly but I could tell that she was being honest. She wanted to talk, but left the invitation clearly open to me.

I laughed along with her in an attempt to keep my buzzing nerves at bay. "I don't have much sleepover experience either, but I'd have to say you're right." I sighed again to delay, but Alice was having none of that. She's seen that I had accepted her offer to talk and jumped right in.

"So, go on! Spit it out!" _Talk about an exercise in patience_.

I looked away from her focusing on twisting my fingers into odd angles as a distraction. "It's not something I can just spit out, Alice." I tried to sound authoritative but my voice was weak.

"Everything can just be spat out, Bella" she retorted jokingly.

"No, it can't." I wanted to tell her. Why was this so difficult?

"Yes it can!" Alice was joking with me again. She had sensed my unease and was trying to make light of the situation. I appreciated the effort immensely.

"You're impossible." I mocked disappointment and dropped my head to my hands.

"You're stubborn!" She jibed.

"You're spastic!" Alice gasped dramatically and pushed out her lower lip in a pout. She hunched forward in her seat in an attempt to look depressed but failed miserably. Instead, she looked somewhat debilitated. I laughed out loud at her posture and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Oh yeah? Well," She touched her hand to her face while she thought, "You're… well you're a butthead, Bella!"

"Did you just call me a butthead?" I had thought Alice was more clever than that. She stuck her tongue out at me and wrinkled her nose. I took one look at her and burst into a fit of hysterical laughter. Tears were pouring down my face and I had to clutch at my sides to keep my lungs from bursting out of my ribcage. Alice joined me and we had to pull over the car we were laughing so hard. After a few minutes of giggling, Alice pulled back onto the road and I wiped at my face to get rid of the tears. I sucked in a deep breath and sighed happily.

"Thanks, Alice." I took another gulp of air, "I haven't laughed that hard since before the accident."

_Whoops._

"Accident?" Alice's head moved so fast I wasn't sure it had moved. She was facing me instantly, her expression curious and sad.

_Uh-oh._ I tried to think of an excuse for the slip, but nothing came to mind. I then tried to think of a good reason not to tell Alice about my mother, but again, I couldn't think of anything. _I guess now's a good time as ever._ I took another deep breath and looked down at my lap as I spoke.

"My m-mom," My voice was hardly a whisper, I wasn't even sure I was talking, "My mom was killed in a car accident a few months back." I finished quickly.

Alice was quiet for a moment. "Is that why you keep fainting?"

"It's part of it," No need to mention my involvement. For now, this felt like enough to share.

"Because honestly, Bella, you keep dropping like flies!" She laughed "I'm glad there's a reasonable explanation. Emmett kept telling us that you had a connection to another universe and kept losing consciousness to give orders to your armies in another world."

I simply stared at her, stunned. Then burst into another fit of giggles. Alice chuckled lightly but was quiet again. She allowed me to stare out the window for a few minutes, this time she was the one lost in thought.

"I'm glad you told me," she said after a couple more minutes had passed.

"I'm glad, too." I smiled at her. It surprised me how relieved I felt after telling her. She grabbed my hand and kissed it. It was such a typical Alice thing to do, and it wasn't anything big, but it felt monumental. A wave of peace flowed through me. The pain was tearing at my chest still, but it felt like someone had given me some medication to cause it to dull. A tear slid down my face as I realized what had just happened. Alice had accepted me, the real me, the broken me. I wiped it away and smiled.

For some reason, my thoughts then immediately went to Edward. I bit down on my lip in confusion.

"So do you want to tell me what else is going on?" Alice snatched up my attention again.

"How do you _do_ that?" I asked.

"Do what?" She smiled an innocent grin. Too innocent. I looked at her pointedly. "Oh, that" She shrugged casually and looked at the road.

"You're much too perceptive for your own good, Alice." I laughed.

"I knew it was about Edward!" She exclaimed. _How on earth could she have figured that one out?!_

"I didn't say that!" I was backpedaling, trying to cover my tracks, but she had already caught me.

"You didn't have to!" Alice looked at me knowingly and smiled. I bit down on my lip and let out a huge gust of air.

"I just can't figure him out, that's all." My head was swimming with all of the confusing details of what had happened after school and on the ride over to Alice's house.

"Welcome to my life." Alice was amused by my misgivings.

"I'm serious, Alice!" My voice raised a few octaves and I didn't know why. I cleared my throat as she chuckled and continued, "He's hot and then he's cold, he's this then that, he's here but then he's there. He's all over the freakin' place and I don't know what to make of it!" I was completely emotionally taxed. How could one person be so exhausting?

Alice was quiet for a minute. "Neither does he." She stated simply.

"What?"

"He doesn't know what to make of it, either." Alice wasn't looking at me, it was like she was thinking out loud.

"What?" I asked again. I was skeptical. Clearly the all-knowing macho jerk Edward couldn't be confused. Could he?

"I've never seen him like this before. At least, not that I can remember." She was still talking to herself as she responded to my inquiries.

"What does that mean?" I was definitely lost.

"He keeps trying to figure you out." She was defending him against my frustration.

"He could try asking, you know." I folded my arms across my chest.

"I think he did," Alice smiled wickedly and looked at me with amusement, "You fainted." She laughed at the memory.

"Oh." _Great, well now I feel like an ass._

"He likes you, you know," She was addressing me, but I still felt like she was thinking out loud. I felt as though she was editing, like she knew something that I didn't. I got the notion that Alice was somewhat clairvoyant.

"He's got a funny way of showing it." I muttered darkly. Now I was really confused. I watched Alice's face as I spoke, gauging her reaction. It looked as though she had figured something out. A lightbulb must have gone off in that pretty little head of hers. She gasped slightly and smiled at me before regaining her stoic composure.

"So do you." She grinned from ear to ear.

"I don't like Edward!" I shot up in my seat and got stuck in the seatbelt in my moment of frustration.

"Bella, I've told you a thousand times, you're a terrible liar." What she was saying didn't make sense. I couldn't like Edward. He was all of the things I'd never liked in the opposite sex. Ok, if I was being honest with myself, I'd never been interested in boys. I was always too concerned about Renee. I did have some sort of an attraction to him…

_I like Edward?_

I dismissed the notion on principal alone and scoffed lightly. "You've only told me that, like, twice." I tried to divert the subject to something else. Matters of the heart were definitely not my forte, and I was not about to admit to my confusing attraction to my best friend's brother to my best friend.

"Quit changing the subject." _Damnit._

I was quiet for a minute, mulling over the idea in my head. Me and Edward? Edward and I? It was all wrong, but something about it felt so right. Where was all of this coming from? He was a womanizer, he treated other girls like dirt. I didn't want that life for myself. I deserved better. I didn't even want a relationship! Did I? I couldn't afford the complications it would bring. And what of love? HA! Love. How ridiculous an idea. Or was it? Why was I so confused all of a sudden?

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. I hate hormones._

"I don't trust him, Alice." I said finally. I couldn't think of a more adequate response. I didn't want to lie to her, and I knew at least that much was true.

"I know."

"I want to." The small realization surprised me. I must have said that subconsciously. Crap.

"I know." Alice understood. That must have been one of her other mysterious talents.

We were both quiet again. I recognized the buildings we were passing. We must already be back in Forks. We made excellent time! I shuddered to think about the speed at which we were travelling.

"So… what do I do now?" I broke the silence. I truly didn't know where to go from here, asking his twin felt a little like cheating, but I was desperate, though I didn't understand why.

"You want _my_ advice?" She feigned surprise.

"As if you didn't know I was going to ask," I jeered. She smiled at me.

"Just be his friend."

"Alice, I have a hard time just being in the same room as him." I thought back to our arguments and the strange attraction and tension I felt when I was around him. Not to mention the volts of electricity that pumped through me whenever I looked into his eyes. It was like he was searching my soul with them!

Alice laughed at my comment, "You do have the tendency to react strongly… usually you yell, but sometimes you faint!" I laughed with her, but felt a little uneasy at the thought of Edward and I being… friends.

"I don't know if I can be his friend." I said quietly. I hesitated before looking up at Alice to see her response. It surprised me to see her getting out of the car. I hadn't even noticed we were already home. Alice was already in the trunk getting all of our purchases when I climbed out. I trudged back to help her carry the items. She handed me a few bags and called over her shoulder as she headed up the front stairs.

"That's what I'm counting on!" She giggled and opened the door.

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**A/N: I know this chapter was a little short, but it's REALLY REALLY important to the story! (So I hope you were paying attention!) : I'm writing the next chapter right now so hopefully it will be up soon!  
**

**As always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

xo auteurinconnu

**p.s. I'll be posting pictures of everyone's dance attire, so fear not! (I just have to get the chapter written first.) I got to do a little online shopping and I think I picked out the perfect dresses for each character! They will be posted once Bella goes to the dance! **


	12. Close Encounter

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 12 – _Close Encounter_

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Song: Buckcherry, "I'm sorry"

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Alice was already through the door and was headed upstairs when I reached the front porch. She moved almost as quickly as she spoke. I huffed lightly before tromping into the house and dropping my bags. I was trying to be as quiet as possible, considering the fact it was almost eleven at night, when a sudden movement behind me caused me to squeak loudly and fall over out of surprise. I heard his musical laughter before I saw him.

_Damnit, Bella. Get a grip! You can't fall over everytime something goes 'bump' in the night. _

Edward walked lightly through the front door and bent to help me up—all the while grinning. When he had successfully placed me on my feet I tried to take a step backwards. The close proximity to him, and his magical cologne, not to mention his devastatingly beautiful eyes, had my knees a little wobbly and my thoughts clouded. When I stepped backwards I tripped over one of the bags I had carelessly placed on the floor around me and Edward wrapped his arms around my waist to steady me. When he was sure I wasn't going to fall he loosened his grip, but didn't let go. I looked up into his eyes in surprise, but didn't attempt to free myself. Our eyes met, sending another wave of sparks through my body and I felt heat where he was touching me.

The intensity of our embrace, however casual it may have looked, scared and confused me—but it was incredibly thrilling. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to kiss him with all of the emotion that was coursing through me. He must have had the same idea, because he was leaning towards me slowly, watching my reaction. I put my hands on his chest and leaned in a bit as well. I closed my eyes and inhaled lightly. His scent was beyond incredible. I could feel his breath on my face. He was close—very close—then he stiffened, released his hold on me and took a step back.

_What the hell?_

"Bella! Where did you go?!" Alice was calling me from upstairs. Apparently no one else in the house was sleeping—not anymore, anyways.

"I'm down here, I'll be up in a minute!" I called back. I narrowed my eyes at Edward. It dawned on me that he must have known Alice was coming, but I was still infuriated. What on earth could I possibly have been thinking? Edward? And… me?

"I must be insane." I muttered under my breath. I couldn't understand why I felt so attracted to him—why he held such a power over me.

"You and me both," He wasn't looking at me when he spoke, he was pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut.

"And just what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Rejection washed over me like an ocean wave. I wasn't sure how exactly I felt about Edward, but he made his feelings abundantly clear. He thought he was insane for wanting me, for trying to kiss me. Tears started to well in my eyes. I fought with everything I had in me to keep them at bay.

"I should ask you the same question!" He was equally as frustrated as I was, but for different reasons. He was obviously angry that he had allowed himself to get that close to kissing me. Another wave of rejection fell on me. I couldn't stop the tears this time.

"You sh-shouldn't lead me on like that, Edward."

"_I'm_ leading _you_ on?!" He was definitely taken aback. "Are you insane?"

"I believe I've already made my position on the state of my sanity well known." I'm allowed to insinuate my lack of mental stability, but I'll be damned if I allowed him to do the same. I placed my hands on my hips and glared at him.

"Yeah, and it's the smartest thing you've said all day." He hissed.

"Compared to the thoughts that run through your head on a daily basis, I'm sure it's the most intelligent thing you've heard all week!"

"My thoughts are much more… picturesque… than what you're implying, Bella." He growled, but a playful grin made its way across his angelic features.

"Yeah well do me a favor and keep me out of them!"

He let his eyes scan my body. I felt incredibly naked and insecure even though I was fully clothed. His gaze went everywhere but my eyes, avoiding them on purpose. I wrapped my hands around myself in an attempt to cover my body.

"Too late." He sighed. He dropped his face to his hands, making it impossible for me to read his perfect features, but I would swear that I heard desperation in his tone; like he was trying to get me to understand something without saying it out loud.

"You're a pig, did you know that?" I asked him. My voice was much quieter now, and I looked at the floor. I was trying to continue the argument because the quiet tension that was now interceding was making it nearly impossible for me to keep my guard up. Something about Edward drew me towards him—but I wasn't, and didn't want to be ready for that. I'd already lost so much…

In a second he was across the room and standing in front of me. His eyes were searching mine, looking for an answer I wasn't willing to give. His face was so tender looking into mine. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I wanted to stay mad at him. Being mad at him was easy—anger I could handle.

"Bella…" he breathed. His sweet scent was unbearably intoxicating as I felt my knees go weak. He looked torn. There was desperation in his eyes that I didn't understand. And from the looks of it, neither did he. This was all so confusing to me. Why was it so impossible to think when he was around?

"I, uh… hi?" I couldn't think of anything more clever to say given the close proximity of his face to mine. I tried in vain to claw at the remnants of our arguments. I didn't want to let him in—I wouldn't, I couldn't let my guard down. He exhaled again, breathing out all leftovers of my resolve with it.

_Uh-oh._

I averted my eyes elsewhere, knowing that if I looked directly into his that I wouldn't be able to process a single cognitive thought. When I was with Edward, maintaining normal brain function seemed incredibly important. He laughed at my obvious attempt to avoid him.

"Look at me, Bella." I took a deep breath trying to clear my head but all that I inhaled was his cologne.

_Where did he get this stuff, anyways?_

I stalled for another few seconds but I couldn't ignore him even if I wanted to. I steeled myself, trying to think back to the last insult that he had thrown at me… It was something about my sanity… I clung to that desperately when I looked at him. He was still laughing at me. I narrowed my eyes at him in response to his laughter.

I did my best to stare him down while his laughter began to fade when I noticed a small splash of color on the collar of his incredibly sexy white-button down shirt. What color was that? Pink? No, it was definitely a darker red. Wait a second… was it… shimmering? Why on earth would Edward have something like that on his shirt?

_Oh. _

My walls went right back up.

_Thank God._

"Bella…" I snapped my eyes back up to his. I would have been lost in those stupidly green eyes if I wasn't so mad. I didn't respond. "I want you. I want you the same way that you want me." He breathed. There was honesty in his voice, and I looked at him to see if I could find a lie, but I couldn't. My knees went weak again—my resolve was crumbling yet again. I stole a glance at his shirt collar. Resolve returned.

"Where were you before this?" I said icily. I took a step backwards.

"What?" He was definitely caught off guard by that. He stepped forward to be close to me, but I kept my distance. His exotic aroma wouldn't cloud my thoughts now.

"I said," I was growling through my teeth, "Where were you before now?"

"I was out with the guys." He responded too swiftly. I knew he was lying to me. After what he had just said, not to mention the manner in which he had just said it, he had the nerve to stand there and lie to me like I was some sort of idiot?! Edward Cullen was trying to make me one of his pimped-out barbies.

He was unbelievable! Enraged, I spun around. This was a bad idea for someone like me on principal alone; but on a rug on hardwood? It was disastrous. As I spun, the carpet spun with me, wrapping around my ankles and causing me to fall, again. I hit the ground with a loud "ouf." Edward looked down at me, shocked, then burst out laughing—apparently too amused to even remember our brief argument. Edward was doubled over in hysterics, tears pouring from his eyes. I could tell he was trying to gain control over his laughter, but he was failing—miserably. If I hadn't been so irritated with Edward, I probably would have laughed with him. But, I was seeing red. Laughter was definitely not on the agenda.

I wanted to shut him up, and quickly. I was sick of letting him get to me like this. Normally I didn't care much about what other people thought of me, but it was different with Edward. Why, damnit, why? I'm sure my confusion registered on my face, but I couldn't do anything about that now, I was too furious. I struggled to bring myself back to my feet and scrambled to think of a way to get him to stop laughing. I scanned the room for embarrassing photos, looked outside for something to mock, and I came up empty-handed. I decided it would be safer to just stand and glare at him until he calmed down. That way, I gave myself plenty of time to come up with something witty to say when he finally shut up.

Before he had stopped laughing I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "You have lipstick on your shirt." His laughter stopped instantaneously. His amusement was replaced with dread.

"Bella, I—" He started.

"Edward, I don't want to hear it." I cut him off. I was grabbing the bags I had set down hastily so that I could go upstairs with Alice.

"Bella… please, let me explain." He looked strained, maybe even a little panicked.

"Save it." I called out as I tromped noisily up the stairs. I had no idea where Alice's room was but that didn't stop me from making my dramatic exit. I wandered down the long hallway past doors I didn't recognize. I tried to stop myself from crying, but the tears spilled over anyways. My arms were heavy with bags so I couldn't even wipe my face of them. Instead, I was forced by circumstance to wobbly uneasily down the hall thinking about how angry I was. I was angy at Edward, that much was true, but I was more upset with whomever had marked him with her lipstick. I didn't understand my unnecessary agitation towards someone I didn't even know, I couldn't be jealous… could I? I knew I was jealous. I couldn't lie to myself. I just didn't understand why.

I was just passing a dark-stained door when it flew open. Alice was standing in the doorway beaming at me.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked callously.

Alice looked at my face, and her face faltered slightly, but she maintained her devilish grin. "Oh, silly Bella. You and your temper."

I was instantly embarrassed. "You heard the whole thing?" I could feel my face darken as it heated up.

"Bella, I think everyone and their mother heard the whole thing. You weren't exactly quiet." Alice giggled and grabbed my bags out of my hands. I smacked my head to my forehead and groaned.

"Oh, well that's just fantastic!" I exclaimed sarcastically.

"Bella, if only you really knew." Alice's gaze was elsewhere as she packed my new clothes into my over-night bag and pulled out a pair of old sweats and a ratty t-shirt that I had packed for bed. "You're not actually planning on wearing these, are you?" She held up the t-shirt skeptically with a look of pure disgust on her face. Instead of waiting for a reply, she merely ripped the shirt in half and tore up my sweats.

"Alice!" I shrieked, "I loved those things!"

She pulled out a pair of dark silk pajama bottoms and a matching top and threw them to me.

"Well, now you can love these." She laughed and pushed me into the bathroom to change. I noticed that all of my toiletries were already laid out on the bathroom counter. I brushed my hair and pulled it into a loose ponytail and then brushed my teeth. I took out all of the evening's frustration on my gums, which were raw and a little more pink than usual when I had finished. I rinsed my mouth out then changed into my new pajamas. I had to admit it, these were nice. I'd have to thank Alice later for her impeccable taste.

I marched back into Alice's room where she had set up a viewing area with large, plush pillows in front of her large flat-screen TV. There was a bowl of popcorn and a pile of packaged desserts in front of the TV and a stack of old-school DVDs. She had popped in the fifty-foot woman from the fifties. Alice and I spent the next hour and a half mocking the terrible scenery and make-up. It was more fun than I had, had in a really long time. After the movie had finished, Alice insisted on doing my fingernails and toenails whilst gossiping about celebrities. Before I knew it, both she and I were tucked into her large bed fighting to stay awake. I succumbed to my fatigue quickly.

--

I woke up to Alice shaking me violently.

"Bella? Bella!" I tried opening my eyes but I suppose I was still too asleep to manage that. I felt a sharp pain across my face. 'SMACK'

"Ouch!" My eyes flew open, "Alice what did you have to go and do that for?" I was rubbing my cheek where she had hit me.

Alice shrugged. "I've been trying to wake you up for like ten minutes! That's what they do in the movies."

"Next time just plug my mouth and nose!" I was still rubbing my cheek. I knew it was red.

"Well I panicked. I didn't think of that." Alice laughed lightly.

"Clearly." I was a little amused, I had to admit. The room grew silent and I could feel Alice's eyes on me.

"Bella, are you ok?"

I nodded my head as I tried to remember what exactly it was that I had dreamed about, but nothing came to mind.

"I think… I think I just need a drink of water. Maybe some cocoa or something. Where's your kitchen?"

"Down the hall, down the stairs, and through the door to your right," Alice mumbled. She was already half-asleep, " D'you wan me t-com-wif you?" Her mumbling was barely coherent.

I laughed. "No, Alice, you can go back to bed. You need to get your beauty sleep."

"M'already boo-tiful" Alice chimed. I laughed again as I climbed out of bed.

I tiptoed down the hall and down the stairs without making a single noise. I noticed the rug at the bottom of the stairs had yet to be corrected from when I had fallen earlier, so I re-arranged it before I went off to find the kitchen. The kitchen was large and had state-of the art culinary equipment. I walked over to the large-double-door refrigerator and pulled out a gallon of milk and chocolate syrup. I opened several cabinets before I found where the mugs were located. After I had filled my glass with the necessary ingredients, I put them back into the fridge and put my mug in the microwave.

I was sitting at the counter enjoying my hot chocolate when I heard music playing. It was intense and passionate, unlike any composer I'd heard before. I liked it very much and wanted to know who's CD it was. I left my cup on the table and headed off in the direction of the music.

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**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I left you hanging for so long! I was away on a trip this weekend and spent a lot of time brainstorming--but I was unable to update. I wrote this as fast as I could today while I was at work. The next chapter is on its way! I hope you enjoyed it! Trust me when I say the next chapter is going to be GREAT! I can't wait for you guys to read it! I don't know if it will be done tonight or not, but definitely sometime tomorrow.**

**Also, I know that it feels like this 'day' in the story is going on FOREVER... but it's all really crucial to the piece as a whole. Time will fly by a little faster after the next chapter, I promise! (Plus, I just really enjoy exploring the characters a little further, they've all got such personalities!)  
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**The dance is coming up and I know you're excited for that! I've got all of the pictures ready to be posted! (I had so so SO much fun online shopping for them!)**

**Should Bella go to the dance with Edward or Mike? I haven't really decided yet, but I do have an idea. Your feedback would be absolutely fantastic!**

**As always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

**Thanks to everyone who's been reading this story! It really means a lot to me!**

xo auteurinconnu


	13. Hold Me Close

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 13 – _Hold Me Close_

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Song: Yiruma, "River Flows in You"

* * *

The music grew louder with every step I took. It was beyond beautiful. I had never really taken the time to understand classical music, and the only comprehension I had of that particular music style were the few CDs Renee kept playing around the house when she decided she wanted to feel more intelligent. At least, that was how she always used to phrase it. I never figured out if she actually believed it raised her IQ or not. My stomach clenched painfully when I remembered that I'd never get the chance to ask her. A tear fell down my face and I wiped it away hastily—Now was not the time or place to mourn for Renee. Thinking about it made my heart ache. There was so much pain there. I did my best to push the fact that I couldn't heal to the back of my mind. I was still determined to find out the source of the gorgeous composition that filled my ears.

I walked through the laundry room to the back entryway. There was a flight of stairs to my right, and I followed the sound down them into the basement. I wasn't surprised by the state of the art entertainment system that was set up in the lounge area. There wasn't a screen, but a projector was hanging from the ceiling. I could only assume that the screen descended down from the ceiling as well—I'd never seen something like that in real life, and I made a mental note to ask Alice how it worked. For now, however, the music was all too distracting.

The sound was definitely coming from a room here in the basement. I walked past the over-sized couches and down another hallway. All of the doors I passed were closed with the exception of one. It was open, but just barely. A small line of light illuminated the dark hallway where the crack in the door allowed the soft light of the room on the opposite side to escape. The music was enchanting. With every note that was played, an emotion captivated me. I'd never heard such passion in music in my entire life. Not only that, but the sound was crystal clear.

_That had to be one hell of a stereo system._

I knocked lightly on the door but there was no response. I pushed the door open and slid in stealthily. I didn't want to scare whoever was listening to the music. I walked into a hallway that was decorated with musical paraphernalia. There were signed album covers, guitars, and a picture frame filled with what looked like a ticket to every concert in the surrounding area of Seattle in the past 10 years. I took another step and was now out of the hallway and into the room. There was an assortment of musical instruments on the wall to my right, but what captivated my attention was the large grand piano in the center of the room.

That, and the person playing it.

I'm pretty sure that had it been possible, my jaw would have hit the floor. Edward Cullen was sitting behind the piano pouring every bit of himself over the keys. I couldn't bring myself to move, or even breathe. I could only stand and listen to his playing. He hadn't noticed my entrance, all of his energy and attention was flying over the keys of the piano. He mixed complicated cadences with well thought-out note combinations. It was beautiful. He played the final chord and it was as if it echoed throughout the entire house. He sighed, closed his eyes, and looked up.

Then he froze.

"I, uh… well, er, hey?" I wanted to sound a bit more intelligent than that, but I couldn't wrap my head around his music. I was captivated by it even though he was no longer playing.

His eyes were pained as they looked at me. I could tell that he felt remorse. I wasn't sure if it was the music, the piano, or just Edward, but I could almost _feel_ how badly he felt about earlier. He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it instantly. I could see the indecision in his eyes, he wanted so badly to explain himself but couldn't think of the words to say it. It was heartbreaking to watch him struggle for words like that. I didn't understand where this sudden wave of empathy was coming from, but to be honest, I didn't really care. All that I cared about was taking away the pained expression that was etched on his face. I didn't want him to be upset—especially if I was the root of it.

"Bella, I—" I held my hand up to stop him.

"Edward, please don't ruin this moment by speaking." I smiled thinly at him and walked over to where he sat on the bench. He slid down on the bench and patted his hand on the wood to indicate where I should sit. I took my place beside him and was shocked at how right it really felt; like I was supposed to be sitting next to him.

"The piano is beautiful, you know." I said quietly. I ran my fingers along the polished wood of the instrument, admiring it for its artistic beauty. I pictured the different angles from which I could sketch it in my head—the carvings on the music stand, the smooth lines of the legs. "It must be old—is it from the twenties?" Edward didn't say anything, he merely nodded and watched me. I allowed my fingers to touch the keys, feeling the slightly worn ivory beneath them. "That was a great era for music…" I mused to myself. I pictured large jazz bands in ritzy clubs with Louis Armstrong at the lead making magic with his fingers. Again, Edward nodded and watched me. I didn't look at him, but kept my gaze isolated to the piano.

I pushed down one of the keys. The sound reverberated off of the walls of the room we were in. "Did you soundproof the room?" I asked. He nodded again. "The acoustics are amazing." I hit two other keys along with the key I had already hit and a chord filled the space in the room. It was comforting, together, whole. It was everything I wished that I could be in that moment with Edward. I snapped my hand off of the keys immediately. Edward noticed my sudden hesitation and replaced my hands with his own on the piano. I still couldn't look at him. For some reason, I didn't feel like I deserved the apology I knew he wanted to give to me. I was so undeserving of so much. My gaze went to my hands in my lap.

"Bella," Edward was looking at the piano, "Can I play you something?" There was emotion in his voice. It was raw and unedited. I realized in that moment that I was with Edward—the real Edward. The one whose gaze sent sparks up and down my spine. This was the person that he wanted me to see—the one that he'd been wanting me to see since I met him. This Edward scared me. This Edward threatened my numbness.

It was irrational, but I liked having my walls. They were dependable and constant. There were never any doubts when it came to them. My hands were shaking and I nodded weakly in response to his question.

His hands moved gracefully over the keys. The piece was beautifully arranged. It was heartfelt—each note was played with expressive care and I could feel what Edward was feeling for me in the notes that he played. It was overwhelmingly beautiful.

I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to travel wherever the music led it.

My memory took over, I was standing in the kitchen with my mother—we were attempting to bake cookies by following a complicated recipe that we had seen on the food network. Neither of us knew what we were doing and were both covered in flour and sugar. We were so excited for our concoction to be complete. Renee had started crying when we pulled out blackened cookies from the oven. She threw the burned cookies into the sink and started bawling. I tried to take a bite of one to calm her down but I had nearly chipped a tooth in the process… before we knew it we were both rolling on the floor laughing, with tears streaming down our faces from the hilarity.

I smiled at the recollection—thinking about how many air fresheners we had kept stockpiled to get the house smelling back to normal after every one of mom's attempts to cook.

A memory of the time when my mother in the back yard trying to save her dying chrysanthemums after two weeks of not watering them, or when she frizzed her hair out trying to give herself a perm. I remembered laughing with her in the living room as we watched the late night talk shows—and how she used to kiss my forehead when I would fall asleep on her.

My eyes were still closed but I could feel the tears.

I saw my mother's smile, heard her laugh after I had tripped on the door jam for then hundredth time. I felt her eyes on me, watching me as I read, smelled her perfume as she got ready for a date… My senses were deceiving me and I couldn't keep my walls up much longer, I knew that much was true, but the memories felt so real, so alive in the music that I didn't want to let go.

The song was coming to an end, it was bittersweet but I could feel my mother all around me as I sat and listened. My eyes were still closed. I saw the brilliant green of her knowing eyes as she tried to comfort me for the last time, and I felt her warm hand on my face—heard her reassuring me, telling me it was going to be alright…

Tears were flowing freely from my eyes. I knew that Edward had noticed, but he didn't stop playing. I kept my eyes closed as the music dwindled down. I saw his face in my mind. I saw his crooked smile and gentle eyes, and I remembered how safe I had felt when he was carrying me, or when he held me after I had fallen. I heard his voice, soothing and reassuring…

"Bella,"

A sob tore at my chest. I hadn't noticed that the music had stopped. I tried to stop myself from losing control but I had allowed all of my walls to come down. I couldn't hear or see or even breathe, but that didn't matter—all that mattered was the pain. I was feeling it now more than I ever had and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

I hardly noticed when Edward picked me up from where I was sitting and cradled me gently in his lap. He placed my head on his shoulder and I buried my face in his neck. He wrapped his arms protectively around me and held me together. I grasped onto his shirt to keep him held close to me—I needed him there. I needed him to be there when I cried. Sobs continued to escape me, shaking my frame entirely. Edward tightened his grip around me and put his face in my hair.

"Shhh, Bella, shhhh," He breathed into my hair as he spoke, "It's alright, Bella, I'm here."

_I'm here_. Two words. That's all that he needed to say. I don't know why I trusted him in that moment, but I did. Those two words said more to me than any book or dictionary could have ever held for me, and the last of my defenses fell completely. I crumbled.

He ran one of his hands in comforting circles on my back and rocked me gently back and forth, humming the song he had just played the whole time. My crying was violent and unadulterated. Pain washed over me in waves. The guilt that I felt for my mother threatened to drown me in my own misery, but Edward never lessened his embrace. I knew that he could feel what I was feeling, but instead of trying to intervene with my suffering, he allowed me to feel it. His only support was his presence—his physically holding me together when my memories threatened to pull me apart—and it was all that I needed.

Edward sat with me in the piano room until I had cried myself out. Occasionally he would kiss the top of my head and whisper words of comfort in my ear, but for the most part, he simply sat with me until I couldn't cry anymore.

By the time my eyes had all but dried up, I was exhausted. Edward carried me out of the room and up to the kitchen, sitting me down at the counter where my cup had been left however many hours ago. It was cold. Edward stood across from me in the kitchen leaning casually with his arms, clearly unsure of what to do or say next. I was positive that I looked absolutely frightful, but if he had noticed, he wasn't allowing it to show. I rubbed my puffy eyes and yawned, trying to decide what to do next. I felt like I should apologize.

"I'm sor—" But Edward raised his hand to cut me off. Apparently he had gained some self-confidence in the past two seconds.

"Bella, there will be time for conversation later. Right now, I really think you should get some sleep." He was looking at me with concern, and I understood why. I nodded my head and jumped down off the seat.

"Right." I tried to sound authoritative and confident, but I'd never been either of those things, and my voice ended up sounding weak and a bit choked. Edward chuckled.

He strode over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders, almost hesitating to do so. He looked me dead in the eyes and that familiar spark traveled straight up and down my spine. There was an intensity between us that I was beginning to understand, but didn't want to admit to. I could sense that he felt it, as well. Even if he didn't want to admit to it, either, it was written plainly on his face.

I didn't want to go to sleep, I wanted to stand in the kitchen and look in Edward's eyes all night. I shook my head at the idea, knowing that it was a bad idea for me to get close to someone again. I couldn't survive if something like that happened again.

"I don't want to go to sleep, either, Bella," Edward whispered. It was as if he'd read my thoughts. But my thoughts were now elsewhere. Where was I going to sleep, anyways?

"Alice is already in bed." I said, thinking out loud.

"We have a guest bedroom." Edward said politely. He gestured towards the door to the kitchen where the stairs were.

"Lead the way," I yawned. He smiled at me but I didn't smile in return. My walls had successfully been put back in place and I intended to keep them that way. No matter how much I liked Edward Cullen.

He led me up the stairs and down the hall. He opened the door across from Alice's room and ushered me inside. There was a large bed against the far wall that looked luxuriously comforting. I hesitated at the door, however. I felt a strong internal battle ensuing. One part of me wanted to stay with Edward for the rest of the night. I felt safe with him, secure almost in my skin. But the other part of me was the part that felt naked with Edward Cullen. That part of me wanted the walls that kept me held together, and it wanted nothing more than to stay far, far away from him.

I had a decision to make.

Even though I was tired, I found myself pacing back in forth in my room after Edward had bid me a good night. My mind was torn between being two different people. On the one hand, I wanted to protect myself from having my heart torn into pieces again. I wasn't even completely whole as it was! I felt threatened by the new emotions that would stir in my chest every time Edward was near. I was safe in being numb, there was no danger in feeling nothing at all. I was afraid to put myself at risk for loss again. I had been so devastated the last time… could I do that again?

The other part of me wanted nothing more than to be with Edward Cullen. Had he not demonstrated his reliability tonight in the piano room? When I was with Edward, I felt a connection to him that was stronger than anything I'd ever felt before in my life, stronger even than the connection I'd had with Renee. But letting him in would be hard, and I would have to tell him everything. Was I ready for that? Besides, Edward was a womanizer. He couldn't want anything from boring old me. I held no interest.

I flopped on the bed in frustration at my internal argument. I needed help. No, I needed Renee. She always talked me through stuff like this. I climbed under the covers and tried to think of what Renee would have said to me if she were here.

--

"_Bella… you have to… to promise me something…"_

"_A-an-anything,"_

"_Bella… promise me that when it finds you… promise me you won't be scared."_

"_M-mom what are you talking about? Wh-when what f-finds me?"_

"_Love, my sweet Bella… love…"_

"_Mom… I… I can't…"_

"_Please… please, my Bella… promise me this…" _

"_I… I p-promise, mom."_

--

My eyes flew open. It was light outside. I didn't feel like I'd gotten much sleep, but it didn't matter.

My decision had been made.

* * *

**A/N: So what did you guys think? Everything is starting to get pieced together! What do you think Bella's decision is? Which Bella will she choose to be? Don't forget to let me know which guy you think she'll go to the dance with! **

**Thanks so much for all of your support and feedback! I really, really, REALLY appreciate it! **

**There's a link on my profile to the song that Edward plays for Bella. I really recommend listening to it as you read, it makes the story feel so much more realistic!**

**As always, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!**

xo auteurinconnu


	14. Quit Playing Games

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 14 – Quit Playing Games

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Song: Paramore, "Misery Business"

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I yawned and stretched my body as much as the bed would allow me to. I rubbed my eyes sleepily and attempted to crawl out from under the covers. Unfortunately, crawling requires at least a decent amount of grace, of which I have none, and therefore resulted in me lying in a piled of linens on the floor next to the bedside table lamp that had apparently joined me in my fall. I laughed at myself, feeling lighter than I had in weeks.

I'd never been one to make rash decisions. It wasn't my style, so to speak. My mom had always told me that I was born middle-aged and only got older every year. I guess I made decisions like an adult. When it comes to making a choice, especially a large, life-altering one, I struggled over the notion of going either one way or the other. I can't help but think of every single possibility that making a choice would have on my life. In my head, I make lists, create flow charts and diagrams, and envision myself in an imaginary world where I've made my decision to attempt to see the outcome. It sometimes takes me days to comb over things until I'm ready to make a choice. But once the choice is made, the hard part is over.

Was it just me, or was the sun shining a little brighter today? I inhaled deeply and opened the door and marched across the hall to Alice's room. She was standing in her large bathroom putting the last touches on her make-up when I walked in.

"Good Morning, Bella," Alice said without looking away from her reflection.

"It is a good morning, isn't it?" I sighed cheerily.

Alice raised an eyebrow but remained focused on her mascara. "What has you all bright and shiny this morn—" Alice looked over at me, "Oh dear God, Bella!"

"It's nice to see you, too, sunshine" I mused sarcastically.

"Really, Bella, you need to shower… or something." I shrugged her off. Even her normal disdain for my lack of fashion sense wasn't going to get to me today.

"You're ridiculous. Let's go eat." I smiled at her, but her lips remained in a thin line as she gave me yet another once-over. I could tell she did not approve. She sighed. I'd won.

"If you insist…" I opened the door for her and followed her out of her room and down the hall to the stairs. I was feeling elated—nothing could get to me today! Unfortunately, in my elation, I forgot that when it comes to myself, going down the stairs is a two-hands on activity. I'd forgotten to grab the railing as I descended to the lower level and I hit the rug I'd slipped on the night before. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground wrapped up in the floor mat with a rather uncomfortable pain shooting up my back from my butt. I rubbed it, hoping the pain would dissappate. It didn't.

Booming laughter from above me on the stairs caused me to snap my head up. Emmett was standing a few feet away from me at the top of the stairs howling with joy.

"I knew that if I waited just a few more minutes something good would happen." He clearly found my lack of coordination more than amusing. I scowled at him.

"Hello Emmett" I growled. This only caused him to laugh harder. I looked pleadingly at Alice for some back-up, but she had her hand fastened over her mouth to keep her giggles contained. I sent her a glare as well.

Emmett was regaining control of his breathing. "I'll give you an 8.5 on execution, but you definitely deserve a 10 for that landing!" Emmett lost control again and had to sit down on the stairs to calm himself down. Tears of laughter were pooling in his eyes and he wiped them away as he continued to chuckle.

"Shut up and help me to my feet." I held my arms out for him to lift me up from the ground. He approached, still laughing at me, and placed me back on my feet. Before facing me he straightened out the front of my pajama top and brushed imaginary dust off my shoulders. Then he looked down at my face.

Emmett, if it was possible, gasped. "Whoa, Bella!"

"What?" I was confused, "Is there something on my face?" I touched my hand to my face to make sure I didn't have dried drool there or something, which only sent Emmett into another spasm of laughter.

"D-did you get in a wr-wrestling m-match with a—a vacuum cleaner l-last night?" He was laughing so hard he could barely speak. He was referring to my apparently abhorrent appearance.

"What?"

"'Cause if you did, well, Bella, you definitely lost." And Emmett lost all control again. He doubled over in hysterics and crawled towards the kitchen. I turned towards Alice, now upset about the way that I looked. She was definitely smug.

"Alice, is it really that bad?" I was panicking.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Bella, I know you're into the whole—grunged-out college kid look with your ratty sweatshirts and jeans—"

"They are not ratty!" I protested, but she ignored me.

"—but I strongly recommend that you should before you see Edward." She winked at me and I turned to run up the stairs, almost falling again in my haste. "I've laid your clothes out for you! They're on the bed!" Alice called after me. I heard her silvery laughter as I ran into her room and slammed the door. I walked into the bathroom and glanced at myself in the mirror.

_Yikes._

My hair was a matted mess. It stuck out in odd angles at odd places and was clearly going to take at least half a bottle of Alice's finest conditioner to detangle. I tried in vain to remove my ponytail holder, but it was stubbornly stuck in place thanks to a few dozen knots of hair. My face was red, puffy, and blotchy. My eyes were bloodshot and sore and I had two large dark circles under my eyes. I looked like the dawn of the dead on a bad hair day. It definitely wasn't pretty. I turned on the shower and ran to the sink to wash of my face. I allowed the cool water to refresh me as I waited for the shower to heat up. It didn't take long. When it was steaming, I stripped out of my pajamas and into the shower. The warm current soothed all of my aches and pains and worked out the kinks and knots in my shoulders and back.

I don't know how long I stood in the shower and didn't think, I hardly even think I moved aside from when I shampooed and conditioned my hair, but I stepped out when the water started to turn cold. There were two fluffy towels waiting for me and I openly welcomed their warm and dry embrace. My toiletries were sitting out already so I brushed my teeth and hair and threw on the jeans and blue v-neck sweater Alice had left out for me. She had left me a pair of shoes as well, but I loved my sheep-skin boots too much to not wear them. I tucked my jeans into them and headed down the stairs to the kitchen.

Everyone, minus Edward, was standing around the center island eating and talking. Rosalie and Jasper must have arrived in my absence.

"Hey kid, you clean up good!" Emmett laughed heartily and Rosalie slapped him lightly on the back of the head. She smiled at me.

"Good afternoon, Bella."

"Hey Rosalie," Wait a second, did she just say afternoon? I looked over at the clock on the stove. It was nearly one o'clock!

"You guys!" I felt like a terrible guest, "You shouldn't have let me sleep so long!"

"Non-sense!" Alice chirped. She winked at me again. I wonder if she knew… I got the strangest feeling that she did. She wouldn't have mentioned it earlier when she instructed me to shower if she didn't…

"You needed your rest," a musical voice cut my thoughts off and I flushed instantly. Edward crossed the kitchen and wrapped an arm around my waist. He gave it a small squeeze and shivers flew up and down my spine. "Good afternoon, Bella," he whispered in my ear. He dropped his arm and headed over to the refrigerator. My face was on fire. I was hoping his small embrace would have gone unnoticed, but when I looked up, everyone was staring at me. My face lit on fire. I reached forward and grabbed a strawberry off of one of the lunch platters sitting on the island and stuffed it in my mouth before anyone had the chance to ask me anything. The entire room burst into simultaneous laughter. I chewed quickly and swallowed a little too quickly—causing me to cough. Everyone burst into another round of giggles. Edward smirked at me as he handed me a bottle of water from the fridge.

I wanted to die. I was completely mortified.

Everyone was just looking at me expectantly, as if waiting for some sort of explanation. I decided to dodge the bullet by changing the subject.

"So… What are we doing today?" I asked hesitantly. I shot a nervous glance at Edward, he smiled reassuringly. I desperately did not want to have to be subjugated to another shopping spree with Alice. I didn't think my legs and arms could take it.

"Silly Bella! You didn't remember?" Alice was giggling.

"Remember what?"

"The game!"

"What game?"

There was a sharp intake of breath coming over from where Emmett and Rosalie were standing. The room fell silent instantaneously. Everyone was looking at Emmett. Rosalie looked slightly afraid. I gulped audibly.

"What… game…?" Emmett asked incredulously.

"Y-y-yeah," I stammered. Did I really make him angry? I looked at Edward again, he wasn't looking at me, he was watching Emmett warily. He shifted his weight and angled his body towards me, as if he was preparing to launch himself in front of me.

"WHAT GAME?!" Emmett roared. Edward stepped in front of me as Emmett turned around to face away from me. He put his hand in a dish on the counter and then put it to his face. When he turned around he had a large yellow hand print covering most of his face. He looked possessed. I was terrified, but Edward relaxed and stepped to the side with a grin on his face.

_What the hell?!_

"What game, you ask? WHAT GAME?!" Emmett was roaring again. "My dear Bella," His voice calmed down to a semi-suitable level again, "this is not just a game. This is the game to end all games!" He was yelling again, but there was humor in his voice. He closed his eyes and clasped his hands in front of him. He separated them and balled them into fists.

I briefly remembered there being a big rivalry game coming up, but I didn't remember it being today. I was still nervous. Emmett's actions were beyond bizarre.

"What game?" I asked again. My voice was hardly a whisper.

"WHAT GAME?!" Emmett bellowed again. I was starting to get annoyed along with being terrified. If only someone would tell me what the big freaking deal was. Rosalie laughed and put her hand on Emmett's over-sized bicep—temporarily calming him so she could speak.

"Bella, it's the rivalry match-up with—"

"THE ENEMY!" Emmett snarled. Jasper, Alice, and Edward burst into laughter but Rosalie looked cross. She put her hand over Emmett's mouth.

"—with Montesano High School. They've been our rivals for decades. This is the big basketball match-up of the season."

"Oh." Well now everything made sense.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK THEIR NAME, WOMAN?!" Emmett hollered at Rosalie. "THEY ARE THE ENEMY! AND TODAY THEY ARE GOING DOWN!" He ripped his shirt off and placed another yellow handprint on his chest. He puffed himself up and flexed his large muscles at her. She glared at him. Emmett immediately hunkered down in cowardice and exhaled loudly—causing all of his muscles to shrink rapidly. "Sorry, Rose."

Jasper, Alice, Edward and I all giggled as we literally watched Emmett deflate. I popped another strawberry in my mouth and turned to Alice.

"So who's on the team?" Alice turned to her boyfriend and smiled, "Aside from Jasper, that is." I added. I already knew that Jasper was a basketball star from the local newspaper. Alice giggled and pointed to Edward. I hadn't noticed before that he was wearing basketball warm-ups and sweats, or that he matched Jasper. I was too preoccupied with his face. I looked at him again, and got lost in his eyes. A spark traveled throughout my entire body as he smiled.

"He's got the second most points of anyone on the team! Jasper's got the most." Alice looked at her boyfriend adoringly and brushed some of his blonde hair off of his forehead. He kissed her nose.

"But Edward's got the school record in the 40 yard dash. He's by far the fastest one on the court." Jasper said humbly.

I hadn't taken my eyes off of Edward, "Is there anything you can't do?" I asked dreamily without breaking eye contact. I blushed profusely when I realized I'd said what I had been thinking.

Edward's face was contorted. He was mocking me! He put his thumb and forefinger on his chin and feigned thought. He smiled and looked at me. "Nope, nothing." I laughed and punched him lightly on the arm.

"Alright boys, let's get going!" Esme had entered the kitchen. She was holding two gym bags.

"Emmett doesn't play on the team?" I asked. I was shocked. From the display of spirit earlier I'd have assumed he was one of the team captains!

"Nope, he's the team mascot." Esme answered. She gestured towards Emmett who was now completely geared up for the game. He had on a roman-era looking helmet and a gladiator's uniform. He was holding a plastic spear mightily over his head. **(see my profile for picture of Emmett's costume.)**

"I think he takes his job a little too seriously." Rosalie added quickly, "Nice skirt, babe." She winked at me and dashed out of the room the moment the words left her lips.

"YOU ARE NOW THE ENEMY!" Emmett screamed and went running after her laughing. I heard him chasing her out in the front yard and heard her squeal with delight when he caught her.

Esme called to Edward and Jasper again. Alice reached up and kissed Jasper forcefully. His face was nearly as red as mine got when she released him. Edward walked towards me with a smile on his face. I started to shake nervously. When he was two feet away, he reached his arms out to wrap me in a hug. I panicked. I stuck my hand out in front of me awkwardly. Edward stopped in his tracks and looked down at my hand. He smirked. He took my hand and shook it lightly. He took a step back but didn't release my hand. Instead, he bent forward and gently pressed his lips to my fingertips—all without breaking eye contact with me. I was in a trance.

"Enchantée, mademoiselle," He said in the sexiest French accent I'd ever heard. I nearly had a heart attack. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep but ragged breath… when I opened them, he was gone.

Alice giggled and ushered me out the door. Her, Rosalie, and I climbed into a fancy looking BMW and sped down the road to the school. The parking lot was packed, and the gym was even more congested. I'd never seen so many people in my entire life in one small area, and I was from Phoenix! Alice led me to our seats in the bleachers, which apparently had been saved. Soon enough, everyone in the gym was on their feet. I watched as both teams strode onto the court for their warm up. I couldn't take my eyes off Edward. His movements were so fluid and agile. He was graceful even in the aggression and heat of the competition. He was beautiful.

As I watched him during the warm-up, I decided that I would tell him about my decision after the game. I prayed that they would win. It made me nervous to think of myself being so open with him, but for some reason, I trusted him—when I thought back to the night before it made it impossible not to. He had been so supportive, so comforting. I heard him whisper _I'm here_, in my head. I smiled. I was jumpy in my anticipation for the conversation I was going to have with Edward after the game, but I passed it off as excitement for the game.

The game was intense, as was to be expected, but I wasn't playing much attention to who was winning. I only had eyes for Edward, (Though I did take my eyes off of him when Emmett poked the other team's mascot in the eye with his plastic spear). I screamed when he got the ball and dribbled down the court, cheered when he scored a basket, and gasped whenever he got fouled. Edward's skill was incredible to watch. In the last few moments of the game, Edward was dribbling down the court in front of me, and I would have sworn he winked at me before he passed the ball to Jasper. I almost fainted.

The Forks High Spartans claimed a victory in the final seconds of the game thanks to a buzzer three-pointer that Jasper made from half-court. Alice was ecstatic. She ran off to the locker room to meet Jasper. I was left alone in the stands because Rosalie had left to tend to her boyfriend's bruised ego after he got tossed from the game. About three seconds after Alice had left, I stole her idea and headed off to the locker room to meet Edward.

Mike caught me on my way.

"Hey Bella! Did you enjoy the game?"

"Yeah!" I was breathless in my excitement, "It was great"

_And by 'it' I mean Edward._

"So what are you doing now?" He wrapped his arm around my shoulders possessively.

"Oh, I'm spending the weekend at the Cullens." I shrugged his shoulder off. He noticed.

"I thought I told you to stay away from Edward Cullen," Mike growled.

"I'm a big girl, Mike, I can decide for myself who I would like to spend time with." I snapped. His possessiveness was making me edgy and uncomfortable. I took a step away from him and walked forward. He matched my stride, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me to a stop. I cried out in pain weakly. I hadn't anticipated him to grip me so tightly. I looked up and saw Alice standing in front of a door nearby bouncing up and down eagerly, and it comforted me that Edward was close by.

I tried in vain to wrench free of Mike's iron-clad grasp.

"Are you trying to tell me that you choose _him_ over _me?_" He asked in surprise.

"I guess I am," I hissed. I wrenched my wrist free and started towards Alice. The locker room opened and Jasper bounded out and wrapped Alice up into a huge hug. She was beaming at him as they rounded the corner towards the exit. Edward followed behind Jasper out of the locker room. I saw him look around expectantly. I waved and smiled but he didn't seem to see me. He continued his search as he stepped around the corner where Alice and Jasper had disappeared earlier. Lauren stepped into my line of vision and made a beeline for Edward. I narrowed my eyes at her and hurried forward to catch Edward. I turned the corner and stopped dead in my tracks.

I watched as she wrapped her hands around his neck and leaned forward to kiss his lips. I gasped. Edward's eyes went straight to mine and the spark that usually traveled down my spine turned into a painful spasm.

Only one thing ran through my mind: I chose wrong.

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**A/N: Were you as surprised as I was? Like I said, the story writes itself! I had no say in the matter!  
**

**Sorry it took me a little longer to update! My computer deleted the half of this chapter that I had written so I had to re-write the whole thing. I honestly like the re-write better, though. Things are definitely getting a little more complicated in the life of Bella and Edward.**

**I actually looked up Forks High School online. Their school mascot is the "Spartans" and I don't actually know if Montesano is their rival, but according to my research they are a school that Forks has on their schedule. So, it's as accurate as my limited knowledge allows me to be.**

**as always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

xo auteurinconnu


	15. Riding in Cars with Boys

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 15 – _Riding in Cars with Boys_

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Song: Flyleaf, "All Around Me"

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There was noise all around me, but I could have heard a pin hit the floor. Edward's eyes were locked on mine, even if the arms that were currently around his neck were not. I clapped one hand over my mouth to suppress a gasp while the other flew around my chest and grasped at my sweater with desperation. It pulled at the expensive fabric as if trying to communicate with my brain. I wasn't quite sure that I was processing everything yet. I felt the tears on my face before I knew that they were going to fall. A small tremor shook my body. My knees were starting to shake. I had ot make my escape quickly before my emotions caused me to lose complete control.

The instant Edward saw me, he pushed violently away from Lauren.

"Bella," He called to me. Edward shot her a glare but I couldn't bring myself to care. I took off down the hallway at a sprint. Edward tried to stop me. He held out his hand to grab my arm as I passed but I pushed past him and ran for the exit.

"Bella, let me explain!" His voice was desperate. I could hear him running after me. It didn't escape my attention that there was audible pain in his voice. That didn't make the pain that I was feeling any easier to bear. Instead, I fought the instinct to turn around and comfort him. For now, my anger and hurt presided over my will to be compassionate. I tried desperately to fight it, but his voice completely incapacitated me. I tripped in the parking lot and fell to the asphalt—tearing my jeans and scraping up my hands in the process. My composure broke and I started sobbing. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me protectively. Edward.

"G-get your h-hands off me." I hissed.

"Bella…" He pleaded.

"No." I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to know the awful truth that I had just witnessed. I couldn't bring myself to face it, and I wasn't about to allow him to drag me to it.

"Bella, please, " He released me from his embrace but held on to one of my hands.

"I said no, Edward." I wrenched my hand out of his in an uncoordinated movement. I just wanted to be away from him. Couldn't he tell that he was making it worse?

"Let me explain," He was speaking calmly, as if trying to talk me down from a ledge. I scoffed at his condescension. It made my blood boil in anger.

"Let you explain? EXPLAIN?!" I roared, a small crowd was gathering so I took my voice down a few notches. Edward noticed them, too, and waved them away, "You would like the chance to EXPLAIN?!" I was shaking with rage, "Explain what?! How you lied to me last night? How you led me on? Or how Lauren got wrapped around you like a leech on a bloated hemophiliac?" My voice was hardly a whisper but it was malevolent. Thinking about Lauren gave me a strong desire to punch her in the face, but at the moment, my anger with Edward was of larger concern.

"Both, actually," He almost smirked, but his face was not even remotely near amused. He was afraid. He could feel me pushing him away.

"No." I tried to make my voice sound as final as possible, but it was weak at best. I never was a good authority figure. I tried to steel myself to make my next response, whatever that was, sound a bit more forceful.

"Bella," He was pleading again.

"I said NO!" His persistence was agitating, but at the same time, the fact that he was trying so hard to make things right gave me the strangest feeling of glee in the pit of my stomach. I squelched the idea of him and I together with force. I turned and walked away from him, hoping to end the conversation at that.

"Bella, please…" He was getting desperate and was starting to beg. He followed me. I wheeled around to face him, with tears pouring down my face. My anger was fading, and fast.

"Don't you get it?" I whispered, "Edward, it's done. It's over. It's over before it even started." I choked back a sob at my own words. The pain I felt was reflected in his piercing green eyes.

"Can we talk about this?"

"You've done enough already," The anger was back. It was flaring. I turned to walk away he again. He gave me a few steps before pleading once more.

"Please," He hadn't moved and was staring dejectedly at the ground. His hand was covering his eyes. He looked completely tortured. Edward's voice was hardly a whisper. I wasn't even sure I was meant to hear it. The sound of it broke my heart, something I didn't enjoy at all. It bothered me that I wanted to comfort _him_ when I was the one who'd been betrayed.

"Please nothing," I was utterly venomous, but the anger was gone as soon as it had returned, "I trusted you," I whispered back at him and the gravity of the words hit me like a brick wall and they reverberated around my skull with their honesty. "I TRUSTED YOU!" I roared at him, "I trusted you, and you lied to me! I let my guard down, and I thought… I thought…" I didn't want to finish the sentence, it hurt too much to think of what could have been. I looked up at him and saw tears in _his_ eyes. My emotions took over and I lost complete control. Sobs tore at my chest violently.

Edward took a step forward.

"NO!" I screamed at him, he froze instantly but I could feel in the air how badly he wanted to comfort me. I crawled backwards and into another pair of arms. At least I knew these arms weren't Edward's. I allowed myself to be scooped up. Edward growled.

"Get your hands off her, Mike,"

"She's not your problem anymore, Cullen" Mike's grip tightened uncomfortably, possessively. I didn't like being referred to as someone's 'problem'. I tried to scramble out of Mike's arms, but he tightened his grip even more. Edward noticed and growled again, I saw his hands ball into fists.

"She is when you're involved." His voice were razors. I was almost scared at the pure menace in it. Both men were starting to annoy me.

"I'm not anyone's problem!" I hissed, glaring at both of them as I spoke. I struggled to free myself again. He grudgingly allowed me to climb down. I narrowed my eyes at Edward. "and I'm going with Mike." I didn't really want to, but I had been planning to ride home with Edward and Alice had already left. Mike was really my only option.

"No, you're not." Edward growled at me without taking his eyes off of Mike. His stance was protective, not possessive. I noticed the difference, but I was livid at his assumption of responsibility for my well being. I could take care of myself.

"What makes you think you have any sort of claim over what I do, Edward?" I spat his name with as much venom as I could muster.

He sighed in defeat, "None, but Bella…" His eyes were begging me. He was trying to communicated something to me with his eyes.

"But WHAT?!" I was completely exasperated. Why wouldn't he just tell me what was bothering him? Why didn't he trust me to be able to handle the truth? Why was he being so cryptic?

"You _have_ to trust me on this." He was begging me to stay with him. I wanted desperately to, but he was asking me to trust him blindly, after what he'd just put me through. It was an impossibility.

"Trust you," I repeated, "TRUST YOU?! What in the hell makes you think I'd do that?" He opened his mouth to respond but I cut him off, "Save it for someone that actually gives a damn," and turned on my heel and walked away. Mike wrapped his arm around me and breathed heavily on my neck. I tried to shrug his arm off, but I couldn't. Mike was beaming, he was smug, though nothing about the current situation warranted him acting in that manner. The thought was gnawing at the corner of my mind. Mike ushered me to his truck and lifted me into the cab. I was too upset to care that his hands rested a little too long on places they shouldn't have.

"Take me home," I ordered as Mike climbed in. I felt his eyes on me and crossed my hand over my chest and allowed a few more tears to fall.

Mike revved the engine and peeled out of the nearly empty parking lot. I glanced out the window and didn't see Edward anywhere, which instead of comforting me, made me feel naked, alone, and afraid. There was something about Mike that made me uneasy, and I couldn't place it. There was something about how Edward had acted, he was protective of me. He didn't want me to get hurt. Mike was possessive… and the way he was always looking at me… I shuddered. My tears were blinding me and I tried to focus my attention on keeping my breathing at a normal rate, but the longer I sat in the cab with Mike, the more terrified I became. He kept shooting glances at me and licking his lips. Something wasn't right. I thought back to the choice I had made this morning—the one I was so happy about. I wasn't one to change my mind, I never had been. I didn't like that I was backtracking now, and this, being in the cab of a dirty truck with mike, it felt… well, it felt all wrong, unsafe. My heart rate hitched up a few more notches.

"Mike, pull over." I ordered. He didn't even acknowledge that I had spoken. My breath caught in my throat. I wiped at my eyes and looked out the window. I didn't recognize where we were. "Mike, pull over." I commanded again. He smiled wickedly at me. I started to shake. We continued driving in silence and I watched as the forest grew denser outside. I was hiccupping in my panic.

The truck was starting to slow, but I didn't see any buildings nearby. This only caused my panic to jump into overdrive. I was absolutely terrified. Mike pulled along the curb and put the truck in park without saying a single word to me. I watched as he licked his lips hungrily and ran his eyes up and down my body. I did my best to cover myself but my actions were altogether ignored. He inched closer towards me, breathing heavily. His breath was sour and unpleasant. I was pressed up against the door as he spoke.

"Why didn't you choose me, Bella?" His eyes raked over my frame again.

"Ch-choose you?" I spluttered.

"Over Cullen." He moved closer towards me still.

"I d-did… I'm h-here. I ch-chose you in the parking lot." My voice was weak, and I knew he could tell I was lying.

"You only came with me because you were mad at Cullen." His face darkened at the mention of his name.

"Wh-where are we?" I asked. I was weighing my chances of escape in my head. They were not looking good.

"I really like you, Bella," Mike breathed, ignoring my question. I decided my best bet was to play along.

"M-Mike, pl-please take me h-home." Tears continued to pour down my face. I ran my hand along the door looking for the handle. I knew I would have trouble jumping down from the truck, but at this point a sprained ankle seemed worth the risk.

"How much do you like me?" He asked. To be honest, he looked a little deranged. I was scrambling for an answer when I found the door latch. Mike's hand reached up to my face. I couldn't allow that to happen, no matter what the consequence was. I didn't want his dirty hands marring what memories I had left.

"Mike, take me home," I tried to sound authoritative, but I was failing miserably. At least Mike dropped his hand.

"Oh, you're not going home, Bella." His voice was husky and he laughed at me. I whimpered in response. Mike's face was about three inches from mine. There was a dark glint in his eyes, he looked hungry. "Don't try anything stupid," He grabbed a hold of one of my arms violently.

"Get off of me," I spat in his face and screamed for help.

"No one will be able to hear you, Bella," and he turned the music in the truck up to full volume. I couldn't even hear myself think. The base pulsed the seat and the truck's entire frame shook. Mike scooted away from me, keeping his hand wrapped around my arm, and pressed down the lock button. The doors locks retracted—I was stuck. I took a deep breath trying to clear my thoughts, knowing that I had to keep my head about me so I could get away. I tried to survey my surroundings but the music made it nearly impossible to even breathe.

Mike slithered towards me with a wicked grin on his face. I knew what his intentions were, and I could feel his desire. It nauseated me. I forced myself to take another deep breath. My father was the chief of police, and I sure as hell wasn't about to go down without a fight. I pulled my free arm backwards and placed a well-aimed punch to his nose. Mike reeled backwards, releasing my other arm and I pulled on the door handle twice, unlocking it and wrenched the door open behind me. I tumbled out of the truck and to the grass, thankful that Mike had pulled off of the road. I attempted to scramble to my feet by Mike was on top of me before I got the chance to re-orient myself. He was raging. His breathing was ragged and I could see the fury in his face as his nose dripped blood from where I'd hit him.

"You should have listened to me, Bella. You should have listened when I told you to stay away from Cullen. You should have listened when I told you not to do anything stupid." He grabbed a fist full of my hair and dragged me away from the truck and towards the woods. I screamed bloody murder. Going into the woods would lessen my chances of escape by a long shot. The music in the car was too loud, my screams were completely drowned out.

I planted my feet as best I could and felt my hair tug at my scalp painfully. Mike stopped, and laughed. He was amused by my efforts to fight him off. He released my hair and I took off at a run, after two strides Mike had caught me. I felt a blow to my back that sent me sprawling. Mike wrapped one of his meaty hands around my throat as he tore at my sweater, removing it in a few swift movements. He didn't like that I had a tank-top on underneath and began tearing at that. He had effectively pinned me to the ground by straddling my waist. I felt with my hands for some sort of reprieve, and felt a smooth stone to my right. I grasped it firmly and brought it crashing into Mike's forehead. He howled in pain and released his chokehold. I sputtered and coughed, taking in as much air as I could, while trying to think of a way out, but panic was quickly dominating my system.

Mike was back in less than a second, now truly enraged. He balled his hand into a fist and punched me full on across the face, then in the gut, causing me to see stars. I rolled around on the ground in agony. I flash of headlights caused him to freeze. I took advantage of the moment. I rushed to my feet and took off into the woods. Mike bellowed in fury and took off after me, panic completely overtook me. I pushed frantically through the forest in the pitch black. I tripped and fell a few times, but I could hear Mike's heavy footsteps behind me, so I continued to run. I would have sworn I heard another pair of footsteps, but I was so panicked I was positive my mind was playing tricks on me. I wouldn't allow myself to become complacent, not now, not yet. Not while I could still hear him behind me.

I didn't know how long I'd been running, or how far I was from the road and the headlights of the other car. But my legs were weak from fatigue, I fell, and I couldn't move. I simply laid where I had fallen and cried. I just waited for Mike. I tried to calm myself, hoping that whatever he had planned for me would be over quickly. I had managed to calm myself down somewhat, but sobs continued to escape me. I had the strangest sense of déjà vu, and my mind flashed back to the dream I had just a few days ago.

_The forest was dark and impenetrable. I was running from him, but I could sense his heavy breathing only a few yards behind me. I screamed for help, but the noise was drowned out by the beating of the base. No one would come for me. I grew more and more frantic as I pushed myself forward into the darkness. I tripped, scraping my knees and my legs on the undergrowth. Another sob tore through my chest. I curled up in a ball and waited for my fate, waited for the horror that was coming for me._

_A bright light flashed in front of me, dredging up fears I was trying to keep at bay. _

"_Finally" the voice purred. I turned and looked into those deep, green eyes. _

I screamed as a pair of strong arms plucked me from my hiding place in the underbrush. But it wasn't a violent movement. It was comforting, safe. My sobbing intensified at my relief.

"Shhhh, Bella," The musical voice soothed, "I'm here, Bella, I'm here."

_Edward._

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**A/N: Phew! What a relief! If you thought this chapter was intense... just imagine what it was like writing it!? I'm not going to give anything away for the next chapter, but I can tell you that I absolutely LOVED writing it. Well, what I have written, at least. It's not yet completed! This story has been an emotional roller coaster, don't you think? **

**For those of you Edward lovers, I think it's safe to say that Bella's now officially going to the dance with him... WISH GRANTED! **

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**Let me know what you thought about it, I'm worried that I haven't adequately captured some of the moments in the scene. I don't have any experience with any of this kind of stuff, so I'm kind of lost in the dark... Let me know what you thought (and please be honest!)**

**I also wanted to say thanks to everyone who's been reading and reviewing. It's the best feeling in the world when you get positive feedback on what you've been working so hard on. So, thank you, honestly and truly, readers and reviewers for making me smile when I see that you've enjoyed what I've written. It means SO much to me!**

**As always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

xo auteurinconnu


	16. When Opportunity Knocked

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 16 – _When Opportunity Knocked_

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Song: Lindsay Haun, "Broken"

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I woke up in the hospital.

The room that I was in was similar to the one I woke up in after the accident. The painting on the wall was different—this one was a cheap re-make of a photograph of what looked like downtown Seattle. I rolled my eyes at it, thinking of the different ways that I could have portrayed the image better. The walls were a faded blue, a soft soothing color. I could hear the beeping of the medical machinery behind me, but I couldn't feel nearly as much bandaging around me as in my last stint in the hospital. I was laying on my back, facing up towards the ceiling. I was searching with my left hand for the button to raise the bed into a more comfortable sitting position when I noticed the warmth on my right.

I turned my head to investigate. There, in one of the uncomfortable institutional hospital chairs, was Edward. He had fallen asleep with his head on my bed, his forehead touching the backside of my hand. One of his alabaster hands was wrapped tightly around mine, with the fingers lightly laced. Moving slowly and without untangling our fingers, I sat myself up and crossed my legs. I was trying not to wake him, but I was surprised that the movement didn't bring him out of his slumber. I wasn't exactly graceful or stealthy. I leaned over him and looked at his angelic features. He must have been exhausted. Dark circles ringed his eyes and there was worry in every line on his face. I reached my hand tenderly forward and placed it on his cheek, feeling an emotion that was both impossible to understand and inhumanly strong.

"Bella," Edward whispered, then sighed heavily.

"Yes," I replied, but he didn't open his eyes. He didn't stir and his eyes didn't even flicker. He was fast asleep, though I would have sworn I saw his mouth form the smallest of smiles. I smiled in response. At that moment, there was a light knock on the door.

A kindly older nurse stepped lightly into my room and smiled when she saw me and Edward; my hand still on his beautiful face.

"You're awake." She crossed the room and hit a button over my head, causing my bed to rise. I put my finger on my mouth to indicate for her to be quiet. She nodded in understanding.

"He's been here all night," She said, smiling as she looked at him with concern in her eyes.

"He has?" I whispered back. Tears pooled in my eyes.

"He refused to leave you for even a second, even after Dr. Cullen told him to go home and get some rest." The nurse was checking the monitors behind me and making notes on her clip board. She looked away from them and smiled at me.

"Oh," I couldn't think of anything better to say, I was shocked.

"He must really love you," She mused, another smile spreading across her face then she winked at me, "those hospital chairs aren't comfortable." She giggled at her joke, but what she said hit me like a ton of bricks.

'_He must really love you,'_

Love me? Edward? The idea scared me, terrified me. But more than that, it thrilled me. My heart swelled at the prospect and I looked down at Edward again, now understanding what the emotion was that burned in his eyes every time he looked at me. The memory of it sent a spark of excitement down my spine and down my arm. My hand tingled curiously on Edward's face, almost as if the connection I was currently feeling between us could be equally as powerfully physically as I felt it emotionally. The longer I thought about it, the more it seemed to intensify. I withdrew my hand in surprise.

What was I thinking? I couldn't… I couldn't… _love_ Edward. I thought the word with such disdain it almost came across as a curse in my head. But what about him, well, saving me? That had to mean something, right? Of course it did! Then again, there was the whole Lauren issue… I didn't really know what to think about that. I couldn't make heads or tails of what I was feeling. I couldn't have been more confused if I tried.

Why was this so impossible to figure out?!

The nurse tapped me gently on the shoulder, bringing me out of my train of thought. I jumped slightly and I instantly checked to make sure that I hadn't awoken Edward. I didn't want to face those feelings until I absolutely had to. I exhaled in relief when I saw he was still asleep.

"I'll be back in an hour or so with your prescription and then you'll be discharged. You'll be able to leave once you fill out the paperwork," She hung a clipboard over the metal rung of the bed and turned to leave.

"Thanks," I whispered as she closed the door. I allowed myself to fall back heavily against the bed-turned day chair. When my body hit the mattress, the bed shook. I winced at the sudden violent movement and shut my eyes in expectation of Edward waking. I peeked one of my eyes open and looked at him—still sound asleep. I sighed and relaxed, happy that I had ample time to think about what I was going to say to my knight in shining armor… or was it aluminum foil? I couldn't tell quite yet. The clipboard hanging on the side of the bed chose that moment to clash loudly to the floor, making me squeak in surprise. Of all of the noises that had been made in the room, this was the one that woke Edward up.

_So much for having time to think_.

Edward's head shot up and he looked around the room in alarm, as if he expected someone else to be there. He stood up and released my hand and walked to stand between me and the door, as if shielding me. My heart started pounding in my chest. His reaction to the sound made me almost as jumpy as he was. I waited nervously until I saw him exhale and relax. I relaxed a little, as well, that is, until he turned around to face me. I looked down to my lap and saw that my hands were shaking; I clasped them together to prevent the tremors from spreading to my arms. They were clammy.

_Way to have nerves of steel, Bella._

Edward just stood and stared at me, but I was too chicken to look him in the eyes. The silence was overwhelmingly painful, but I didn't want to be the one to break the silence. I still had no idea what to say to him and I couldn't decide whether or not a full hour of awkward silence would be a decent option. Instead of facing the issue, I avoided it. I reached down over the side of the bed and picked up the clipboard from the floor. There some standard-issue medical questions to fill out as well as some basic information. I was slightly annoyed with the fact that the hospital needed this information, yet again, but was still thankful for a diversion from the conversation I couldn't decide if I wanted to have.

I then realized that I didn't have a pen.

_Crap._

"Uh, Edward?" I asked timidly, still looking at the form on my lap, "Do you have a pen?"

Edward crossed the room and stood all-too close to me and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a fancy-looking fountain pen and handed it to me. I was careful not to make contact with his skin again. With my new realization of how I thought he felt about me, at least in my hopelessly romantic thoughts, I was uncertain at how I would respond if _he_ was the one who initiated physical contact. I didn't trust myself.

_Hell, I'm not even sure if I trust him._

I turned my attention away from Edward and on the medical discharge forms. The silence was even heavier after I spoke than before. I absolutely hated it.

"Bella," Apparently, so did Edward.

"Yes?" I replied without looking up. Hearing him speak sent chills down my spine, and emotions I was subconsciously trying to keep at bay came flying out at me.

"Are… are you okay?" I heard sincere concern in his voice. I looked up at him, but he wasn't looking at me. He had placed his face in his hands, as if trying to contain whatever he was feeling. That didn't help my emotional restrictions at all. I felt my throat tighten.

"Mmhmm" I nodded my head and blinked furiously to keep the tears at bay. I looked back down at the discharge forms but I couldn't see anything, I tried to answer a question I couldn't read on a line I wasn't sure was there. My hands were shaking too much to even write my name.

"Bella," Edward spoke my name again, I could feel his eyes on me. I looked up at him, knowing that he wouldn't believe me until I spoke my answer whilst looking him in the eye. When our eyes met, my vision blurred. I heard the chair scoot towards me and I felt his warm touch on the hand that was holding the pen. The instant his skin touched mine, my composure broke. I started to bawl uncontrollably. In an instant, Edward was next to me in the hospital bed. He pulled me into his arms and cradled me in his lap and rocked me back and forth. He kissed the top of my head and buried his face in my hair. I was nearly positive he was almost as upset as I was.

"Oh God, Bella, I thought I lost you," He breathed into my hair and tightened his grip.

"I th-thought I lost m-me, too," I whimpered weakly. He laughed and kissed the top of my head again before smoothing out my hair and looking into my eyes. "I was s-so s-s-scared, Edward, I-I thought I w-was going t-t-to die," I whispered, which brought on another round of hysterics.

"I would never let that happen," Edward pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes again. He smiled. The tears spilled over again and I tucked my head into his chest. He made me feel safe.

"Wh-where's Ch-charlie?" I sputtered after a few more minutes of being rocked back and forth.

"He's at work, he's working over time trying to find…" Edward trailed off. I could feel his muscles tense beneath me, which frightened me.

"T-t-trying to f-find wh-who? Is s-someone m-missing?" I asked, panicked. My mind flew to Alice and Angela, causing me to cry harder. Edward smoothed my hair and kissed the top of my head.

"Shhh Bella, calm down, everyone is fine," Edward cooed, "Your dad is trying to find…" I felt Edward physically brace himself to speak, "He's trying to find Mike." He strengthened his grip on me, I couldn't move away from him even if I wanted to. But his words terrified me. Mike was still out there.

"Wh-where did he g-g-go?" My voice was barely audible.

"I don't know, Bella," Edward breathed, he was frustrated with his response, "I don't know,"

"Oh God, oh God, oh God," I moaned. I started sobbing again.

"Bella," Edward said, his voice was louder, stronger, "Bella listen to me," I looked up at him with desperation. I had no idea what I was going to do. "Mike will never touch you, never again." There was a trace of menace in his voice. The threat was evident. I shuddered, and he loosened his grip only slightly. I whined in response. He smirked at me and twisted me around in his lap so my back was facing him. He picked up the clipboard that I had dropped and placed it in front of me. He held the pen in front of my hand.

"Now," He glanced at his watch and furrowed his brow, "I've got about three hours of apologizing to do," he looked at me and smiled, but I didn't return it. I didn't think I was ready for that particular conversation. He sensed my unease, "But for now, let's get you checked out," he gestured with the clipboard and pen and I took them both from his grip. He wrapped his arms around me as I filled out the paper work—I was looking ahead to the next few hours with uncertainty.

I still had no idea what I wanted to say to him.

--

An hour later we were back at the Cullen house—on Charlie's orders. He was grateful to Edward for rescuing me and had therefore assigned him babysitting duties. Not that I minded.

Edward walked me into the kitchen where everyone was waiting. I was first assaulted by Alice.

"Bella! Oh thank God you're okay! I was so worried!" She wrapped her arms around me and cried into my shoulder. When I felt her tears, I felt my eyes mist as well. She let me go and we both dabbed at our eyes and giggled slightly—though the situation hardly warranted it—we both needed the emotional release. Then she hit my arm. Hard.

"Alice! Ouch!" I screeched. Edward stepped in between us and growled lightly at Alice. "What the hell was that for?!" I rubbed my upper arm where she had hit me and pouted slightly. Edward put his arm around me.

"Don't you EVER do that to me again, Isabella Swan!" She shrieked. "I ruined a four-hundred dollar pair of shoes because of you!" Jasper grasped her around her waist and smiled apologetically at me.

"Sorry Bella, she's been pacing all night." He held up a pair of stilettos with two broken heels. "And she really doesn't like it when she ruins her shoes." He shrugged but Alice huffed.

"Bella, you know I love you," She gestured towards her shoes, "But these are Manolo Blahniks!" She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. I laughed at her. She scowled, "Just feel lucky they weren't Christian Louboutin's!" But then she smiled and bounded towards me again, wrapping her arms around me awkwardly because of Edward's arm over my shoulders. "I really am glad you're alright," She whispered in my ear.

"Talk about getting mixed messages," I exhaled and looked at Edward, he winked at me. Emmett was next in line. He wrenched me out of Edward's grasp, causing him to growl, and wrapped me in an air-tight hug.

"I thought I'd never get to see you fall again!" He boomed.

"Emmett… can't… breathe…" I gasped. He held me for an additional few seconds then put me down. I bent over and put my hands on my knees and relished in the air that was now able to reach my lungs. "and I'm sorry to disappoint." I joked. Emmett's laughter filled the kitchen and I couldn't help but smile.

Rosalie hugged me briefly after Emmett's laughter died down and he followed her out of the room. Alice and Jasper quickly followed suit, leaving Edward and I alone in the kitchen. He shrugged and smiled a crooked smile at me. He grabbed my hand and ushered me upstairs. I followed him to the third floor, of which I didn't know they had, and he opened a door to my left at the top of the stairs. I gasped when I stepped inside.

The walls were a pale gold that seemed to glow faintly in the morning sunlight. The wall to my left was completely covered in CDs. A large, wrought iron bed was against the far wall on the right, and a large bay window covered the wall directly in front of me. Beneath the window sat a large desk with a keyboard and a computer. There were pictures in frames along the window sill and a few posters on the wall. I walked to the center of the room and turned in a full circle, taking in every detail.

"I love your room, Edward. It's very… you." I smiled at him, trying to think of other topics of conversation so as to avoid the one I knew we were close to having. I still wasn't sure if I could face it—all of it—especially with Edward. He simply leaned against the doorway and watched me. I took in a deep breath and looked around me again, this time at his wall decorations. There were musical posters and a movie poster or two, all along the wall over the bed. I walked over towards the bed to get a closer look at them. That's when I saw it. It was tacked up next to the bed among what looked like personal favorite memorabilia—my sketch. I hadn't thought about it at all since the day that I lost it, but there it was; my sketch of those eyes, those green eyes.

Edward had it. Not only did he have it, but he had it on his wall, next to his bed. I gasped lightly. I turned to look at Edward with my mouth agape. He smiled thinly at me, but there was sadness in his eyes.

"Bella, I think it's time we talked." It wasn't a question.

I gulped.

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**A/N: BIG THINGS ARE COMING FOR EDWARD AND BELLA! I can't wait for you guys to read the next chapter, I'm really excited about it! I don't want to give anything away!**

**I had a lot of trouble writing this particular chapter, so PLEASE let me know if there's something, anything that I can do to improve it or make it better. I'd really really really appreciate your feedback!  
**

**Thank you to everyone for their awesome, awesome, awesome reviews, I can't express how much it means to me! **

**As always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

xo auteurinconnu


	17. A Walk to Remember

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 17 – _A Walk to Remember_

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Song: Josh Groban, "My Confession"

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I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. Edward had just initiated what I had been dreading all morning—a conversation. Not just any conversation, mind you, THE conversation. The talk that would define what Edward and I had become, or were becoming, or would never become. I panicked.

"Is it? I was thinking it was time for a nap, or maybe a nice swim, perhaps some sketching?" I clapped my hand over my mouth at the last suggestion. I hadn't really intended to let him know that I noticed he had my drawing out loud.

_Too late now._

Edward crossed in front of me over to his bed. I watched him as he took a seat on the edge and leaned over his bed linens to the small collection of personal memorabilia. He plucked the drawing out from the center of them and fingered it gently. He folded it lightly and put it in the pocket of his jeans. Then he turned to me.

"Let's go for a walk." Again, it wasn't a question. He held his hand out to me, and I looked at it hesitantly. Okay, I was definitely sure I didn't want to do this. I remained firmly planted where I stood in the middle of his room. "You're not going to make me carry you, are you?" He chuckled lightly at his own joke, but the smile didn't reach his brilliant green eyes. My panic intensified.

I shook my head.

Instead of waiting for me to take his hand, he simply reached down and grabbed mine. He kissed my fingertips and dragged me towards the door. I was fairly certain he could hear my heartbeat over the creaking in the wood floor and our tromping on the steps and out the front door. He still had a hold of my hand as he pulled me towards his silver Volvo.

"I thought we were going for a walk?" I asked.

"We are." He replied simply.

"Then why are you holding the passenger door to your car open for me?" I gestured to the door frame has arm rested on.

"We're going for a drive first."

"Why? Can't we just walk around your yard for a while?" Being confined in a small space with Edward when he wanted to talk gave me no route for escape if things got too hard. I didn't like that idea. I was desperately scraping for some reason to stay close to Alice. She'd protected me from Edward's quick wit and all-too accurate observations before; I was hoping that she could do so again. I looked at Edward with pleading eyes, but he was determined. He shook his head and indicated with his hand for me to take a seat. I gulped and followed his instructions. When he closed the door, I drew in a deep and ragged breath, knowing that I would be holding it until we stopped driving. Edward got in and turned the key in the ignition. I heard the gentle purr of the European auto machinery and he careened the car around and took off down the driveway.

I wanted frantically to avoid the conversation so I hastily turned on the radio and turned it up. Edward seemed to accept my desire, though grudgingly, and drove without speaking. We had been in the car almost fifteen minutes when Edward's driving finally started to slow. We were approaching the end of a road and I could make out a trailhead that opened where the gravel met the forest. I bit at my lip nervously. Given my tendency to give in the laws of gravity, hiking wasn't exactly my expertise.

Edward put the car in park and got out. He gracefully crossed the front of the car and opened the door for me. He extended his hand to me but this time, I didn't take it. He noticed.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"N-n-nothing." I stammered.

"Am I making you nervous, Bella?" He was amused, but still concerned. I could tell that he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable for our… talk.

"No." This was true. It wasn't Edward that was making me nervous, it was the conversation. Of all of the people that I had met in Forks, I felt both the safest and the most threatened with Edward. On one hand, when I was with Edward, it was almost as though I was invincible. He protected me from harm and had saved me from both embarrassment and what felt like an early death on multiple occasions. On the other hand, Edward scared me. I had put up well constructed walls since the accident; walls that kept me from feeling the pain that I was sure could destroy me. And yet, in a single evening, simply by playing the piano, Edward had single-handedly caused them to crumble.

Why did he have such a strong effect on me?

"Well then, Bella, I would greatly appreciate your company," He held his hand out again for me and smiled. I was putty in his capable hands. I caved and stepped beside him, but I didn't give him my hand. We walked along the trail in silence for a few minutes. I wasn't sure if Edward was waiting for me to be the one to break the silence or not, but I wasn't about to give in. He was the one who wanted to have this talk, so he was the one who was going to have to start it. I wasn't even sure if I could finish it. I sighed. Apparently Edward took this as my giving the all-clear. Because he loudly cleared his throat and started talking.

"I owe you an apology, Bella," He looked at me with a pained expression that made my own heart hurt in response, "No, I owe you so much more than that." He turned to me expectantly, but I didn't respond. I simply looked back at him, shivering at the spark our eye contact gave me.

"Please allow me to explain myself," He said honestly.

I nodded, hoping that he would be the only one who would talk. Even then, I was still afraid. He didn't even have to say anything the last time to catch me off guard, what would make this time any different? I was positive that I desperately wanted to hear what he had to say, but also, I wanted him to keep it to himself. It was so much easier for me to be around him when I didn't understand where he was coming from. It made it easier for me to keep him out. Confusion was easier with honestly when it came to Edward—that much I knew for sure. I sighed again and braced myself for what was coming.

"When I met you, I'd never been more attracted to a single individual so strongly before. The way you moved, how you walked, the expression on your face. I knew in that moment I'd never met anyone like you before. And then you tripped," He laughed at the memory, "And I caught you, and holding you in my arms was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. You seemed so fragile, but the look on your face when you looked at me showed me that you were so much more than that…" He trailed off at the end, lost in his own thoughts.

I knew exactly what he was talking about; that feeling… being in his arms, and how right it felt. I looked up at him as we walked but he was looking in front of him distantly with a crooked grin on his face. I looked away again—looking at him made it three times more difficult to keep my walls up.

"It wasn't as if you'd done anything spectacular, you just happened to literally fall into my arms. But I couldn't get you out of my head. At lunch that day, you ran out of the cafeteria crying, and I don't know why, but I felt like I had to protect you, to figure out why you were upset, I felt like I had to make it better."

"I think it's safe to say I was more than relieved to find you in my Biology class. I couldn't think of a way to comfort you, though I wanted to—but then you recognized me from the parking lot. And instead of thanking me for my chivalry, you got angry!" He laughed again.

"Your chivalry was entirely self-serving, if you ask me." I replied, "Your over-confidence was hardly masked. I couldn't stand it." I blushed and looked down at my feet at my honesty and sudden burst of confidence.

Edward smiled, "You always surprised me, Bella. You never did what I expected you to do. Not once, not ever. I wanted desperately to get to know you, to understand how your mind worked, but you never let me in. You never let me get close enough to you to take a chance. You saw right through me. No… not through me, _to_ me.

"Those weeks that we didn't speak were insufferable." He looked down at me but I continued to look forward, "I wanted to talk to you, but I couldn't think of what to say. I've never been so, well, intimidated by a girl before." He smiled at me.

"I intimidated _you_?" I asked, incredulous. Edward was everything I wasn't, everything I wished that I was. We weren't even on the same playing field. How could I possibly be an intimidating presence compared to his perfection?

He laughed, "It was strange for me, too." He was quiet for a few minutes as we walked. I relished in the silence, mulling over everything that he and I had said thus far. Everything felt incredibly surreal.

"Then you started hanging out with Mike." The mention of his name made me wince, "I'd never gotten a good feeling from him, though I couldn't ever put my finger on it, and he made you the focus of _all_ of his attention from the very first day that you came to school. I tried to tell you about Mike, but you were so stubborn. You were so intent on hating me…" The pain was again evident in his face. The fact that I was the one who caused it made it even worse for me to watch. I had to look away.

"It's okay, Bella, you had no reason to trust me," He was trying to comfort me, thinking that my reason for shrinking away was because of the thought of Mike, his selflessness blew me away, "I never gave you a reason to have any faith in me whatsoever. You saw me, who I was, and you weren't about to be fooled. That day in the parking lot, when you fainted, you surprised me yet again—because not only did you notice what was really going on with me, but you weren't afraid to tell me about it—something even my family hasn't been able to do.

But instead of listening to you, I fought back, I fought back with you and you just stood there and took it. You tried to make it look like you were fighting, but I could see it in your eyes. The instant I turned the heat to you, you gave up. Bella, the look in your eyes… The moment the words passed my lips I wanted to take them back." He looked at me in earnest, but my mind traveled back to that day in the parking lot. I heard Edward's angry voice in my head.

"_You want to pass judgment on me, FINE!" He bellowed, "But how about you get a taste of your own medicine before you get comfortable on that throne of yours."_

"_You think you're the only one that's been paying attention, Bella? I've seen you, seen the way you hide yourself from the world. I see the dark circled under your eyes, the tearstains on your face every morning. Listening to your I-pod to drown out humanity."_

"_Y-you don't know w-what you're t-talking about…" I stammered._

"_Oh, really? I don't? You don't eat, you don't talk to people, it's like you don't even give a damn about the life you have! You're a ghost, Bella. You can hardly call what you do everyday living!"_

My eyes welled up at the memory. I hardly noticed that Edward was still talking. I didn't even hear what else he was saying. My breath game in gasps and I was finding it very hard to continue standing.

_He was right. He was so right. But was I ready? Was I ready to let someone in? Was I ready to live?_

"Bella? Bella? Bella are you alright?" Edward's concerned voice tore me out of my head. He had his hands on my shoulders and was shaking me lightly. I looked into his deep, green eyes. They were just like my mother's. Tears spilled over the edge of my eyes. They poured freely as I looked back at Edward. God, his gaze was completely unnerving—my defenses were going to be gone in a matter of minutes. I had to find a way out. I looked around me, feeling a bit panicked and cornered.

We had stopped walking and were now at the end of the trail. Forest was surrounding us on all sides, but I could see just several yards ahead a clearing. I made my way towards it without thinking. As I pushed through the lower branches of trees, I gasped. I took three steps forward into the most beautiful meadow I'd ever seen in my entire life. The grass was long and soft and it fluttered around my ankles, tickling them lightly. There were wildflowers of every shape and size all of which released a sweet scent that occupied my senses without hesitation. I inhaled it in deeply and smile subconsciously despite the tears on my face.

I didn't feel Edward beside me, so I turned to look for him. He was standing in the shadow of the underbrush watching me. I leaned my head back and allowed the sun to warm my face. I hadn't noticed that the weather had begun to clear up until now, the forest was too dense for sunlight. I looked down at the grass when I spoke to him.

"It's beautiful, Edward," I whispered softly, working up the courage to look him in the eye again.

"Yes, it is," he replied, never taking his eyes off me. I didn't miss the double-meaning in his words. His eyes were burning into me. I attempted to swallow but my mouth had gone completely dry. My plan of escape wasn't working. I had to find another way out.

I turned away from him and held my arms out to my sides. "So, is this where you bring all of your ladies?" I asked with a bit more force than I had intended. I turned to face him again hoping to have angered him, but the only emotion I could see on his face was agony. I felt myself redden at my presumptuousness.

"Bella, it's not like that," He started, but I was determined to keep myself distant. I saw their embrace, I knew what that meant.

"What about Lauren?" I asked maliciously. I knew I was pushing it.

"Bella," His mouth turned to a frown and there was an ancient sadness in his eyes.

"I deserve to know," I spat. I crossed my arms across my chest and looked down at the grass. I might have deserved to know the truth, but I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to hear it. I had been preparing myself for this for the past hour or so, and I still didn't feel as though my defenses were strong enough to take the blow he was about to give me.

Edward took a deep breath and stepped forward, placing himself directly in front of me.

"I remember the look on your face when you confronted me after a full night of shopping with Alice, when you saw the lipstick on the collar of my shirt." I watched him closely, his eyes never left mine. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, "It's the same look you're giving me right now." I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I saw his hand rise to wipe it away, and I froze. He sensed it, and froze as well.

"Am I too late, Bella?" He whispered as another tear fell from my eyes. I didn't respond; I just continued to look at him, I couldn't bring myself to look away. "Is it too much? Too much for you to handle?" He looked genuinely fearful, "I could feel your pain, Bella, when I held you in my arms as you cried. I felt like my heart was breaking along with yours, and I knew that there was nothing I could do or say for you, that I could only hold you…" Edward paused, looking into my eyes, searching mine. My vision was starting to blur.

"I didn't think it was possible for me to feel as happy as I did when I saw you sitting in the stands cheering me on during the game. My heart swelled every time I caught you smiling at me, and after the game, I was searching for you. I wanted nothing more than to see you smile at me again. I turned the corner to find you and you weren't there. I leaned up against the wall to wait for you, I had shut my eyes, envisioning your face when I felt arms wrap around my neck. I—I thought it was you. I opened my eyes when I heard you gasp, and then you were gone. Running from me.

"Bella, I felt like such a monster, because I had been the one to cause you so much pain. I watched you as you crumpled in the parking lot, and it killed me to not be the one who could comfort me. Then," Edward drew in a deep breath before continuing, "then you left with Mike," His voice was hardly a whisper, "So I drove to your house to make sure you got back, and after ten minutes, you weren't there. I almost went crazy looking for you. I was just driving around, hoping that I was going in the right direction. Hoping with everything that I had in me that… that I wasn't… wasn't too late." His eyes started to mist.

"I thought I'd lost you, Bella," His voice cracked, "I thought I'd lost you and that I'd never get the chance to tell you." Edward finally averted his gaze. I swallowed. Hard. Every inch of my body was shaking. "I just ran, after I found his truck, I just ran. I didn't know where you were or what I would find, but I had to keep running until I found you, Because I had to tell you.

"It's all that I thought about when I picked you up and ran you to my car. It's all I thought about as I drove to the hospital, when I was waiting in the Emergency room, when I sat with you in your room. I held your hand and kissed your hair and only hoped that I would get the chance to tell you."

Edward closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. But he quickly recovered and continued to look at me. My heart was pounding erratically in my chest. It seemed like my whole body was caught in a moment of indecision. I couldn't decide whether or not I wanted to make a run for it or wait for it, whatever _it_ was. The silence was deafening—I couldn't take it anymore.

"T-tell me w-what?" I stammered.

"That I'm in love with you, Isabella Swan, I'm in love with you and wish to never be apart from you again." Edward's stare, if possible, intensified, "I'm in love with everything about you. You have completely captivated me, tainted me, and I knew that from the day that I met you that I would never be the same; and I'm not. You've changed me, Bella, bewitched me, even. You've become the light in my darkness, my beacon, my everything. I didn't think it was possible, but here I am, giving myself entirely to you and I can only hope, only pray, that you'll take me.

I know that I've messed up, Bella, and I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for being a jerk and for not understanding, for not being there when you needed me. I'm sorry that I wasn't who you wanted me to be, and even more so that I wasn't what you needed me to be. I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry." How voice cracked again. It was unbearable to watch, almost equally as unbearable as feeling it. I couldn't explain it, but _I_ could feel _his_ remorse. I didn't deserve it, but I could feel it. A sob tore at my chest. Edward immediately pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head.

"You're not ready," he whispered. It wasn't a question.

"N-no, n-n-no." I sputtered. I had to explain. It was time, and though I hadn't recognized it earlier, I was ready.

"Bella, it's okay, I can wait," he cooed. I knew that he meant it, but that wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't what I needed. I had to make him understand.

"N-NO!" I shouted, much louder and much more forceful than I had intended, but the desired result was achieved. Edward loosened his grip and I wrenched myself free. I felt a hole in his arms' absence, but I had to do this. It was time.

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**A/N: I'm sorry to leave you on a cliff-hanger like that! I know it's not fair, but I didn't want a 7,000 word chapter--I felt like it had to be split in two. There's Edward's part (which is what you just read) and then Bella's part as well. Both are equally important--I decided that they each deserve their own chapter. **

**:**

**You'll have to be patient for just a little while longer, though. The conversation's not over! I'm still working on the next part--but I won't keep it from you! I promise to post it within the next couple of hours, as soon as I finish it. It would be rude not to! Plus, it really bothers me when authors hold on to Chapters for more reviews, hits, etc. The whole point of writing is to write because that's what you love doing. If you need people to tell you they like your work for you to write, then you aren't writing for the right reasons.**

**That being said, writing this chapter made me fall in love with Edward a little more than I already am, and I'm hoping you guys feel the same way. It took me a little longer than usual, because I've got ZERO experience with handling this kind of emotion--I felt like I was writing blind! Either way, even though I had to conquer MAJOR writer's block and fight the urge to smash my laptop into a million pieces, I'm actually really pleased with how this chapter turned out. **

**Thanks again to everyone who's been reviewing and adding me, I can't tell you in words how happy it makes me to see an e-mail notification about a review or a story alert or favorites add. Really, you guys are fantastic! Your support and encouragement is much too kind and appreciated more than you know! **

**As always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! (I still want to know what can be done to make my writing better!)**

xo auteurinconnu


	18. Questions, Confusion, and Clarity

**Picking up the Pieces**

Chapter 18 – _Questions, Confusion, and Clarity _

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Song: Josh Groban, "When you say you love me"

* * *

"Bella," He pleaded,

"No," I whispered. I turned away from him and crossed my arms over my torso, knowing that I would need their help if I was to make it through the next part of my life in once piece. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, getting ready for everything that I was about to say.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?" Edward asked. I could hear the hurt in his musical voice. I was sure that if I was looking at him, it would be in every single one of his angelic features as well. Which is precisely why I didn't look at him? I had to say this—I had to know.

"I d-don't…" I was trying to explain myself, but the pain of the moment caught up to me before I got a chance to finish my thought. I felt another sob shake my chest, and in an instant, Edward had wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm trying, Bella," he breathed in my ear as he held me from behind, "I'm trying so hard to reach you but you keep me out. You keep putting up a wall. I know that I'm not perfect and that I've messed up… but Bella, can you find it in you to forgive me? I don't deserve it, of that I am sure, but can you, will you ever be able to forgive me? Can't you give me some credit for trying?"

Edward held me again as I cried, but I allowed myself to be comforted for only a short period of time. I knew that when I did this, I would have to be doing it on my own. I hiccupped and wiped at my now puffy eyes. Edward released me and I took a step forward, still not facing him. I'd have to work up to that.

"I feel so confused," I said slowly, trying to process my thoughts, "There are so many things that are running through me right now… emotions, ideas, thoughts, and feelings I didn't know I had and certainly have no comprehension of.

"And I feel torn. I'm completely torn between two people and I don't know which way to go or which way is up or down and I'm lost and I don't know where I am. And then there's you… you in all of your perfection telling me everything that I've ever wanted to hear even though I didn't know it was what I wanted until you said it…" I allowed my voice to trail because my mouth was running faster than my brain could process. I had to take a moment to think, hopefully to clear my head somewhat. I took a deep but ragged breath.

"And you," I turned around to face him, his face was calm and confused, I could tell he was listening intently, "You're standing there, saying all of the perfect things at all of the perfect times, and I don't… I don't know," I started crying again, knowing where this was going, "I don't know if I can." I said finally, looking at him desperately, wishing with everything that I was that he could read my mind so I wouldn't have to say anything out loud. He only looked more confused.

"You don't know if you can what, Bella?" He took a step forward again, looking straight into my eyes and searching for an answer I wished I could have given him without speaking.

"I don't know if I can… if I can… if I can let you in," I said as I exhaled. More tears fell from my eyes.

I watched as Edward's face fell. "I'm too late," he said dejectedly.

"N-no," I argued weakly. It really wasn't his fault, I just didn't know if I had the courage to explain why it wasn't.

Edward's voice was soft, "Then what is it Bella, what can I do, what can I say? How can I make you trust me?"

Oh, God. I wanted to trust him so badly. But there was so much to lose. If I trusted him, what was to guarantee that he wouldn't just get up and leave? There was no guarantee, there was no safety net. I had never been good at handling loss, and I didn't think I could do it again. Especially not now, not after what Edward had just said. I was broken. I wouldn't survive being shattered.

"It's not you," I said quietly.

"Then what is it, Bella? Why? Why can't you let me in? I want to know, I want to understand. Please don't shut me out… Why, Bella?" He was desperate for answers.

There was so much I needed to say, needed to tell him. There was so much I needed him to understand before I could accept the three words that I knew could break me. I didn't, and I couldn't trust him until he knew. He wanted the answers to his questions almost as much as I both wanted and didn't want to give them to him. Everything was so damn confusing, and painful! Why couldn't I numb away the pain when I was with him? Why couldn't I pretend that everything was alright? I was suddenly angry. Why was he pushing this? Couldn't he tell that this was already difficult for me? I was fuming, but the pain was overwhelmingly more powerful than my anger. I hadn't even realized that I was dealing with it until the first wave hit me with its force. With it went my defenses. I was now completely vulnerable without having done a single thing. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it, but I did feel comforted that I was with Edward as opposed to anyone else.

"Why, Bella?" I heard him ask again. I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to hear him say it, because it was hardly perceptible.

"Because I don't want to lose you!" I shouted, much more loudly than originally anticipated. But I couldn't deny the honesty in what I had said. Losing him now would kill me.

"Bella," His face softened at my confession, "Bella I'm not going anywhere," he was trying to comfort me, trying to console me when I was all too afraid of him breaking that promise to me.

"You d-don't know that," I stammered weakly, knowing too well how true it was. Sometimes it happens without your recognition or your permission. Sometimes, it just happens. Just like it did with _her_.

The very thought of the agonizing loss of Renee sent a tremor through my entire body. Edward noticed and tried to pull me into his arms again, but I took a step back.

"Bella, I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. " He smiled lightly at me, trying to reach me, but my fears were overwhelming me. They consumed me.

"I'm afraid, Edward. I'm afraid that once I take my walls down, that once I make myself vulnerable, once I lo-like you," I corrected myself hastily, "that you're going to leave me," I was shaking again, and the tears were falling much more rapidly.

"I would never leave you," He said honestly. I knew that he wouldn't leave me on purpose, not now.

"But what if it wasn't your choice?" My mind flew back to the accident, to Renee, my mother, my best friend, my other half, "it wasn't hers, you know." I was whispering again. Edward had heard me, though. I'd peaked his curiosity again.

"Wasn't who's?" He inquired politely, but I could feel the gnawing of his curiosity biting at him.

"My mother's." I felt my knees go weak. My trembling increased rapidly and sobs were tearing at the hole in my chest again. I'd been trying to cover the hole, to keep others from seeing it, but in doing so, I'd prevented myself from feeling it. I knew that I'd have to deal with it at some point in time; I just hadn't chosen this to be the moment. Edward's strong and safe arms wrapped around me. His embrace was warm, comforting, and restricting. He didn't anticipate letting me go any time soon. It surprised me that I didn't mind.

So, I cried. I cried for my father for having to live with my ghost-like self for the past few months, I cried for Edward, whose love and adoration I didn't deserve, for the pain I was causing him by not being whole, for not being what he needed or deserved. I cried for my mother, whose brilliant eyes and smile I would never see again. I cried at her loss and in her memory. But most of all, I cried for me. I cried for my pain, for what I'd lost, and for everything that I'd been denying to myself in Renee's absence. Edward held me the entire time, though I don't know how long it was, he held me and let me feel my pain. He didn't attempt to stop me or speak to me. He didn't try to make me talk about it. He simply cradled me to his chest and whispered in my ear occasionally. He rubbed circles in the small of my back and kissed the top of my head and let me cry. It wasn't much, but it was enough. It was what I'd needed, and what I'd needed.

I cried myself dry, falling onto dry sobs for only a few minutes before I finally regained control over my breathing. Even then, Edward's grasp on me didn't waver. He held me in his arms in silence and waited for me. He was waiting for me.

_He was waiting for me._

It meant more than I could possibly describe. It was more than I could ever have hoped for. He was waiting for me. He trusted me to come back to him. I wriggled out of his arms begrudgingly and moved so that I was sitting cross-legged directly across from him.

I took a deep, steadying breath and looked him in the eye.

"She," I looked down at the grass, hesitating, "My mother, sh-she was in a car accident a few months ago. She d-died." I didn't think I had any more tears left in me, but apparently I did.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry." I could hear his earnest empathy in his voice, and watched as he held a hand out to me, but I held a hand up to indicate him to allow me to finish.

"Edward, I have to say this. I have to tell you this. Please," I looked at him, pleading. He nodded, and I looked back down at the grass.

"I was with her, in the car," I heard his sharp intake of breath, indicating his surprise; "We were out getting ice cream to celebrate the end of final exams. My mom always told me that every celebration should include ice cream." I laughed at the memory—every celebration included some sort of decadent dessert. I was surprised that I'd managed to stay so trim while living with her. My laughing quickly turned to crying at reminiscing. Edward didn't reach for me; instead, he simply picked up one of my hands and placed it gently in his. He seemed to understand.

"We were at an intersection, a four way stop. My mom was talking to me, trying to reason with me when she pulled forward into the intersection. I saw the truck before she did, but she didn't have any time to react. It was too late." I flashed back to the moment.

_A movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. Instinctively, I sensed danger. I tore my eyes away from my mother, and screamed. She turned away from me and located the cause of my panic. A large black SUV was barreling towards us after having run through a stop sign. Its headlights illuminated the cab of my mother's sub-compact. _

"Everything went black," I was shaking and crying again, "When I woke up, there was glass everywhere. People were screaming and crying and there was smoke. There was a lot of smoke. I was confused, I couldn't figure out what had happened at first.

"And then she said my name," I started crying again, "I looked over at her, ready to crack a joke at how unbelievable everything seemed, but when I looked… when I looked over… there was so much blood. It was everywhere. On her face and in her hair and sh-she was looking at me." My composure broke and I cried into my hands. The pain was still overpowering but I managed to calm down enough to continue talking.

"She was looking at me, and she looked s-so weak. I was screaming for her, for her to hold on because h-help was c-c-coming. I tried to t-t-tell her that everything w-was going to b-be okay, b-b—but she wouldn't listen. She k-kept trying to tell me something, to tell me goodbye, but I wouldn't listen. She m-made me p-promise…" My voice trailed off again because I'd lost control. I sobbed mercilessly into my lap.

"The last thing I r-remember was her hand on my face. She was t-telling m-me it was g-going to be al-right. She was d-dying and I c-couldn't d-do anything about it a-and she kept looking a-at m-me and m-made me p-promise and oh, g-god."

"I w-woke up in the hospital and d-didn't remember… I didn't r-remember and I was s-scared and aa-alone and s-she was g-gone. I was m-mad at h-her for n-not being there w-with m-me. Then Ch-ch-charlie t-told m-me and I was sc-screaming and fighting y-your d-dad and I th-think I might have p-punched h-him on accident b-because he g-gave me sedatives and even t-then I wasn't n-numb." I laughed a little at the thought of hitting Dr. Cullen, but it sounded more like a hiccup.

"And then I m-met you." I looked up at Edward, who was looking at me with love and empathy. There was a frown on his beautiful face. "And wh-when I w-was w-with you I c-couldn't be n-numb anymore. And it made m-me mad because I just wanted t-to forget but your eyes…" I picked up my sketch that was in the grass a few feet away and held it gingerly for a moment before placing it in my lap. "Th-they were just like h-hers… so I t-tried to avoid y-you but you k-kept coming back." I sniffled and wiped at my eyes before looking back at him.

"I couldn't figure out why I felt so strongly towards you, one way or the other. I would see you with other girls and feel angry but when I would see the indifference on your face I would feel so sad. Nothing m-made sense anymore to me. After we argued, I wanted to get back at you for being right, so I used M-mike, and it w-worked. A little t-too well if you ask m-me," I shuddered at the memory of the night before.

"And now I'm here, sitting with the most perfect c-creature who wants m-me and I can't f-figure it out. I can't f-figure it out b-because I'm scared. B-because I'm sc-scared that you w-wouldn't love me when I told y-you that I was b-b-broken and I don't know if I c-can be fixed and I f-feel so lost but not s-so lost when I'm w-with you and I don't know w-what I'm trying to say." My voice trailed and I looked down at the ground awkwardly. I'd run out of energy to speak.

"Bella," I heard Edward say lightly, "Bella, I love you. I love you more now than I did ten minutes ago, and I'll love you even more than I do now in another ten minutes. I love you, all of you, everything about you, I love it all."

This only caused me to cry harder.

"Shhhh, shhhh my Bella," Edward whispered. He ran his hand through my hair.

"I don't deserve you," I choked out.

"No," he agreed, "You deserve far better than I."

I looked up at him in surprise. His expression was unreadable. His eyes met mine. He moved very slowly. He picked up his right hand and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. But instead of pulling it away after, he let it rest there for a minute near my ear. Then he moved it, ever so slowly, to place his warm palm against my cheek. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, he had been the first person to touch my face since my mother. I was terrified of what this meant. As I looked into his perfect green eyes, I heard my mother's voice in my head.

"_Oh, Bella…when you're ready, you will know. You can't guard your heart forever, honey. Love isn't easy…_

… _promise me that when it finds you… promise me you won't be scared."_

In that, I knew.

"Maybe," I whispered in response, "But I love you, Edward Cullen, I chose you."

A tear fell from my eyes as I spoke, knowing how true it was. I smiled at him, and he smiled in response. He wiped away the tear with his thumb and pulled me into his arms, kissing my forehead, my nose, my cheek, and then, with the softest of touches, he kissed my lips.

If it were possible, I would have melted in that moment. I reached up and placed my hand on his face, directing his eyes to mine, seeing in them what I had been missing for all of this time. For the first time in months, I felt whole.

"I love you," I said simply.

"And I, you," he replied. He kissed my forehead and tightened his grip on me. He leaned back so we were lying in the grass of the meadow. My head was tucked between his chin and collarbone. He hummed the piece of music he'd played for me on the piano. I hadn't felt that content since the accident.

My hands explored his face, his arms, and his chest. I felt his hands studying me. He ran them slowly through my hair and up and down my back, along my arms, and across my face. We laid like that for what felt like an eternity. I listened to his heartbeat and to his breathing, occasionally reaching up and kissing his cheek. Before I knew it, it was time to go.

Edward helped me to my feet and kissed the palm of my hand before taking it and leading me to the trail. He folded up my sketch and put it back in his pocket. I smiled.

"You should have asked me for that," I said, smirking.

"It would have ruined Alice's moment with you." He said, looking down at me and smiling.

"What?" I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"She'd been planning to run into you like that for days. Had I intervened her plan would have inevitably been ruined." He chuckled lightly and kissed the back of my hand.

"She planned that?" I asked skeptically.

"For at least four or five days."

I thought back to the bruise on my elbow from when I hit the floor and rubbed it subconsciously, "She could have just said 'hello'" I grumbled.

"That's not Alice's style." He laughed at me, then turned me to kiss me on the lips. He was glowing when he pulled away. We walked hand in hand in silence for a while, both content in simply being with the one we loved. After a while, it started to get darker and I was having trouble watching out for items I could trip on. Our pace began to slow as a direct result of my clumsiness.

All of a sudden, I was on Edward's back. I was shocked, but not uncomfortable.

"Uh, I'm a little heavier than your average backpack." I said, slightly concerned. Edward merely laughed in response. I smiled and kissed his neck, goading him forward. We were silent for a few more minutes when Edward broke the silence by placing me back on my feet. I hadn't realized we were already back at his car. Edward walked a few steps forward, then turned to face me. He held his hand out to me, and I obliged him by placing mine in his upheld palm. When my hand was firmly in his, he kissed it and bowed formally.

"Madame," he said as he bowed, "Would you so honor me by accompanying me to the dance this Saturday eve?" He looked up at me from under his eyelashes, smirked, then winked at me. I withdrew my hand from his and took a step back, giving myself room.

"Why, kind sir, the honor would be all mine," With that, I curtseyed. He popped up from his bow and wrapped me in his arms, kissing me lightly before setting me back down on the ground. He opened the passenger door to his car for me and helped me in before crossing the front of the car and getting in.

Edward grabbed and kissed my hand before turning on the car and taking me home.

I could do nothing but smile.

* * *

**A/N: Wow, I feel better, how about you? I promised that I'd get it up as soon as I had it finished, so here it is!  
**

**This chapter was exceptionally hard for me to write, so I really do hope that you enjoy it. The other half of Edward and Bella's conversation is so important to their relationship. Especially in how Bella sees things. Please let me know what you thought about it, and don't forget to let me know how I can improve it!**

**Next chapter will probably be a bit of fluff before I start wrapping things up, I'm not sure how much longer this story is going to go, but I'm planning on seeing it through to the end. **

**THANK YOU for all of your wonderful reviews and suggestions! They are fantastic and very helpful! **

**As always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

xo auteurinconnu


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